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how did it end up like this? (it was only a kiss)

(queerplatonic) tamarack baumann x qiu lin

Tamarack wouldn't expect Qiu of all people to be her first kiss.

She thought it would be with someone who makes her heart flutter wildly. Maybe they'd take her deep into the forest, get close and hold her face before leaning in. Maybe they'd take her into her room, and kiss her in a place where they feel familiar and safe.

Trying to imagine Qiu as that someone just doesn't work.

Qiu feels different from other people, that's for sure – but she wouldn't exactly call it romantic. She'd call it.. special, almost?

Tamarack wouldn't imagine dating them, but she doesn't mind it when they call her while half-asleep, letting their words slip from sleepy lips. She's never imagined them showering her with roses, but she finds it endearing when they pick a pretty flower and brag about getting the best one in the forest.

And of course, Qiu Lin of Golden Grove probably wouldn't want to kiss her.

Tamarack is fine with that– she doesn't really want to kiss them, either.

She stops her train of thought – she doesn't know how they got to the topic of kissing, anyways. It started when Qiu invited her over for company, complaining that they felt bored, Mrs. and Mr Lin aren't coming home for another week, and.. they said hanging out with her was nice.

They prepared games, movies, but all of those remain untouched while they both sit on the floor, just chatting the night away. Qiu never really needed anything else to make an interesting moment. Just being themself works fine.

“You really haven't kissed anyone before?” Qiu gapes, eyes wide like they're shocked. Meanwhile, Tamarack is surprised that they're surprised.

“I haven't. Is that really hard to believe?” Tamarack tilts her head in genuine confusion, before laughing as she spouts a sarcastic comment. “Did I suddenly forget the part of highschool where I was being courted by multiple people?”

Qiu rolls their eyes and chuckles, shaking their head and slumping over until they're just a bit closer to her.

They can never sit still, but that's fine. Tamarack often wonders how they can be comfortable in the positions they choose to sit in, but it's just one of those ‘Qiu’ things that she never really questioned.

“I'm more surprised about you. How come you've never kissed anyone?” Tamarack hums, raising her brow at them, and putting a frown on her lips. Distantly, she remembers her Oma doing the same thing when she thought that Tamarack was going out with their neighbor.

She shakes her head and changes her expression.

“Well, I didn't really find anyone I could trust.” Qiu says, and she really thought that was the end of that. There's a beat of silence, and Tamarack registers it as them trying to think of a better topic.

But, ever so slightly, the left corner of their mouth perks up once that sentence ends, and they're looking at her like they have an idea.

Tamarack doesn't even know how she notices that. But once she doesn't, she doesn't stop noticing.

Qiu Lin of Golden Grove probably wouldn't want to kiss her. She doesn't really want to kiss them, either.

But.

“Y'know, we could do something really funny right now.” The smile that meets her face isn't soft and gentle. Instead of smiling softly like the person in her thoughts, Qiu grins – it's bright and dumb.

Maybe she doesn't want a kiss, but…

She wouldn't really mind it either.

“This is really stupid,” she can't help but giggle as she leans closer. “I feel like this is gonna backfire on both of us.”

Qiu's eyes widen, and they still like they weren't actually expecting her to go through with it.

“Uh. Yeah.”

For a few awkward seconds, they just stay still and stare at each other.

Is this why people keep their eyes closed when they want to kiss someone? It feels very.. new to see someone from up close. Qiu's skin looks unfairly flawless.

Tamarack tilts her head to the right, but it barely does anything because Qiu had the same idea.

She couldn't really imagine being this close to another person.

Vianca has her own girlfriend, so she's immediately not an option. Serenity feels like someone she'd talk to a kiss about, rather than someone she would kiss. Renee would most likely die on the spot if Tamarack even tried to ask.

It makes sense that it's Qiu.

“Do I, uh.” Qiu bites their lip for a second, before tilting their head to the other direction slowly like it's a careful decision they need to make. “There. Now, lean in.”

“What?! Why do I have to lean in?” She huffs, but she plans on doing it anyway.

“Because! I adjusted my position, so you should meet me halfway.” They awkwardly blurt out, and it's a little funny to see them nervous.

Even better that it's because of her.

Tamarack leans in.

The moment is short, but it doesn't feel like it's anything new. She stays there for a second too long, but pulls away after a few.

She goes to lean back, and that's when it dawns on her that her first kiss was Qiu Lin.

Her fourteen-year-old self might kill her for that.

But, she does admit that it was really funny. Especially now, seeing Qiu's face.

“Huh. Well that's not how I expected this day to go.” They give a short chuckle, brows pinched together and a soft smile on their face. Tamarack thinks that the same smile might be on hers, too.

“Well, it wouldn't have gone that way if you didn't suggest that.” Tamarack hums, but part of her is glad that they did.

“I can't believe that's what people have been freaking out over.”

“Me neither.”

She places her hand on her chest, feeling her own heartbeat. It's not really different than how it usually is.

Butterflies aren't in her stomach. She's not giggling and squealing like how she would when she'd imagine this exact moment as a teen.

But, she does feel a bit.. happy? Like she unlocked something new.

It's nice. Not anything groundbreaking, but she can't help but let her hand go to her lips, as if trying to touch whatever's left of the thing she's feeling.

“Wanna try again?” Qiu tilts their head. Tamarack thinks they might feel the same way.

A/N: i cannot stop thinking of tamaqiu and im making it everyones problem.. anyways i have a hard time doing inbox requests but send a few tamaqiu ideas and i might writr them !!

#really wanted to emphasize that it doesn't really feel like what tama thought romance would be but she likes it nonetheless #the universe made me in the arospec specifically so i could write about tamaqiu tbh #of course its tamaqiu that drags me out of my writing slump.. OF COURSE.#olnf #qiu lin #tamarack baumann #tamarack baumann x qiu lin #qiu lin x tamarack baumann #our life now and forever #river's writing #qiutam #tamaqiu

their greed knows no bounds. my jealous tamarack and oblivious qiu agenda only grows stronger

do NOT repost i am THE potatofever

#my art #doodles #tamaqiu #qiutam #tamarack baumann #qiu lin #olnf #our life now and forever