Drunken Words/Sober Thoughts
“You good?”
Clint’s voice comes from behind. The couch creaks in protest as she shifts, raising her head to look at him through the darkness. “Yeah.” She breathed, willing her heart to slow and for her thoughts to recenter if it was at all possible. “I’m okay.” Clint chuckles softly. “That doesn’t sound too convincing.” She watched as he came closer, asking for permission to sit beside of her. She nodded. “You can talk to me, you know.” “I’m fine, Clint. I promise.” For a split second she sighs. Tears threaten to prick her face. She hates that she feels this way. It would be much easier if she could turn off her emotions. She closes her eyes as she felt his hand cradle her cheek and his calloused thumb wipes away the tears that did manage to fall.
“Do you ever feel like you made a mistake?”
“A mistake about?”
“You know what I’m talking about Barton.”
“No. You need to stop hiding.”
She raised an eyebrow as she looked at him. “I’m….not….hiding.”
“You are hiding. You don’t want to admit to yourself that what you are feeling is real. You can’t help who you love. It sucks but hiding won’t fix it and I refuse to let you sit around here and mope.”
She shook her head. “He deserves better……he deserves someone better.”
Clint stood up. “That is it. We are getting out of here and we are going to go drink. Now get your ass off this couch and into your room and change.”
She sat there and looked at him. She didn’t want to move. “And if I don’t?” Clint smirked. “If you don’t then I will call Steve myself and tell him where you are.” She glared at him. “You wouldn’t?” He shook his head. “Oh I would. Go get changed.”
She shook her head and then stood up. “Okay. All right. You don’t have to be such an ass. You’re lucky I like you.” He grinned. “We leave in 15 so hurry it up.” She didn’t want to go but she knew that he would make good on his promise. “Just don’t let me do anything stupid while we are out.” “I make no promises on that.” She shook her head and walked to her bedroom and closed the door. As much as she wanted to just run as far away as she possibly could she knew that Clint would find her and bring her back. She grabbed a pair of dark jeans and a black tank top. She quickly changed and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t even recognize herself. She put on just a little bit of makeup and then slipped a simple necklace around her neck. She put her boots on and then her leather jacket.
Shutting her door she shook her head as she walked back into the living room. “Now that is what I’m talking about. You don’t need to hide. It’s just like Budapest.” She’s hooked her head and laughed. “You and I remember Budapest very differently. Now let’s get out of here before I change my mind.” Clint laughed. “Oh no can do Im afraid. Get your ass in the truck before I carry you.” She shook her head as she walked out and got in the truck against her better judgement. She knew that Clint was only trying to distract her for a few hours if that was even possible.
She didn’t want anything fruity tonight, she hated that. She would much rather have a glass of wine or take shots of tequila or whiskey. If she could forget just for the night she might be okay. She didn’t say much on the ride to whatever bar he was taking her too. It didn’t matter as long as they were no where near the compound.
Once they were inside the bar she felt like a familiarity or rather déjà vu but she shook it off. She smirked as Clint ordered their first round of shots. She didn’t want to think about him but she couldn’t help herself. No matter how much she drank she couldn’t get him off her mind. Shaking her head she tried her best to push him from her mind. Clint shook his head as he looked at her. “Be honest……what are you thinking about or should I say who?” He asked. “Nope…..we are not going to do this. I’m not going to do this. You can’t make me.” She took another shot and then ordered another.
*Hours Later*
She needed some air. She had way more to drink than she had anticipated. Maybe the fresh air would do some good. Either way she needed to really think before she did anything stupid. She knew that Clint was right and that she needed to maybe eventually call Steve and let him know that she was okay. The night air felt good. Against her better judgement she pulled out her phone. She had told Clint to not let her do anything stupid and she was about to do something incredibly stupid. She went through her contacts and found who she was looking for. Shaking her head she hit dial. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she listen to it ring. She almost dropped her phone when she heard, “Hello.”
“It’s me.” She blabbered quickly. She was standing close to the door of the bar but she started to walk a little back and forth. “Nicola?” “Who else could be me, Captain?” She asked, chuckling to herself. It felt like everything was starting to spin just a little bit. “Are you drunk or something?” His voice was husky and slow as if she had woken him up. “Did I wake you?” “No,” he said quickly. “Where are you?” “Oh, okay. Uh…that’s good that I didn’t wake you. Well…there may be the slightest chance that uhmmmm Clint brought me to a bar and there may be just the tiniest amount of drinking involved.” She waited for him to say something, but she could only hear his breath through the phone.
“Rogers. Stevie. Stevie. Steve. Captain.” She giggled slightly. She had way more than what she would have normally drank but she knew that Clint was just trying to make her not be so hard on herself. “Yeah,” he mumbled breathlessly, his voice was lower and raspier than before. She could tell that he was tired but she didn’t want to hang up the phone. “Why’d you call?” He asked. She pressed her lips together, leaning up against the outside wall. “Because I……” she wondered if she was doing the right thing in calling him. She heard him sigh which would lead to more questions.
“Because why?” He repeated the question only this time more serious. “I…I don’t know.” She felt her heart drop. “Where are you?” She rolled her eyes. “Uhmmmmmm Belowww Deeck I think is what it’s called. I don’t know….Clint was the one who brought me to this fucking….” She started laughing. “I know I know language I got it loud and clear Captain.” “Do not move. Stay where you are. I am coming to you.” “No no nooooooooooo Steve please you don’t have to do that….I’m im fine.” “I’m coming to you. Stay put. That is an order. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” “5 minutes?” “You are not that far from the compound. Just stay there. Promise me.” “Fine.” “Just wait outside.” She sighed as she hung up the phone. Why would Clint have brought her so close to the compound for? She should of known better than to trust him but in his own way whether she was willing to admit it or not he was right. She didn’t need to hide but she needed to be honest with herself.
She put her phone in her back pocket. Hearing the door behind her open she turned around to see Clint. He walked over to her smiling. “I was wondering where you went to.” She didn’t say anything, instead she punched him as hard as she was able to. “What the hell was that for?” She smirked. “Oh I don’t know maybe because you brought me here…..that’s what 5 minutes away from the compound!” He shook his head. “Okay…..that might not have been the best idea but you know what??? I’m glad I brought you here. Maybe you will get that stick out of your ass.” She smirked as she slid her leather jacket off. “Don’t make me kick your ass….right here, right now.” “Keep dreaming…..you couldn’t kick my ass even if we were sober.” “Don’t….test me.” She went to punch him but she felt someone take her by the arm. “All right….that’s enough. You are coming with me.”
She relaxed a little. Clint was laughing. “Did you…..did you drunk dial Rogers?” Nicola shrugged. “I…..I may have. Why don’t you go say hi to that slut your tongue was down before I came outside?” She tried to get out of Steve’s grasp to get to Clint. “Why don’t you just admit to him that you like him?” “You stupid asshole.” She managed to get away from Steve for a minute and slapped Clint. “I hate you. You just had to go and open your big dumb mouth.” Steve put her leather jacket around her shoulders. “Come on. You are coming with me tonight. Clint can find his own way back to the compound.” She wasn’t about to argue with Steve at the moment. She just followed him. Occasionally leaning on him for support. He kept his hand on her back as they made their way to the compound.
The night air did nothing for her. “Exactly how much did you have to drink?” Steve asked as he got her inside and was leading her up the stairs. He made sure to stay close so she wouldn’t fall. “You know….I don’t exactly remember. There were a lot of shots….I sort of lost count.” She started laughing as she stopped for a moment. “Are you okay?” She nodded. “Mmmmmhmm yep the room is just spinning and feels a lot longer than it should be but I’m fine.” He tried to keep from laughing as he finally managed to get her inside of his room. “You know you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen….I never noticed just how blue they were until that…party.”
“You are very drunk. Let’s get you to bed before you say or do anything you might regret.” She giggled. Eventually his gaze met hers and they looked into each other’s eyes for a little bit. It was almost like a staring contest but it was laced with a lot of tension that hadn’t been talked about before. “I’m….Im sorry. I’m not good at this….whatever this is.” “It’s okay. You can always call me if you need to.”, he mumbled and eventually was the first one to break eye contact. She took her leather jacket off her shoulders. She kept staring at him wondering why he gave a damn about her. His jaw was clenched and his brow was furrowed with concern. “Am I making you nervous, Captain?” She asked at first before then adding, “Is it though? This isn’t okay.”
“What?”
“You….you’re a good man and you deserve someone better….someone that’s not broken. Someone who….whoo doesn’t run when she should clearly stay, someone who is willing to admit that…..okay you’re handsome, and and sweet and so much more than I ever thought you were.”
Then came the silence. The silence between them felt thick. He stared at her as if searching for something to say. “I look at you and for the life of me….I don’t know why but when I look at you, all I want to do is….” She stopped herself from saying what was really playing in her mind. She had thought about what it would feel like. Not even her tipsy brain would allow her to say it. He took a step forward and arched his brow.
“Is what?”
“I- I….” She stuttered and looked away from his eyes and down to his lips. He looked straight into her eyes when she finally looked back up at him. She realized just how close he was to her. She felt her back against the bedroom door. “I’m going to do something……stupid. Just….just let me do it.” He went to say something but she raised up and kissed him, wrapping her hands around his neck. He kissed her back for a moment and then pulled away. “You need sleep. We will talk about this in the morning….when you are sober. I’ll get you a shirt.” A slew of Russian curse words was running through her head. She sighed as she made her way to his bed and sat on the edge.
She took her tank-top off and threw it in the floor as she waiting for him to come back with a shirt for her to wear. “Arms up.” He said in his Captain America voice which was the only way to get her to listen at his point. He had to help her with her boots and her pants. She was way too drunk to try to do it herself. She didn’t even fight him when he tucked her in. The next morning she woke up with a pounding headache. She groaned as the light hit her face. She turned over with her back facing the window. She spotted the aspirin and the glass of water sitting out for her which confused her because her drunk self wouldn’t necessarily take care of her hungover self. This could only mean that some one else helped her. She took the aspirin hoping that it would kick in to relieve her headache.
“Morning.” Steve’s voice caused her to sit up. She looked down seeing that she was just in a T-shirt. “How are you feeling?” He asked as he walked in carrying a tray of pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes which was her favorite. “What…..what happened last night?” She asked. He sighed as he sat the tray down next to the bed and took a seat. “You called me at 2 AM completely drunk. I picked you up and after stopping you from hitting Clint I brought you back here.” She covered her mouth with her hands. “Did we—did we do anything?” He blushed a little. “No….you uhmmmm kissed me.” “I did what?” “You kissed me.”
