Michigan State Stories Volume 1
Is there any single day that encapsulates the American college experience more so than college football Saturdays in the fall? You wake up early, sleep deprived and quite hung over from last night’s exploits. After getting breakfast, you head back to your dorm room and begin drinking with friends. Power hours and shots. Gotta get intoxicated quick.
Most games begin at noon, unless your respective program is playing in prime time, then you have all day to get way too drunk. The student section is first come, first serve. So if you come two hours early you will have great seats right behind the uprights, with an excellent view of the action. If you come only 30 minutes early, you’ll be forced to sit in the upper-deck.
You can’t buy alcohol in the stadium, and most of the attendees are minors anyway, so you gotta make the drunkenness last awhile. It’s going to be a minimum four hour commitment. So you are up at 7AM, beginning your pre-gaming by 7:30AM, hoping you know someone tailgating near the game so you can take shots or shotgun beers (whatever your preference for excessive drinking may be) near the stadium, then heading out by 10:15AM. A quick 15 minute walk and you’re in. Drunken pimpley-faced youngsters all about.
After the game, win or lose, you head back anxious to eat food and sleep. The cafeterias are packed. Then pretty much everyone takes a nap. Then you’re up and ready to rally with partying at various fraternities to come. It’s either going to be a night of drinking to forget a bad loss or drinking heavily to celebrate a big win. Either way, you will be drinking cheap alcohol excessively. This is why we pay $20,000 a year to go to college. College football game day is the best.
So now my own tale of an excellent college football game day experience.
It was October 3rd, 2009 in East Lansing, Michigan. A perfectly gloomy fall day in Michigan. It wasn’t raining but it was pretty cloudy and cool enough to warrant jeans and a hoody for 90% of the students walking around campus.
A disgusting noise jerks me awake. My friend had set an alarm for 7:15AM, roughly 6 hours ago. Let’s call him Barkevious. He was sleeping on a lofted bed directly above me. I was on the rug in the middle of the room, still in last night’s clothes and covered by a blanket. Our other friend, and Barkervious’ roommate, was sleeping on the adjacent lofted bed. They had an “L” loft in their dorm. Let’s call this friend Mingo. We had been paired through random chance when living in the on campus residence halls (AKA dorms) our Freshman year in 2008 and had become close friends ever since.
In any case, the three of us were all a weird combination of hung-over, bloated, gassy, hungry, and grossly dehydrated. I was the first to hit the bathroom.
A side note about me: I am very uncomfortable emptying my bowels in the presence of others. Even when I am doing so anonymously in airport bathrooms where there is no chance I see anyone I come across whilst exploding my bowels into sweet porcelain relief. I still have trouble fully relieving myself. But when I’m alone…oh boy. I go town. I make a day of it. I love pooping when I’m alone. Its great fun. Everyone should try it sometime.
So when I went to use that bathroom I couldn’t empty my bowels despite the fact my stomach was letting me know that I really needed to. I ran the water from the faucet to mask any struggling noises I might be making. After pushing with all my might only some gas escaped. I zipped up, washed my face and headed out. After Barkevious and Mingo used the bathroom we were off to the residence hall cafeteria.
Alongside our fellow groggy, hung-over, 19 year old brethren we feasted on eggs, and bacon and cereal and hash browns. Oh the glorious hash browns. And super dry French toast sticks. And old bananas and even older apples.
Energized, we raced back to the dorm room to shower and begin pounding booze. The food helped me evacuate my bowels, as running the shower helped ease my anxiety caused by pooping around other human beings. We donned plenty of green and white regalia, representing our school’s colors. We began taking shots of an absolutely revolting vodka called Cherry Burnett’s. It was awful. We took tiny sips off a Mountain Dew bottle that was being passed around to act as a chaser and counteract the horrible burn of Burnett’s vodka. Plus the Mountain Dew helped get the alcohol into our bloodstream faster. That’s the goal in all this, after all.
After a little more than 90 minutes the vodka is gone, and we proceed to consume all the leftover light beers from the night before. To really top off our buzz, me and Mingo decided to roll a joint that us two could smoke on our 15 minute walk to the stadium.
Today is the day we face our biggest sports rival, the University of Michigan Wolverines. Fucking arrogant bastards. Er, at least that’s what the sentiments of the student fans were at the time of the big game.
We exit the dorms and begin walking north to glorious Spartan Stadium, located in the middle of Michigan State University’s vast campus. It is now a little after 10AM and we are expecting a capacity crowd of nearly 80,000 drunken students and alumni.
It feels glorious outside. It hasn’t gotten to the cold part of fall season yet, but all the leaves on the trees are changing colors. It looks beautiful when combined with a sea of tens of thousands of green and white adorned humans. Once we begin inhaling the marijuana, it truly feels like the universe is smiling upon me. Or I’m just drunk and stoned.
There is a group of about a dozen fans walking behind our little trio on the way to the stadium. They remark that what we are smoking smells great and they wish us the best of luck for the day’s matchup.
Once inside, we are early enough to nab excellent seats in the lower level of the student section behind the goalposts. We are roughly 16 rows up. There’s more than 90 minutes until kick-off but we’re extremely buzzed. We proceed to happily rehash the night before and discuss our feelings on the game at hand. We revel in our youth and altered states of mind. It feels fucking fantastic even now, as I remember this day 5 years after the fact.
Eventually the crowd fills in. Total strangers surround us, but it’s okay because we are all covered in green and white. All of us intoxicated. Most of us between 18 and 20. We chant “asshole, asshole!” rhythmically at the handful of stray U of M fans that managed to get ahold of student section tickets. Around 50 scattered U of M fans in a sea of 20,000 belligerently drunk students. But everyone is perfectly safe. Just some run of the mill friendly, drunken taunting.
U of M has a history of collegiate football glory. Our school, the Michigan State Spartans, not as much. But in recent years our programs were fairly level in terms of wins and losses. And we beat them last season. Going into the game, U of M was ranked 22nd in the AP poll and our school was unranked at the time, but at the cusp of breaking into the top 25.
Finally it was noon. Kick-off time. After the pledge of allegiance and a particularly passionate rendition of the school fight song, the wolverines win the coin toss and choose to receive the opening kick-off. Everyone in the student section pulls out their keys and jingles them loudly as we shout “AAAHHHH----OHHHHHHHHH, AHHHH-OHHHHH” at the U of M return team.
We get to meet the people standing on the bleachers directly below our little drunken trio. We connect instantly because they also woke up early to get drunk and high. They also live in the residence hall where Barkevious and Mingo live. Should be a great game. They’re extremely animated.
After U of M get the opening score of the game with a short 36 yard field goal by hilariously named kicker Jason Olesnavage, the two teams trade turnovers before Michigan State gains possession. After a long drive, broad shouldered running back Larry Caper caps the effort with a powerful 1 yard touchdown run. The fans go nuts.
We do the trademark touchdown celebration of sitting down on the bleachers, placing our hands on the shoulders of the person sitting below you, then swaying back and forth in synchronized fashion. We sing the school fight song. The first quarter ends. I scramble to empty my bladder in a urinal trough before the 2nd quarter starts. It’s easy this time because all the cheap vodka and light beer has been bottled up for the past couple hours.
A stalemate ensues in the 2nd quarter. U of M gets a second field goal, this one 42 yards, with 4 minutes left in the 2nd quarter. Our Spartans methodically march down field but aren’t able to capitalize on a long drive, settling for a 26 yard chip shot field goal by 2008 school hero, our kicker Brett Swenson, as time expires and the first half comes to a close.
We mingle with the students standing in the row below us some more. We talk of our majors, our silly aspirations, and the state of the game, a low scoring 10-6 effort so far.
As the second half begins, and our earlier inebriation fades, rain starts to pour down on us. I pull up the hood on my sweatshirt, but everyone gets soaked within minutes. But we’re okay with it. These are our biggest rivals. We yell even louder on opposing third downs and cheer harder for our team’s first down conversions.
After an unproductive first drive to start the half, our Spartans get the ball courtesy of a wolverine punt. Another long, methodical drive headlined by running back duo Glenn Winston and Larry Caper. But mostly a long scramble from quarterback Kirk Cousins keeps the drive alive. We are once again held at the goal line and settle for a chip shot from 24 yards out by Brett Swenson with 6 minutes left in the 3rd quarter.
The rain has passed, mercifully. We are all soaked but in great spirits. We have shut down U of M’s anemic offense, headlined by dreadful quarterback Tate Forcier. We forced five Zoltan Mesko punts on the day. Best of all, we were up 13-6 on our chief rival and now just had one more quarter to go before securing our second consecutive win a row over the wolverines.
We were in U of M territory and threatening to score when the 4th started. On the second play of the quarter, running back Glenn Winston breaks off a marvelous 15 yard run, simply powering through attempted arm tackles. After the extra point kick, its 20-6. We’ve scored 13 straight and look to be in complete control. We’ve barely allowed U of M any possessions in the red zone, holding them to a field goal and a forced turnover in the times we did allow them to get close to the end zone.
After a costly fumble by our dear Spartans mid-way through the 4th quarter, U of M has the ball on their own 40 yard line. Then horror strikes quickly as Tate Forcier manages to break out of his funk for a 60 yard touchdown strike to receiver Darryl Stonum. There’s 4 minutes left in the game now. As we return the ensuing kick-off, the rain returns. The mood has sunk in the stadium.
After doing nothing on offense, we are forced to punt for only the third time all game. U of M crushes our spirits with countless lucky 3rd down conversions on their way to driving all the way down to our 9 yard line with only 7 seconds left in the game.
Down 20 to 13 and badly needing a touchdown to send the game into overtime, Tate Forcier rockets the tying touchdown into star receiver Roy Roundtree’s hands for the final 9 yards. In those short 5 seconds our dreams are dashed. Rain has soaked us. 80,000 formerly cheering fans now feel stunned. Like we lost the game, even though we were still headed to overtime with a chance to win.
Dominating the game so thoroughly, but allowing it to go to overtime felt heart wrenching. Those two field goals should both have been touchdowns for us. And we should never have allowed for U of M to score twice in 4 minutes at the end of the game like that. We should have won 28-6 and be on our way to dry off at home.
Instead, U of M gets the ball to start overtime on our 30 yard line. After a couple first downs that worry the crowd, Tate comes through with a gift of an interception in the endzone.
A tip caught by cornerback Chris L. Rucker! A giant roar through the stadium erupts. All we need is a field goal now!
After a couple conservative runs to start our drive, we hand off to Mr. Larry Caper on 3rd and 3.
HE BREAKS THROUGH THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENDERS, BREAKS AN ARM TACKLE, AND HE’S OFF TO THE RACES! 23 yards for the TOUCHDOWN!!!
Pandemonium breaks out in the student section. Everyone is hugging and jumping up and down in pure delirium. 20,000 student fans ecstatic in glorious victory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tTukx5496s
After nearly an hour long post game celebration with the marching band, most of the football team, and 70% of the student section, people finally begin to disperse as the rain continues pouring down. But no one cares. Not after that emotional rollercoaster.
That game is why you buy the season ticket package when you are a student living on campus. That is the whole college experience. That is why football earns billions of dollars for universities across our great nation.
Stats were courtesy of:
http://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/boxscores/2009-10-03-michigan-state.html
Feel free to follow me during all MSU football games this season at:
https://twitter.com/arthur_herpderp