Richie Tozier Does the Wired Autocomplete Interview
Summary: Richie does the Wired Autocomplete Interview. Little does he know, there’s a surprise waiting for him at the end.
Word Count: 1150-ish
Warnings: None whatsoever. This is pure fluff.
Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because I promised.
CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.
Richie took a sip of his coffee before setting his take-out cup down next to his chair. "Okay, let's do this."
He waited for his cue then looked at the camera. "Hi, I'm Richie Tozier and I'm here to do the Wired Autocomplete Interview."
He paused and picked up the first poster board. "Is Richie Tozier…" he read out loud, then pulled off the first strip covering the rest of the question. "Gay?
"Yep," he answered, popping the 'p' with a grin. "I'm strictly dickly, and only interested in one guy's dick in particular these days. Next question!"
He pulled off the next strip. "Is Richie Tozier an actor?" He shrugged. "Well sure, if you count all those years I acted like I was straight. Otherwise, no, I've never been in a movie or on a TV show, unless you count hosting duties on SNL or talk show appearances. Moving on!"
Richie laughed at the next question. "Is Richie Tozier on drugs? One would think, huh, especially after my public breakdown on stage a few years ago. No, contrary to popular belief the only drugs I've ever been on are the ones that have been legally prescribed to keep me as a mostly-functional human being.
"Ok, next. Is Richie Tozier friends with William Denbrough?" He smiled. "Ahh, Billy Boy. Big Bill. Billiam. Yes, Bill and I were friends when we were growing up together in a little backwards-as-fuck town in Maine. We lost touch for a long time but reconnected a few years ago along with the rest of our group of friends and all hang out as much as we can.
"Last question on this card. Is Richie Tozier funny? Depends on who you ask. My friends would probably say no but the Emmy award sitting on my mantel would disagree with them."
Richie tossed the poster to the side. "NEXT!"
He picked up the next poster. "Does Richie Tozier…" He pulled off the first strip. "...Live in California? Yes, my home base is in L.A., but I currently split my time between L.A. and New York.
"Next question… Does Richie Tozier have any pets? Sadly, no, not at the moment. It's too difficult with my travel schedule to have a pet right now.
"Does Richie Tozier write his own jokes?" Richie winced. "I didn't for a long time, as made obvious by all the past jokes about the fake girlfriend that I most definitely did not have, but I have been for a few years now and they mostly seem to be going over well.
"Does Richie Tozier have a wife? Again, gay as fuck, so no.
"And the last question for this one… Does Richie Tozier wear contacts? I have them, but I never wear them. Contacts make my eyes itchy. Besides, my glasses have been part of my signature look for so long that they're basically part of my brand."
Richie tossed that poster aside and picked up the next one. "Moving right along! How did Richie Tozier get the nickname 'Trashmouth'?" Richie chuckled. "It was a childhood nickname that stuck. I was always making jokes and talking trash as a kid, so one day my friend Stan apparently had had enough and told me to shut my trash mouth, and it stuck. Actually the other day Stan called me 'dumpster fire', so the old nickname might be changing.
"How old is Richie Tozier? Let's just say I'm a Gen X'er and leave it at that.
"How did Richie Tozier become a comedian?" Richie looked directly at the camera. "Through a little luck and a lot of hard work.
"How did Richie Tozier win an Emmy? Honestly I have no idea. See above answer, I guess."
He set the poster down. "Is that it? Oh no, wait, there's one more set of questions."
Unlike the previous posters that had the beginning of the question revealed, the last poster had the entirety of each question hidden.
Richie pulled off the first strip before reading the question. "Is Richie Tozier in a relationship?" Richie put a hand over his heart. "The answer to this, and I honestly cannot be more happy to say this, is yes. My boyfriend Eddie and I have been together for two glorious years.
"How did Richie Tozier meet his boyfriend?" Richie grinned. "I'm sensing a pattern here. He was part of the friend group that I mentioned earlier, but my feelings for Eds were always different than my feelings for the rest of my friends, as in I loved to piss him off extra just to get him to touch me. While we were all back together in our hometown a few years ago Eddie was in a serious accident and almost died, and I was so relieved when he woke up in the hospital that I cried like a little bitch and confessed my love for him. Luckily for me, he reciprocated, and the rest, as they say, is history.
"Does Richie Tozier love his boyfriend?" Richie snorted. "People must see our Twitter exchanges. Don't worry, we don't actually hate each other -- roasting each other is basically foreplay for us. Eds gives as good as he gets -- in more ways than one, if you know what I mean. So to answer the question, yes, I love my boyfriend more and more every single fucking day. He's a tiny little ball of rage and I wouldn't trade him for anything."
Richie adjusted his glasses. "Okay, last question." He pulled off the final strip. "Will you marry me?" He blinked. "Wait, what the fuck?"
He looked at the question again just to make sure he read it correctly, then looked around in confusion until he saw Eddie joining him. He turned to face Eddie instead of the camera. "Eds, what the fuck ? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Bumfuck, Ohio on a business trip."
"You didn't answer the last question, Rich," Eddie replied.
"What the fuck do you mean, I didn't answer the last-- HOLY FUCKING SHIT."
Eddie had gotten down on one knee, pulling a platinum band out of his pocket and holding it up. "Marry me, Richie."
Richie blinked, willing his brain to form a coherent thought. "Yes." That sounds right.
Eddie grinned. "Yes?"
"Yes, yes, fucking yes ." Richie started to tear up.
Eddie stood and slid the ring onto Richie's finger before pulling him into a kiss. "I love you."
Richie sniffled and wrapped his arms around Eddie, realizing that Eddie had planned this out. "Oh my God, you clever, clever asshole. I love you so much," he murmured into Eddie's neck.
"Wanna wrap this up and go celebrate back at the hotel?"
Richie nodded and turned back towards the camera. "Once again, I'm Richie Tozier and this gorgeous specimen is my fiancé. Look for my new special, My Boyfriend is Hotter than Yours, premiering April 12th only on Netflix."
The 1st Annual Losers' Club Christmakkah Celebration
Summary: The Losers gather for their first annual Christmakkah celebration. Several announcements are made, and Richie’s Christmas wish just may come true.
Word Count: 2800-ish
Warnings: None whatsoever. This is pure fluff.
Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it.
1st in a (at least) 3-part series where the Losers take turns hosting Christmakkah.
CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.
Bzz bzzz. Bzzz bzzz. Bzzz Bzzz. Bzzz bzzz.
Richie Tozier groaned and picked his phone up off of his nightstand, squinting at it in the harsh early morning light and smiling sleepily when he saw that new messages were flooding in in the Losers’ group text thread.
Benverly (Bev): First annual Loser’s Club Non-denominational Holiday Celebration at Ben’s house on December 24th!
Benverly (Ben): OUR house, Bev.
Benverly (Bev): Our house. :-*
Benverly (Ben): I love being able to say that.
Micycle: Can’t wait!
Billiam: Audra and I will definitely be there!
Staniel: Patty and I will be there.
Eds: I’m coming.
Richie waited until everyone had confirmed before sending his response. Oh, I don’t know if I can be away from Eds’s mom for that long.
Eddie’s reply immediately came through.
Eds: Dude, you realize the joke no longer works since my mom’s been dead for 12 years, right?
Eds: Also, fuck you.
Richie grinned. Love you too, Eds.
Staniel: Richie, you had better be there or else I’m personally coming get you and dragging your ass to Ben & Beverly’s.
Richie shook his head. I’m kidding, guys, I’ll be at Christmakkah. Honestly, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.
Eds: Good, it wouldn’t be a Losers’ Holiday Celebration without the biggest loser of us all.
Richie snorted with laughter. Ouch, Eds, you wound me. 💀
Eds: Truth hurts, asshole. And that’s still not my name.
Billiam: Christmakkah? Really?
Staniel: Actually, I kind of like it.
Benverly (Ben): Ok, 1st annual Losers’ Christmakkah Celebration at my & Bev’s house then. :)
Everyone had mutually agreed that gifts weren’t necessary, that everyone having made it out of Neibolt alive and It being well and truly dead was gift enough.
Richie was never one to follow the rules, however, which is how he found himself loaded down with gift bags in front of Ben & Beverly’s house 3 weeks later. He rang the doorbell.
A few seconds later the door swung open to reveal Eddie.
Richie blinked. “Hey, Eds.”
A smile spread over Eddie’s face. “Richie, hey. Come on in, everyone’s in the dining room.”
Richie stepped inside and Eddie reached for some of the gift bags. “Here, let me help you with that stuff.”
Richie and Eddie deposited Richie’s gifts in the living room. Once Richie had taken his jacket and gloves off and was settled, Eddie pulled him into a hug. “I’m really glad to see you, man.”
“Same here, Eds. I’ve missed you– I mean I’ve missed all of you. Even though it’s only been a few months. Yeah. Anyway, let’s go in the dining room so I can see everyone else.”
Once they reached the dining room, Richie announced his presence in his usual loud, playful fashion. “Happy Christmakkah, Losers!” he shouted.
“Richie!” came the chorus of replies, followed by hugs and greetings.
Bev rubbed her hands together. “Good, now that you’re here, let’s eat!”
After dinner, everyone gathered in Ben & Bev’s gigantic living room to sit by the fire and socialize. Stan, Patty, Ben, & Bev sat on one sofa, Audra, Bill & Mike were on the other, and Richie and Eddie each sat in the 2 armchairs by the fireplace.
“While we’re all here, Patty and I have a gift for everyone,” Stan announced. “I know we said that we weren’t going to get everyone gifts, but…” he shrugged. “You’ll just have to deal with it.”
He began handing out bags to everyone. “Don’t open them yet.”
Richie fiddled with the tissue paper sticking out of his bag as he waited for Stan to sit back down. “Ok, go ahead,” Stan said.
Richie pulled the tissue paper out and pulled out a white onesie that read “I love my uncle.” He looked around everyone else, who all held the same gift, with Bev’s reading “I love my aunt” instead.
Stan placed a hand over Patty’s stomach. “We’re expecting!” he said excitedly.
Richie jumped up and gave Stan a hug. “Staniel, you old dog, congratulations!” He then turned to Patty, giving her a much gentler hug. “You guys are going to be fucking phenomenal parents, I just know it.”
After everyone had congratulated Stan and Patty, Ben cleared his throat, looking at Bev in silent conversation. Bev tilted her head in affirmation.
Ben got up and grabbed some gift bags from behind the couch. “Here you go, everyone,” Ben said sheepishly, handing them out.
Each bag contained a dual photo frame, one side holding a picture of the Losers’ at 13 and the other holding a more recent group photo that had been taken at the Jade of the Orient before they had all remembered It, and an envelope.
Richie tore his card open. Inside was an engagement announcement.
Bev linked her fingers through Ben’s. “We’re getting married,” she said happily. “We decided to do it while you’re all still here for the holidays since we want the most important people in our lives to be there.”
Another round of congratulations echoed around the room.
Bill spoke up next. “I brought gifts too. No announcement though, at least not unless you count a new book deal.”
Everyone congratulated Bill as he handed his gifts out, Richie good-naturedly teasing him about hoping Bill had finally learned how to write an ending.
“Ok, so I’m assuming no one listened and brought everyone a gift anyway?” Mike said, then nodded when Richie and Eddie both murmured an assent. “In that case I’m going next.”
He handed everyone their gift, then settled back down. “I do have a small announcement – I’ve decided to settle down in Key West. I just closed on a house last week.”
“Next Christmakkah at Mike’s,” Richie said jokingly, unwrapping his gift.
Mike had gifted each Loser with something he had picked up during his travels, Richie’s being a hand-carved wooden turtle.
He glanced at Mike.
“I saw that at a little roadside stand in Arizona and thought of you for some reason,” Mike explained with a shrug.
“I like it,” Richie replied with a nod. “Thanks, man.”
He hadn’t told anyone what he had seen in the deadlights, but he had distinctly remembered seeing a giant turtle right before he fell.
“What about you, Eddie?” Bev asked. “Any announcements?”
Richie studied Eddie’s profile. He looked… calmer than the last time Richie had seen him. Then again, the last time Richie had seen him they had just defeated IT a few days prior, so naturally they were all still a little frazzled.
“Actually, yes,” Eddie replied. “I filed for divorce once I got back to New York. Also, I quit my job. I figure at this point in my life it’s too late to become a doctor, but I’ve decided to go to nursing school to become a nurse practitioner.”
Richie’s heart sped up. Eddie’s single.
He mentally chastised himself. He's still your best friend, not to mention straight. Don’t fuck it up. He blinked as Eddie dropped a gift bag in his lap.
Eddie had obviously taken great care in selecting each person’s gifts, giving Bill a nice fountain pen and notebook set, Audra a spa certificate, Mike a hardcover coffee table-type book, Ben a vinyl re-release of New Kids on the Block’s Hanging Tough album, Bev a silk scarf that she had offhandedly mentioned wanting during a Losers’ Skype session a few months prior, Stan a book on exotic birds of Moldavia or something (Richie wasn’t quite sure) and Patty a broach with a hummingbird on it.
Richie carefully opened his gift, pulling out a leather jacket very similar to the one he had lost in the sewers. He softly stroked it.
Eddie had been watching him. “Thought you could use a replacement,” he said.
“Thanks, Eds.”
Richie realized belatedly that it was his turn. His mouth went dry. He almost blurted out that he didn’t have anything for anyone and that he had absolutely nothing to say, but Eddie had helped him haul his gifts in so he knew that wouldn’t work.
He stood and hurriedly passed out everyone’s gift bags. “Uh, my gift is also an announcement and this was the best way I could figure out how to do it, so…” He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hands. “Ok, go ahead.”
Each Loser (with Stan and Patty receiving one bag) pulled out a CD single of “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.
Richie studied each Loser’s expression as they looked at their gift. Ben, Bill, and Mike all looked confused, Bev had a slow smile spreading on her face, Stan was shaking his head while trying to hold back laughter, (the fucker, he probably knew back when we were kids –) and Eddie… well for once in his life Richie couldn’t read Eddie’s expression. He took a deep breath. “So yeah, um, surprise! I’m gay.” He did a little ‘tah-dah’ motion with his hands as an emphasis. “I’m gonna come out publicly soon but it was important to me to tell you guys first.”
Stan was the first one to move, standing and wrapping Richie in a hug. “I’m proud of you, Rich,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah, I mean somebody’s gotta be the cool gay uncle to the next generation of Losers,” Richie joked, holding back tears as the rest of the Losers embraced him.
He sniffled. “Ok, as much as I’m enjoying this mostly beefcake-filled love fest, I, uh, I need some air. I’ll be back in a few.”
Richie quickly detached himself from everyone and headed out to Ben and Beverly’s porch.
He had figured everyone would be supportive of him, but it had still been overwhelming. He took a few deep breaths in order to collect himself then froze as he heard a voice behind him.
“Hey Rich, you ok?” Eddie.
Richie sniffled and cleared his throat. “Yeah, man, I’m fine. Just needed a minute.”
Eddie walked up next to him. “I uh, I have to tell you something else,” he said quietly. “It’s why I divorced Myra.” He shook his head. “I mean, obviously I wasn’t happy, but there was more to it than just that.”
Richie fought the urge to make a joke about Eddie realizing his Oedipus complex. Now’s not the time, Tozier. “Hey, man, your life is your business, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s up to you–”
“I’m in love with you,” Eddie blurted.
Richie blinked. “You’re in what with who now?”
Eddie sighed and looked skyward as if praying for strength.
Richie couldn’t believe his ears. “Ed. Eds. Eddie. I swear to Christ if you’re just fucking with me–”
“Jesus, Richie, do you honestly think I would ever do that–” Eddie spluttered.
“–Because I honestly couldn’t take it if you were.”
Eddie shook his head. “Look, Rich… All these years, it wasn’t just my childhood memories that were missing, it felt like… like part of my soul was gone too. I’d been attracted to a few guys in college – all tall, dark-haired, lanky motherfuckers, but I always felt like I was comparing them to some unknown person so they never worked out. Then I met Myra and she was just so… safe that I buried that part of myself and wound up marrying her, even though I knew I was making a mistake.”
Eddie smiled. “Then about a year ago I caught one of your specials on TV and felt a peace I hadn’t had in years. So I watched all of the shows that I could get my hands on, then I found a bunch of clips of you on YouTube and watched those too. There was something so… familiar about you, even though in the back of my mind I knew something was off - which as it turns out, was that your jokes weren’t really yours.” He huffed out a laugh.
Richie winced. “I’m working on that.”
“Good. You’re much funnier than you give yourself credit for.”
“You think I’m funny?”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”
Richie was still processing. What the actual fuck. “So wait, so you're… into dudes?”
Eddie smirked. “Well, I’m certainly not actually into women.”
“And you’re into me in particular.”
“Yes.”
Richie still didn’t quite get it. “Why?”
Judging by Eddie’s reaction Richie realized he hadn’t just thought it, but had said it out loud.
“Because, Rich, you’re you. You never made fun of me because of my hypochondria, you always protected me when Bowers would give us shit, and no matter how bad things got at home I always knew I could go to you and you wouldn’t ask any questions and would let me stay as long as I needed. You’re my best friend and I always loved the way you made me feel when I was around you. At first I thought it was perfectly normal to feel for your friends like I felt about you, but as we got older and I started to analyze it I realized that I didn’t feel about any of the others in quite the same way. You were always joking around and acting like you didn’t give a shit about what anyone said, and I wanted to be like that… You made me want to be brave.”
Richie’s heart cracked. “Eds. I’ve told you before. You are brave. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”
Eddie shook his head. “I wasn’t though. For the longest time I was terrified to admit it to myself, but after everything that happened this year I knew I was finally brave enough to tell you. I love you, Rich. I’ve loved you since we were 12 years old, and when I turned and saw you at the Jade the final pieces of the puzzle sort of slotted back into place. I knew I couldn’t go back to New York and keep living life the way I had been, but I also felt like I couldn’t tell you how I felt about you while I was still married. It wasn’t fair to you or to Myra. So when I got home I told Myra as much as I could, and we mutually agreed to separate. The divorce was finalized last week.”
“Fuck, Eddie…” Richie couldn’t believe it. Eddie loves me. Eddie LOVES me. Holy fucking shit, EDDIE loves ME.
Eddie was still talking. “And I mean it’s fine, I know just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re into me, and if you didn’t feel the same back then or even now it’s okay because– mmph.”
Before Richie could even process what he was doing he had pulled Eddie to him and had slotted his lips over Eddie’s.
Eddie’s lips were just as soft as Richie had always imagined. I see he’s still using Chapstick religiously, he thought, moaning as Eddie nipped his bottom lip then soothed the bite with his tongue while his hands reached up to tangle themselves into Richie’s unruly hair.
He briefly detatched himself from Eddie’s lips. “I love you too, Eds,” he breathed. “I loved you before I even knew what love was and I’ve loved you every day since. You’re it for me.”
Eddie let out a growl and pulled him back in, immediately deepening the kiss.
Oh Jesus Christ yes, PLEASE. Richie would’ve happily stayed right there on Ben and Bev’s porch making out with Eddie all night, but unfortunately he was outside in 30-degree weather without a coat. He shivered.
Eddie pulled back. “Christ, Richie, you’re freezing. Come on, let’s go inside with the others.”
Richie held him back. “Wait, wait, Eds. How exactly is this going to work? We live on opposite sides of the country.”
Eddie bit his lip. “I um, actually I didn’t exactly say where I was going to school either.” He glanced up at Richie. “I enrolled at UCLA.”
A smile bloomed on Richie’s face. “Really? You’re moving to L.A.?”
“Yeah, I mean UCLA has a great nursing program and I needed a change of scenery anyway, so I figured the west coast would be a good choice…”
Richie thought about his cold, empty house in Beverly Hills. Here goes nothing. “So, do you like, have a house or apartment or anything yet?”
Eddie shook his head. “No, not yet. I’m looking into apartments near campus but I haven’t found anything yet.”
“Because you know you can totally come stay with me while you look for a place, or… even better, just move in with me permanently.” Richie bit his lip. “Because like I said, you’re it for me, Eds. You’ve always been it for me. You’ll always be it for me.”
Eddie was silent for a few moments, appearing to be weighing his options. Finally he said, “Okay.”
Richie’s heart leapt. “Okay?”
Eddie grinned. “Yeah. Okay. Because you’re it for me too, you know.”
“Well in that case…” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand, dragging him inside. “HEY, EVERYONE! WE HAVE ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!”
The 2nd Annual Losers' Club Christmakkah Celebration
Summary: The Losers gather for their second annual Christmakkah celebration, and there is a special gift under the tree with Richie’s name on it.
Word Count: 2800-ish
Warnings: None whatsoever. This is pure fluff.
Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it. 2nd in a (at least) 3-part series where the Losers take turns hosting Christmakkah. Part 1 here.
CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.
“I checked in for our flight to Atlanta,” Richie said as he walked into the kitchen where his boyfriend, Eddie, was currently leaning down and peeking in on something that was baking in their oven. He wrapped his arms around Eddie. “Mmm. Something smells delicious.”
“I’m making a lasagna,” Eddie replied, straightening up and turning to greet Richie.
Richie planted a kiss on the top of his head before nuzzling his neck. “I meant you, babe.” He gently grazed Eddie’s pulse point with his teeth before soothing the spot with his tongue. “Taste even better.”
Eddie shivered, then leaned back with a smile. He tilted his head up for a proper kiss. “Hi.”
“Mmm. Hey yourself. How was your thesis presentation?”
“Good, really good. Dr. Cubillas seemed really happy with my research and asked me if I’d be interested in a TA position once I start the Master’s program next semester.”
Richie grinned. “Eds, that’s fantastic. I’m so proud of you, babe.”
“Thanks, Rich. I know my savings won’t last forever, so I’m glad I was able to get this 2nd Bachelor’s so quickly and it’d be good if I could make some extra money working for the university while pursuing my Master’s. Plus then I wouldn’t be up to my eyeballs in student loan debt after I graduate since my tuition would be covered.”
“Eds, I told you, if you need money I’ll give it to you, however much you need. I’d have zero problem with being your sugar daddy.”
Before Eddie could even protest, he added, “but I know how much your financial independence means to you, so just know the offer stands. I love you and I’m willing to support you in whatever way you need, be it financial, emotional, physical…” he trailed off as his hands slid down to palm Eddie’s ass, giving both cheeks a hearty squeeze.
Eddie shook his head fondly. “I love you too, Richie. And thank you.” They stood there in silence for a bit, just enjoying being in each other’s arms.
Richie could hardly believe that this was his life. Less than a year ago he had thought that he would be destined to be in lifelong (not counting the 27-year-long asshole clown-induced amnesia) unrequited love with his married, straight childhood best friend. But during the Losers’ first Christmakkah celebration, Eddie had not only announced to the Losers that he had divorced his wife and quit his job, but he had also told Richie privately that he was moving to Los Angeles to go to nursing school, and – the best news of all – that he was in love with Richie.
So now, a year later, Richie stood in his kitchen with the love of his life in his arms, getting ready to fly out to Stan’s house for their 2nd annual Losers’ Christmakkah Celebration.
Finally, Eddie reluctantly extracted himself from Richie’s embrace. “I need to get the lasagna out.”
“Ok, babe. I’m gonna go shower before dinner.” Richie gave Eddie one last kiss before heading to their bedroom.
He had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself when Eddie called out, “Hey, Rich?”
“Yeah?” Richie replied, walking into their bedroom from the connecting bathroom.
Eddie stood by their bed. “The teddy bear you ordered for Olivia just came in.”
Olivia was Stan and Patty’s 3-month-old daughter and the first of a new generation of Losers. She had Stan’s curly hair and Patty’s nose, and already had her uncles and aunt wrapped around her finger.
“Ok great, thanks.” Richie walked over to Eddie and wrapped his arms around him.
“I already got it in a bag and put it in the suitcase with the rest of Liv’s gifts.”
“Ok so that should be it, right? I have Bill’s gift in my suitcase and you said you had Mike’s gift shipped directly to Stan’s, right?”
This year, instead of deciding not to exchange gifts (since last year they tried that and everyone wound up bringing presents regardless) the Losers had decided to do a “holiday gift exchange” where each Loser was randomly assigned one of the others’ names and bought that person a gift.
Richie had been assigned Bill, and in true Richie fashion had bought him a copy of Save the Cat Writes a Novel as a gag gift. (He had also bought him a first edition copy of Dracula as his actual gift; Richie was a bit of a prankster, but he wasn’t a complete asshole.)
Eddie glanced over at his suitcase. “Yeah, just so it’s less that we have to carry. You’re all packed then?”
Richie quirked an eyebrow and bit back a grin. “Well no, that’s what I have you for.”
“Wait a minute, you mean our flight leaves in less than 15 hours and you’re not packed yet?” Eddie’s voice went up in pitch with each word.
Richie couldn’t keep a straight face. “Eds, babe, I’m kidding, calm down. I packed a couple of days ago according to the list you gave me. Even folded my shirts and everything.”
“That was so not funny.” Eddie glowered at him. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“Mmm, true,” Richie said sincerely, pulling Eddie even closer and tucking his head into Eddie’s neck. “I’m the luckiest motherfucker alive.”
He could feel the residual tension leave Eddie’s body. “Now, I take it that dinner’s ready, and not only that but we have an early flight to catch, so let’s eat and get ready for bed.”
“…This is your captain speaking. I’d like to personally welcome you to Atlanta, Georgia.The time is 2:40 pm and the temperature is 61 degrees. On behalf of all of us, thank you for flying Delta.”
Richie pulled out his phone and shot off a text to Stan as soon as he and Eddie deplaned. Eds and I just landed. On our way as soon as we get our luggage.
Stan the Man: Ben & Bev and Mike are already here and I think Bill & Audra’s flight should be arriving in about an hour and a half.
Stan the Man: Eddie has our address. See you guys soon.
Richie put his phone away as he & Eddie made their way to baggage claim to collect their luggage, and soon they were on their way to Stan and Patty’s house.
Upon arriving they hauled their suitcases up Stan’s porch steps and rang the doorbell.
Stan answered the door. “Hey, guys. So glad you could make it.”
“Staniel! How’s it going?” Richie gave Stan a quick hug before turning to Patty, who was holding Olivia. “Patty, looking beautiful, as always. And how’s my favorite niece?” he cooed at Olivia.
“Hey, I take offense to that,” Beverly said jokingly as she entered the room, rubbing her growing stomach. “As I’m sure do Bill and Audra.”
Richie gave her a peck on the cheek. “Well, considering both you and Audra are having boys, Liv will continue to be my favorite niece. But don’t worry, whoever gets named after me will get the title of favorite nephew.”
“Well too bad for you then, huh?” Bev laughed.
“Yeah, yeah. Everyone knows that Uncle Richie will spoil Little Benson and Wilson just as much as I spoil Olivia.”
“I’m sure you will,” Eddie said coming up from behind him and giving Beverly a hug and a peck on the cheek as well. “Bev, how have you been feeling?”
“So where’s that gorgeous husband of yours?” Richie asked.
Beverly grinned. “You know how he & Mike are when they get together. They’re looking at pictures from Mike’s trip to New Orleans last month. Appreciating the architecture.”
Richie snorted. “Nerds.”
“Let me show you guys to your room,” Stan said. “I know you both probably want to take a nap and a shower before the festivities tonight.”
“I don’t know about you guys, but a nap does sound wonderful,” Beverly added. “I’m still a bit jet-lagged.”
Stan led them to one of the spare bedrooms with its own private bathroom. “We’re planning on dinner at six, so you guys can come down at any time.”
“Oh, hey, what are we doing with the gifts?” Richie asked. “We have some for Olivia and I have my exchange gift.”
“I think we’re putting them by the Christmakkah tree,” Stan said. “Thanks for the menorah ornaments, by the way.”
Richie grinned. “I couldn’t pass them up.”
Eddie grabbed the suitcase with the gifts before Richie could get to it. “Here, Rich, why don’t you go ahead and rest and I’ll go put the gifts under the tree? I’ll be right back.”
Before Richie could answer Eddie was carefully wheeling the suitcase back downstairs.
Richie shook his head fondly. That’s my Eddie.
As much as Eddie had changed over the past 27 years, at his core he was still Eddie. He was still the same neurotic, foul-mouthed, caring little shit that Richie had fallen in love with all those years ago.
I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
The thought shouldn’t have surprised Richie – after all, he had had the same thought once before when they were teenagers – but now, now, he could; that is, if Eddie would have him. Does Eddie even want to get married again?
Although they were 100% committed to each other, marriage wasn’t exactly something they had talked about.
Still, Richie let his mind wander, thinking about going out and buying a ring, planning the perfect proposal (maybe the day Eddie got his Master’s degree? Richie wasn’t sure he could wait any longer than that), sliding the ring onto Eddie’s finger…
He was still thinking when Eddie came back into the room. “Okay, Olivia’s gifts are all set out, and we really should’ve gotten something for Ben & Bev and Bill & Audra’s kids, maybe each like a onesie or something.”
He walked over to Richie and lay down next to him on the bed, noticing the obviously sappy look on Richie’s face. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Marry me, Richie thought, but instead said, “God, I love you.”
Eddie’s face instantly softened. “I love you too.”
“I’m so proud of you, you know that?” Richie continued. “I know the past year hasn’t been easy but you’ve kicked ass and managed to get your nursing degree in 3 semesters–”
Eddie snorted. “Yeah, only because all the anatomy and health classes I took the first time I was in college managed to transfer once I tested out of them, not to mention the fact that I took the max number of hours each semester and also took summer classes while you were on tour instead of going with you.”
“And not only that, but you received your degree with a 4.0 and was offered a TA position when you start the graduate program next semester.” Richie scooted closer and rolled his hips into Eddie’s. “Mmm, just thinking about playing nurse with my brilliant boyfriend is getting me all hot. Can’t wait to call you ‘Nurse Kaspbrak’ in bed.”
Eddie’s face contorted in an adorable combination of rage and laughter. “You had to go and ruin it, didn’t you?”
Richie laughed. “No but really, I’m so fucking proud of you, Eds and I’m honored to be along for the ride.”
“Thank you, Rich. I’m glad you’re part of it too.” Eddie gave him a peck on the tip of his nose. “Now rest, we’ve got an exciting night ahead.”
After a few hours’ nap Richie woke up to an empty bed but could hear the shower running.
He contemplated drifting back off to sleep when he heard the shower shut off and the bathroom door open. “Rich? You awake? It’s 5:15.”
Richie stretched and ran a hand through his messy hair, grabbing for his glasses as he sat up. “Yeah, babe, I’m up.”
Eddie gave him a quick kiss. “I’m gonna get dressed and head downstairs to see if Stan and Patty need help with anything while you’re in the shower. Meet you down there?”
Richie nodded, then slid out of bed and padded to the bathroom, where he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and got dressed in the outfit Eddie had laid out on the bed for him – a soft lime green cashmere sweater and a pair of jeans – and headed down the stairs, where he rounded the corner to see all the Losers together.
He greeted Ben and Mike, then Bill and Audra, placing a gentle hand on Audra’s stomach when she asked him if he wanted to feel the baby kick.
He turned when he heard the click of a camera and looked up to see Eddie putting his phone away. “Blackmail photos?” he said jokingly. “Come on, Eds, all you have to do is ask in order to get me in more compromising positions.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Gotta document you being cute since it happens so rarely.”
After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room for their gift exchange. Richie took a sleeping Olivia while Stan and Patty opened her gifts.
The Losers gifted her with various toys, clothes (“I’m thinking about starting a children’s clothing line,” Beverly explained when Patty pulled a beautiful hand-stitched dress out of a gift bag), and other necessities for a baby.
Richie looked down when Olivia stirred and blinked her eyes open. “Well hello, princess,” Richie cooed. “You decided to wake up for Uncle Richie?”
He grinned as Olivia smiled at him. “Aww look, Eds, she’s smiling at me! Yes, you think Uncle Richie is funny, don’t you?”
“She’d be the only one,” Stan said dryly as he took her in order to change her now that she was awake.
“Hey, I will have you know that all of my jokes are now Eddie-approved,” Richie replied.
Eddie shrugged. “What can I say, his stand-up has improved since firing his writer.”
Once Stan had come back and set Olivia in her bassinet, it was time for the adults to exchange gifts.
Once Bill, Audra, Ben, Bev, Mike, and Patty (who had Patty, Ben, Eddie, Audra, Stan, and Bev, respectively) all had gone, Stan stood. “I had Mike,” he announced, before handing Mike his gift.
Richie glanced over at Eddie, who was studying the hem of his sweater as if it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. He opened his mouth to say something to Eddie when Stan interrupted. “Rich, you want to go next?”
Richie glanced to where 7 pairs of eyes were staring at him. “Uh, yeah, ok.”
He stood and handed Bill’s gift to him. “Merry Christmakkah, man.”
Bill laughed at the copy of Save the Cat. “I figure it’ll help you learn how to write an ending,” Richie joked.
“Thanks, Richie. This is so great.”
Richie sat back down on the sofa and Stan turned to Eddie. “Eddie, it’s your turn.”
Eddie went to the tree and grabbed a wrapped present. “I really did have it shipped here so you wouldn’t be nosing in the closets trying to find it.”
Richie ripped open the wrapping paper. “Eds, baby, this is fantastic! Thank you so much.” Eddie had bought him a new Bluetooth-enabled, all-in-one record player.
“There’s um, there’s something else, too,” Eddie said, heading back to the tree.
Richie watched as Stan and Eddie seemed to have a silent conversation before Eddie nodded, picking up a small, light blue gift bag. He silently handed it to Richie.
“Aww, thanks, babe.”
Richie untied the white ribbon that was keeping the bag shut, stuck his hand inside…
… And pulled out a note.
“Uh, Eds, baby, it’s customary to give the gag gift BEFORE giving the real gift,” he said jokingly.
“Just read it,” Eddie replied. He seemed nervous.
Richie unfolded the note. In Eddie’s neat handwriting were 5 words:
Richie, will you marry me?
What. He looked up and froze.
Eddie was down on one knee in front of him, a platinum ring in his hands.
Richie blinked. “Eds?”
Eddie took a deep breath. “Richie, exactly one year ago we took one of the biggest leaps of our lives together. Will you take another with me tonight and make me the happiest man alive?”
Richie’s eyes filled with tears. “Fuck yes,” he said, then pulled Eddie to him for a kiss.
Cheers and congratulations filled his ears.
Eddie slid the ring onto his finger. “I love you so much,” he whispered against Richie’s lips.
“I love you too.”
In the meantime, Stan and Patty had grabbed a bottle of champagne (sparkling grape juice for Bev and Audra) and had poured everyone a glass. “A toast!” Stan declared. “To Eddie and Richie: May you be friends to each other as only lovers can; and may you love each other as only best friends can. Mazel tov!”
“Mazel tov!” everyone else echoed as they raised their glasses.
Richie looked around at his friends – no, his family – as they all took a sip of their drinks, then down at Eddie, who was looking up at him with the same love and admiration that Richie himself felt for Eddie.
“Merry Christmakkah, Rich,” Eddie said softly.
“Merry Christmakkah, Eds,” he whispered before leaning down and connecting his lips to his fiance’s.
Summary: By-the-book DEA agent Edward “Eddie” Kaspbrak receives an assignment that takes him to Derry, ME in order to capture Robert “Bob” Gray, aka “Pennywise”, a notorious drug lord. Working with the local PD, he is partnered with Detective Richie Tozier, a wise-cracking, messy cop who immediately pushes Eddie’s buttons. When they have to go undercover as a pair, will they put aside their differences long enough to work together, or will working together reveal that they have more in common than they initially thought?
Word Count: 1089 for chapter 1.
Warnings: Canon-typical violence (in later parts), swearing, mentions of drug use, other tags to be updated as necessary for each part
Author’s Note: Slow-burn, Dual-PoV Reddie AU inspired by this gifset by the lovely @toesure!
Tagging: @yourpersonalsleepparalysisdemon
CROSS-POSTED AT AO3
“What does that even mean?” DEA agent Edward Kaspbrak muttered to himself as he sat at his desk, reviewing a fellow agent’s field report in order to transcribe it. He made a note to ask Franklin what the hell a ‘bananagram orangutan’ even was and was absentmindedly chewing on his pen while trying to make sense of the report when his extension rang.
He quickly took the pen out of his mouth and picked up the receiver without bothering to look at the caller ID. “Kaspbrak.”
“Agent Kaspbrak, urgent meeting in the conference room, now,” the voice of the DEA director, Nekol Eastwood, replied brusquely.
“Yes ma'am.” Eddie immediately hung up, grabbed his coffee, a notepad, and a new pen, and headed down the hall.
He entered the conference room and gave a brief nod to his colleagues already in attendance before sitting down and neatly arranging his belongings on the table, noticing that the projector that sat on the table was on and pointed towards the screen on the wall.
A few seconds later, Director Eastwood walked in. “Good morning everyone,” she said as she stepped behind the podium at the head of the room. “Thank you all for joining me on such short notice.”
Eddie turned his attention to the screen behind the Director as she picked up the presentation remote that had been sitting on the podium and clicked a button.
Eddie’s eyebrows raised as a photo appeared on the screen and Director Eastwood began to speak.
“At 6:42 AM this morning, we received an anonymous tip that Robert "Bob” Gray, also known as “Pennywise”, was currently located in a small town in rural Maine, which fits previous intel we had been given about an increase in the number of possible drug-related deaths in the area.“ She clicked to a new slide, showing a map of Maine, with a star on it labelled Derry.
"A small baggie of pills, all bearing Pennywise’s logo, was found at the latest scene.” She clicked again and a new slide appeared. On the left side of the screen was a crime scene photo showing a close-up of a baggie of pills on the floor of a room. On the right, another photo showed a singular pill bearing Pennywise’s clown-faced stamp.
“Agent Kaspbrak.”
At the sound of his name Eddie subconsciously straightened and his eyes snapped from the screen back to Director Eastwood. “Yes ma'am.”
“Since Pennywise is believed to be involved I want you to go to Maine and work with the local PD in order to find him and bring him in."
Eddie sucked in a breath. He had recently requested to be placed back on field duty but hadn’t expected to be handed an assignment quite so soon, especially not the one case he had been itching to get involved in. "Me, Director?”
Director Eastwood leveled a look at him. “You requested to be placed back on active field duty, did you not?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Well then. You’re approved.” Director Eastwood looked around the room. “The rest of you know your assignments. You’re dismissed.”
Eddie went to get up, but Director Eastwood stopped him. “Agent Kaspbrak, before you go, a moment please.”
Eddie lowered himself back into his seat as the rest of his colleagues filed out.
Director Eastwood shut the door behind them before taking a seat across from Eddie. “You seemed surprised to be handed this assignment.”
“I was,” Eddie replied, “but only because I just submitted my official request to return to the field last week. I just wasn’t expecting to be given an assignment so quickly, especially not one as broad and important as the Pennywise case.”
Director Eastwood steepled her fingers together and looked at Eddie over them. “I know you’ve been studying this case for a while now and know the details and Pennywise’s patterns better than anyone, which is why I gave it to you. But if you feel like it’s too soon or need to start with something smaller I can assign someone else, like Franklin for instance–”
“Don’t you DARE,” Eddie hissed so as not to be overheard. “Franklin is an idiot!”
Director Eastwood’s lips quirked up in a smile, but Eddie was on a roll and didn’t notice. “I was trying to make sense of his field report from the Monterey cartel case last month and I swear, it’s complete nonsense. It’s riddled with grammatical errors, he misspelled the word 'grapefruit’, and he used so much correction tape on it that it looks like half of it has been redacted.”
He finally noticed the grin on Director Eastwood’s face and narrowed his eyes. “You weren’t actually going to give this assignment to Franklin, were you?”
Director Eastwood just quirked an eyebrow and leaned back in her chair. “How are you doing, Eddie?” she asked seriously. “Really.”
Eddie sighed and relaxed. “I’m fine, Nikki, I promise. I honestly feel better than I have in years. You know the only reason I requested desk duty during my divorce proceedings was so that I could be sure to be in town for the meetings with my & Myra’s lawyers since Myra kept trying to stall by scheduling meetings for when she knew I was out of town on a case. But now that the divorce is final I can get back to doing what I do best – capturing drug-running scum like Pennywise and putting them behind bars.”
“Good. I’m really happy to hear you say that.”
Eddie bit his lip. “I… I do want to say thank you though for everything else you’ve done for me during the divorce. You have no idea how much I appreciate you, and the therapist you recommended has been great in helping me figuring out who I am and what I want in life.”
Director Eastwood paused. “Any time, Eddie. Just because I’ve been your boss for the past 3 years, it doesn’t cancel out the 20-plus years of friendship that we’ve had and the fact that you’re basically family. You’re my best friend and I love you like a brother. You know you can always count on me if you ever need to talk or anything. You truly deserve to find happiness.”
“Thanks, Nikki.”
Director Eastwood stood and patted Eddie on the shoulder. “Now, the details of your assignment will be on your desk by the end of the day. Oh, and Agent Kaspbrak?”
Eddie grinned. “Yes ma'am?”
“Go catch the bastard.”
Director Eastwood shot him a wink as she left the conference room.
So I *may* be writing Reddie wedding vows for The 3rd Annual Losers' Club Christmakkah Celebration and making myself tear up while doing so, and I *may* also have suddenly gotten an idea for a 4th part to the series... We shall see.
Summary: Richie wakes up from a nightmare in which Eddie doesn't survive Neibolt and gets reassured by Eddie that he is in fact, alive.
Warnings: Canon-typical language, nightmares.
Word Count: 2600-ish.
Author’s Note: I was working on my Masterlist and realized I never had cross-posted this from AO3, so here you go. Stan’s still dead in this one, but he makes a brief appearance.
CROSS-POSTED ON AO3.
Richie runs over to Eddie. "Eds, we got him! We--"
His heart freezes as he sees Eddie's eyes fixed in a blank stare, arms hanging limply at his sides.
Suddenly the entire cavern begins to shake.
"Richie, we have to go!" Mike yells at him.
"Not without Eddie!" Richie yells back. "He's hurt, we have to help him! We have to get him out of here!"
Beverly pulls at his hand, dragging him away from Eddie's body. "He's dead, Richie, come on. Richie! Rich--"
"--Chie, Richie, honey, wake up."
Richie opened his eyes with a gasp and sat bolt upright. He looked around his bedroom, which was illuminated by Richie's bedside lamp, then over at the blurry shape of his boyfriend leaning over him in the bed. "Eds?"
Eddie smiled softly. "Yeah, Rich, it's me."
Eddie. Richie was overwhelmed with emotion and covered his face with his hands. "Oh my God, Eddie. You were dead, you were fucking dead , Pennywise stabbed you and you died and I just fucking left you there --"
He broke off on a sob.
"Hey, no, babe, it was just a dream." Eddie pulled Richie's hand to his scarred bare chest, right over his steadily beating heart. "I'm ok, I'm alive, see? I'm here. You didn't leave me, Rich. You saved me, remember?" He gave Richie a gentle kiss. "You saved me. You carried me out of there and got me to a hospital just in time. I'm alive because of you."
Richie clung to Eddie and buried his face in Eddie's neck as he thought back to what had really happened after the Losers had defeated Pennywise.
The following 2 weeks after the final battle with It had been one of the most nerve-wracking of Richie's life. Eddie had been rushed to emergency surgery and, according to the hospital surgeon, managed to survive by 'nothing short of a miracle', and had been placed into a medically-induced coma while he began to heal.
Since Eddie obviously hadn't been in a position to fill out hospital paperwork, Beverly had taken it upon herself to do so and listed Richie as Eddie's emergency contact so Richie would be allowed to stay with Eddie and get updates.
To Richie's surprise no one ever came to kick him out, nor did Eddie's wife come storming into the room demanding to know what had happened to her husband, so Richie had assumed that no one in hospital administration had bothered to verify the emergency contact information on the paperwork.
Richie had stayed in the ICU waiting room until Eddie was declared stable enough to be moved into a regular room, then spent the next week and a half constantly by his bedside, with the other Losers rotating out in order to make sure Richie ate, slept, and somewhat showered.
10 days after Eddie's "accident" the doctors had decided he was stable enough to bring him out of the coma and allow him to wake up on his own, but it had taken another 2 days for half of Richie's soul to come back to him.
Ben, who had currently been on Richie-sitting duty, was in the hospital coffee shop getting some coffee & pastries for Richie & himself, so Richie had taken the opportunity to have a private conversation with Eddie.
"Hey, Eds, the docs said that your loved ones talking to you might help you regain consciousness faster because of familiarity or some such garbage so I doubt this will help since we've literally spent 3 days together in the past 27 years, but, uh, could you do me a solid and wake the fuck up? Please? I've got some really important shit to tell you and I need you to be awake to hear it."
He took Eddie's hand in his own, subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of Eddie's now oath-scar-free palm."I really need you to come back to me because... see the thing is I… I need to tell you to your stupidly adorable face that I've been in love with you since we were 12 years old.
I love you, Eds… Ever since we were kids I've loved you. I totally get it if you don't or never did feel the same way, I just… I just need you to know that."
He sighed and leaned his head down on Eddie's hand, placing a soft kiss to it.
Suddenly he heard a croaky voice. "Richie?"
His head popped up. "Eds?"
He watched in shock as Eddie's eyelids fluttered open.
"Richie?" Eddie said again.
Richie's throat constricted. "Yeah--" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, Eds, I'm here."
Eddie slowly turned his head towards Richie. "Did we get It?"
Richie sniffled. He hadn't realized that he had started crying. "Yeah, buddy. We did. We got It."
Eddie tried to sit up and grimaced. "How long have I been out?"
Richie jumped up to help Eddie. "12 days. The docs kept you in a medically-induced coma while you started healing."
Eddie blew out a breath. "12 days. Fuck. Feels like it just happened yesterday." He eyed Richie. "You look like shit."
Richie huffed out a laugh. "Haven't been getting much sleep in the past 12 days," he admitted. "Kinda had more important things to worry about."
Eddie took Richie's hand and his face went soft. "Richie, I--"
Ben chose that exact moment to come in with their breakfast. "Rich, they were out of everything bagels so I--" His eyes widened. "Holy shit," he said, setting the coffee and pastries down and rushing to Eddie's bedside. "Hey, Eddie. How you feeling?"
"Like I've been fucking skewered," Eddie said sardonically.
Ben grinned, then flicked his eyes over to Richie and Eddie's joined hands. "I'll, uh, I'll go get the nurse and call everyone to let them know that you're awake." He started slowly backing out of the room.
Eddie nodded.
As soon as Ben was gone, he turned back to Richie. "You guys have all been taking turns to stay with me?"
Richie rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "More or less." He suddenly felt embarrassed at his refusal to leave Eddie's bedside.
"More or less?" Eddie repeated. "Wha-- oh." A look of realization came over his face.
Richie was miraculously spared further conversation by the doctor coming in. "Mr. Kaspbrak, so glad you could join us. You're a very lucky man. How's the pain?"
The next few hours were a whirlwind of doctors and nurses filtering in and out of the room, a battery of tests being run, and bandages and tubes being changed. About 20 minutes after the doctor had come in the rest of the Losers had arrived, each greeting Eddie with a gentle hug.
When everything was done and they were finally left alone, the rest of the group filled Eddie in on what had happened during the rest of the battle with Pennywise.
"So Neibolt is gone," Eddie said. "Good. I always hated that fucking house."
Soon after, the rest of the Losers left Eddie to get some rest, leaving Eddie and Richie alone once again.
Eddie reached out and took Richie's hand once again, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for saving me," he said softly.
Richie squeezed Eddie's hand back. "Literally anytime, man," he said casually.
A nurse came in to check Eddie's vitals.
She gestured to Richie and Eddie's linked hands. "Your husband hasn't moved from your side since you've been here," she commented as she checked Eddie's saline and morphine drips. "You're a lucky man, Mr. Kaspbrak. He's quite the keeper."
Richie froze. Since Beverly had listed him as Eddie's emergency contact and Eddie had been wearing a wedding ring, the hospital staff had assumed that Richie and Eddie were married -- an assumption Richie hadn't ever bothered to correct.
Eddie had just raised an eyebrow at Richie. "Yeah, he sure is," he replied.
The nurse finished her rounds and left them alone again.
Eddie turned to Richie. "So, husband, huh?"
Richie blushed. "Um, about that… Well, Beverly filled out the paperwork and put me as your emergency contact so they wouldn't ask too many questions, and I guess they just assumed--"
Eddie shrugged. "Eh. It's no big deal. You & I have always fought like an old married couple, so even though I've been unconscious for almost 2 weeks it shouldn't be surprising that people assume we are one."
Richie ran his free hand through his messy hair. "Well, now that you're awake, I'm assuming you want to call your real-life wife, so I'm gonna go so you can do that--" He stood and went to let go of Eddie's hand but was kept in a firm grip.
He looked down at Eddie's hand then back up at Eddie's face, which showed a combination of determination and exhaustion.
"I didn't tell any of the others yet, but before we left for the Neibolt house that last time I called Myra and told her that I wasn't coming home, that I wanted a divorce," Eddie said wearily.
Richie was silent for a beat, then sat back down. "Well no wonder she didn't come running in here all worried about her 'Eddie-Bear'," he joked.
He didn't miss the flinch that passed over Eddie's face. He quickly changed the subject. "Man, you've had a hell of a past couple of weeks, huh?"
Eddie snorted. "That's an understatement. In the past 2 weeks I've remembered my previously forgotten traumatic childhood, reconnected with 5 of my 6 best friends, left my wife -- who as it turns out is a carbon-copy of my mother -- was stabbed in the face by a homicidal maniac, and then was stabbed through the chest by an evil, homophobic alien clown, which my friends subsequently bullied to death. My therapist is going to have a field day during my next appointment."
Richie laughed. "I'm already planning an entire act around this and I'm sure we'll all wind up in Bill's next book." He then froze. Wait, Eddie said homophobic alien clown. Shit, I didn't come out to him or tell him about my first encounter with Pennywise when we were kids and forget that I did, did I? Well then I guess now's as good a time as any to spill.
"So um, yeah, well not only did I remember you guys," he began, "but I also remembered this massive crush I had when we were teenagers. Massive enough that it never really went away, even after all this time. Massive enough to where I'm pretty sure that it was more than just a crush since I feel the same way now as I did 27 years ago."
Richie's heart started pounding. He glanced over at Eddie, who still hadn't let go of his hand and was watching him curiously. "Oh?" He began gently rubbing his thumb on the back of Richie's hand. "On whom?"
Richie felt like his hand was on fire. He swallowed. "It was on you," he whispered, looking at Eddie's bedsheets as if they were the most fascinating thing on the planet.
After a beat of silence, Eddie cleared his throat softly. "I-- I had a crush too. When we were kids, that is."
Richie braved a look at him. Eddie was smiling warmly.
"It was on you."
Richie swore he hadn't heard correctly. "What?"
Eddie chuckled briefly. "It's always been you. When we got back here and I saw you at the restaurant everything just clicked back into place for me."
Richie blinked. "You… had a crush… on me?"
Eddie shrugged as much as he could without pulling his stitches. "I'm surprised you didn't figure it out when we were teenagers, as obvious as I was about it."
"What the fuck? How were you obvious about it?"
"Well, let's see." Eddie ticked off on his fingers, "For one, me, the germaphobe, was always touching you, one of the main ones that were always rolling around in the dirt. Two, like I said, we constantly argued like an old married couple. Three, I'd purposely pick a fight with you about the time limit on the hammock because I knew you were a stubborn-ass and wouldn't give it up, so then I could squish myself in there and cuddle with you. And finally, you understood me better than anyone else and never made fun of me for my asthma or anything, how could I not fall in love with you?"
"Woah, woah, what the fuckity fuck, you were in love with me?" Richie felt like Christmas had come early.
Eddie smirked. "Well yeah, dumbass. Still am."
Richie did the only thing he could think of. He leaned up and kissed Eddie.
He was brought back to the present by Eddie gently rubbing his back. Richie had stayed with Eddie in the hospital until his release, then immediately brought him back to California with him while Eddie finished healing and began his divorce proceedings.
Eddie gave him a kiss on the neck. "See, babe, I'm fine. I'm here. I'll never leave you. I'll never leave you, I swear. I'm gonna be nagging your ass until we're a hundred."
Richie leaned back with a laugh. "Sorry, I'm being stupid."
Eddie shook his head. "Hey, no, you're not. That shit was traumatic for the both of us."
"I just don't know why I keep having that nightmare, why I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up everything will have been a dream… that you'll be gone."
Eddie was silent for a minute, then finally said, "I saw Stan."
Richie was confused. "What?"
"After the battle, or maybe during it-- I don't know. All I know is that one minute I was with you in the cavern and the next I was in this bright white room with Stan. Adult Stan, not Stan as we knew him, but… it was definitely him. He hadn't changed much at all. And it was the weirdest thing, but there was this turtle with him…" Eddie shook his head. "Anyway, Stan told me basically the same thing that was in all of our letters -- that he did what he did because he knew that if one of us could be there and wasn't then we'd fail. Then he told me that I had a choice - that I could go with him and I could be at peace, or I could go back & get a second chance at life, at happiness… and at love. 'He loves you too'. That's the last thing Stan said to me before I woke up. I think Stan knew what my choice would be."
Richie smirked. "And you chose me? Sucker."
Eddie punched him playfully on the arm. "I'll always choose you, Rich. In fact-- wait right here just a second."
Richie grabbed his glasses from his bedside table and watched as Eddie climbed off of the bed and went over to their closet, retrieving something from one of his shoes. He climbed back into bed.
"I knew when we were kids that I wanted you by my side forever. You have saved me, over and over, and in more ways than you could ever realize. I love you, Richie, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So..." He pulled out a small, black, velvet box, which he opened to reveal a ring. "Will you marry me?"
"Holy shit, dude, really? " Richie gasped. "Are you sure you want to get married again? To ME?"
Eddie laughed. "No, dumbass, I'm just asking you to officially spend the rest of your life with me for shits & giggles. Yes , really. Be my husband?"
"Fuck YES," Richie replied happily, tackling Eddie back onto the bed and showing him just how affirmative his answer was.
Later, Richie sent a photo of him & Eddie cuddled up together in bed with sex-mussed hair and shit-eating grins -- Richie's ring proudly on display -- to the Loser's group text. Which one of you fuckers want to be my best man?
Summary: By-the-book DEA agent Edward “Eddie” Kaspbrak receives an assignment that takes him to Derry, ME in order to capture Robert “Bob” Gray, aka “Pennywise”, a notorious drug lord. Working with the local PD, he is partnered with Detective Richie Tozier, a wise-cracking, messy cop who immediately pushes Eddie’s buttons. When they have to go undercover as a pair, will they put aside their differences long enough to work together, or will working together reveal that they have more in common than they initially thought?
Word Count: 1203 for chapter 3.
Warnings: Canon-typical violence (in later parts), swearing, mentions of drug use, other tags to be updated as necessary for each part
Author’s Note: Slow-burn, Dual-PoV Reddie AU inspired by this gifset by the lovely @toesure!
Tagging: @yourpersonalsleepparalysisdemon
CROSS-POSTED AT AO3
How the fuck is this guy a cop? Eddie thought as he stepped underneath the crime scene tape and entered the house. Richie Tozier was not like any police detective Eddie had ever encountered. He was tall and broad with dark, shaggy hair and crystal-clear blue eyes, and dressed like an overgrown frat boy who had just rolled out of bed and threw on the first clothes he found on his bedroom floor.
Eddie briefly closed his eyes. Just focus on the case. He examined the living room then the kitchen, both of which appeared to be in order. He pulled out a pair of blue latex gloves and quickly put them on. “Where was the body found?”
“Uhh, through here,” Detective Tozier replied, leading him down the hall. He waited in the doorway as Eddie stepped into the bedroom. “The victim lived alone – deputies responded to a noise complaint from the neighbor about loud music and when the resident didn’t answer the door it became a welfare check.”
Eddie stooped down to examine underneath the bed. “Was anyone else here the night of the incident?”
“No fingerprints other than the victim’s and the neighbors didn’t report seeing anyone else.”
“And nothing else was found?”
“Forensics did a sweep of the house but didn’t find anything of interest besides the pills."
Eddie had suspected as much but had still wanted to conduct his own examination of the scene. "And the others?”
“Nothing was found at any of the previous scenes. No drugs or drug paraphernalia, no unusual fingerprints, nothing. We presume this guy was a new, lower-level dealer and decided to ‘sample the merchandise’, as it were.”
“Hmm.” Eddie stood and removed his gloves, stuffing them back in his jacket pocket. “Okay, we’re done here. I’d like to see copies of the reports from the other scenes.”
“Ok, those are back at the station…” Detective Tozier gestured towards the front of the house. “Did you want to ride with me? We can drop your car off at the Townhouse first.”
Eddie automatically opened his mouth to say 'fuck no’ but then thought about the fact that he really didn’t want to risk an accident in a strange town by being distracted because he was tired. “Ok, that’s fine,” he replied.
Detective Tozier nodded. “Ok then.”
Eddie got into his car and headed back to the Townhouse with Detective Tozier following close behind. He grabbed his messenger bag and locked his car before heading over to Detective Tozier’s Mustang.
He had fully expected it to be littered with burger wrappers and drink cups, but the car was surprisingly neat and tidy, unlike its owner.
Eddie settled in and sent a text to Director Eastwood. Checked out the scene. No new information gleaned. Heading to Derry PD to look over reports from the other scenes.
A few seconds later a reply came through. Ok. Keep me posted. How’re the locals?
Eddie glanced over at Detective Tozier, who was humming quietly to himself and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of some 80’s song that was on the radio. I’ll tell you later.
He locked his phone back and looked up as Detective Tozier pulled into the Derry PD’s parking lot and parked in a reserved spot.
Derry’s police department was a small, rectangular brick building with “Derry PD” in raised black typography next to a single, glass front door. The business office hours and 24-hour non-emergency number were listed on the window beside it, along with “In case of emergency dial 911.”
Eddie thought it was…quaint.
He slung his messenger bag across his body and followed Detective Tozier into the building.
“Hey there, Patty,” Detective Tozier greeted the receptionist. “How’s it going?”
“Hiya, Richie,” the receptionist replied. “Been pretty slow today. Just the usual traffic tickets and whatnot.”
Detective Tozier nodded then gestured towards Eddie. “This is Agent Kaspbrak from the DEA. He’s going to be helping out with the Pennywise case. Agent Kaspbrak, this is Patricia Uris.”
“Nice to meet you, ma'am,” Eddie said.
“Same to you, Agent,” Patty replied.
“Agent Kaspbrak would like to see copies of the reports from the recent OD scenes,” Richie said.
“Ok, no problem.” Patty began typing on her keyboard. “I’ll print them out and bring them right to you. Conference room?”
“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Patty, you’re a peach.”
Detective Tozier led Eddie behind the desk and through another door to the back offices, stopping by an open door and knocking on the door frame. Eddie could see Captain William Denbrough printed on the silver doorplate. “Hey, Cap. Got a minute?”
The man behind the desk looked up from where he was reading what looked like reports. “Yeah, Rich, what’s up?”
“Just wanted to introduce you to Agent Kaspbrak, here.”
“Hi, Agent Edward Kaspbrak, DEA,” Eddie said, stepping forward and reaching to shake Captain Denbrough’s hand.
“Captain Bill Denbrough, nice to meet you,” Captain Denbrough replied. “Thanks for coming in to assist.”
“Mmm hmm,” Eddie replied.
“Agent Kaspbrak wants to take a look at the recent OD reports,” Richie explained.
Captain Denbrough nodded. “Be our guest. Hopefully you’ll be able to spot something that we haven’t been able to.”
“We’ll be in the conference room if anyone needs us.” Detective Tozier turned back towards Eddie and led him down a short hallway. “Would you like some coffee or a doughnut?”
Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “Coffee and doughnuts? Isn’t that kind of stereotypical?”
Detective Tozier shrugged. “Maybe, but Derry Doughnuts has the best cronuts in the world.”
Eddie shrugged. He hadn’t eaten breakfast and he could feel his blood sugar crashing as they spoke. “Okay then.”
He had recently allowed himself to start eating doughnuts after he had learned that the allergies he had believed to have all his life weren’t real.
Detective Tozier led him to a small break room where a box of doughnuts lay on a counter next to a Keurig. He grabbed a to-go cup and handed it to Eddie, then gestured to the well-stocked carousel of coffee pods. “Here, pick whatever you want.”
Eddie selected his pod, placing it in the Keurig and setting it to brew before carefully selecting a doughnut. He waited as Detective Tozier brewed his coffee, looking on in horror as the man added an ungodly amount of sugar to his cup. “Do you want diabetes?” he exclaimed in horror.
Detective Tozier laughed as he added a splash of cream. “I’ve always had a bit of a sweet tooth.”
“A bit?”
Detective Tozier grabbed a doughnut for himself and picked up his cup. “Come on, this way.”
Eddie followed Detective Tozier down to the conference room, setting his doughnut and coffee on the table and rummaging around in his messenger bag for a highlighter and pen.
A few moments later, Patty came in with two stacks of papers. “Here you go, gentlemen,” she said, handing Eddie and Detective Tozier each a stack. “Let me know if you need anything else, Agent Kaspbrak.”
“Thanks,” Eddie replied before she shut the door behind her.
“Shall we?” Detective Tozier asked, gesturing to the stacks of reports.
Eddie reached for the first report. “Let’s do this.”
