Saturday was Transgender Day of Remembrance and Resilience. OutNebraska held an event to remember the transgender and non-binary lives that have been lost due to violence and suicide
I stand here with you in mourning, for these lives lost to senseless violence and hate, but I also stand here with you to let you know about our forgotten community members, those we have lost in the fight by suicide. Suicide is a hard conversation to have in general - both in our community and outside of it.That being said, if the idea of suicide is triggering to you, you may want to step out for a bit.
We see the statistics in studies that let us know that an estimated 41 percent of transgender people have attempted suicide and that transgender people are 18 times more likely to kill themselves than the general population. Transgender Day of Remembrance is to remember those lost. And yet, it is a common practice at TDOR events for suicide victims to not be mentioned or remembered in the ceremonies! It seems that some have the idea that acknowledging these names may make our community seem mentally ill. An odd idea and an ignorant one, as the primary cause of mental illness among trans people is a lack of family and societal acceptance and understanding. And even if, at the end of the day, some members of our community suffer from mental illness, is their death not to be mourned?
Others say that TDOR doesn’t include those lost to suicide because this day is about focusing solely on hate crimes. This may seem like a heavy statement for me to make, but I believe that every trans suicide IS a hate crime. These people killed themselves yes, but I say with all the conviction in my heart, that I know who is responsible, and you know who is too.
But we rarely seem to put a face and name to the aforementioned statistics. So I’m here to be the first face and name for some of you. My name is Jack Lee Jordan, I’m 20 years old, I use he/him/his or they/them/theirs pronouns, and I’ve attempted suicide. I have tried to hang myself on my closet door with no success. At the time, I couldn’t deal with the online harassment and the bullying by my teachers and peers at school. I couldn’t deal with the depression and anxiety from the rejection of my family. I also had pretty regular sobbing and heaving crying fits from this same rejection as I was banned from my family member’s homes. I couldn’t deal with the isolation that I felt by feeling there was no one else like me. The thought that I was stuck in a disgusting body that I, at the time, couldn’t call my own nearly killed me. I had severe panic attacks just trying to use any restroom. It was all simply too much to take. So I tried to take my own life - but I failed and so I’m still here. Years later, my family members are more loving than ever, I have friends who understand my struggles. And though it’s extremely hard some days to keep my chin up, I wake up and I try.
But there are those who get tired of trying. Who can’t keep thrashing in the mud that is society’s ignorance, their parent’s misunderstanding, their school’s inaction. They get tired, take their lives into their own hands, and decide to end them. Now, though it is their own decision ultimately to end their lives, make no mistake, their deaths fall on society, and on us. There are too many different systems of oppression in place for us to solely blame those who were simply too tired to keep fighting.
As I compiled this list of names of those who committed suicide since last TDOR, 13 people out of 24 took their lives as a result of the harassment and bullying they faced at school and online. The other 9 of them could not deal with society’s ignorance surrounding their transgender identity, that same ignorance manifesting as job discrimination, lack of public accommodations, or a lack of housing. A good amount of those lost to suicide spoke of their parent’s abuse and lack of understanding surrounding their gender identity, that same abuse making home life unbearable with the knowledge their parents would never support them or their transition. 6 of the people on this list were buried in a suit or dress that they would never have worn, and buried under a name and pronoun that they never wanted. In fact, their funerals were nothing more than ceremonies celebrating lives that didn’t even exist. And the only people that accepted them for who they really were weren’t even allowed to attend.
20 of the 24 names I found were under the age of 24. They didn’t even get to experience what it truly is to live. I have yet to either. But I feel it is important to acknowledge their lives. Their lives were important and they mattered - even if they were on this earth for only 14 short years.
I hope to set an example for future TDOR events in holding these names in remembrance. This is an epidemic taking our youth, our elders, and our friends. I have many friends but by just using my 10 fingers to count 10 of them, 7 of them have been Baker Acted. All 10 of them know someone who committed suicide. And all 10 of them are 20 years old or younger. We, as a community, need to include mental health care in our conversations about our needs. And to our allies, you must make mental health spaces accessible to transgender individuals. As many of them begged of all of us in their final words, let their deaths mean something. Let something change. Make the world a better place.
For those of you who have struggled with suicidal thoughts, I’m glad you’re still here. For those of you who have attempted and changed your mind halfway through, I’m glad you’re still here. For those who attempted but didn’t succeed and are still finding something worth living for, I’m glad you’re still here and let’s talk for a bit. For those who struggle to keep trucking every day despite the systems of oppression placed on you, I’m glad you’re still here. And for those on this list and for those whose deaths were hidden, rest in power. Your spirit and energy are here with us, and we will honor your memory as we continue to fight for our right to exist unapologetically and fully as who we are.
"We petition the Obama administration to:
Light the White House in the transgender pride flag colors on November 20th, the Transgender Day of Remembrance."
As we recently discovered when the wingers freaked out over the White House being lit in the rainbow flag colors on June 26 to celebrate the SCOTUS marriage equality ruling, the White House is lit up for special occasions. It is lit in pink for breast cancer awareness and the fountains are dyed green for St Patrick's Day. A We The People petition has been created seeking to get the White House lit up in the pink, blue and white colors of the trans pride flag for the Transgender Day Of Remembrance on November 20...
The deadline of the petition, which you can sign here, is 5 August, the day after Pres. Obama's 54th birthday (and he has the grey helmet to show for it). Incidentally, there is a "transgriot" tumblr, which apparently has no connection with Monica Roberts herself.
