#teacup12

[stargazerinmoksha]

a story about you:

i miss you a lot more than the silence being shared between us. i know that closeness isn’t always defined by physical space, so we’ll always be close no matter the distance. it’s really been strange. do you ever miss me too? it’s really cold right now, but i’m still going to write this. it feels like winter is here a bit too soon, i know that december is a rough month for you. i have asked the stars to sing you back to bed, maybe a few of my thoughts woke you up from a nap, maybe words are all that we are and that’s okay too.

do you ever feel like it’s hard to trust people? i was thinking that i could trust myself enough to let my feelings run rampant, i don’t want any of this to be a clean edit. you’re more important than that. you deserve my honesty. i think some parts of my heart still feel hurt. i thought that i was smart enough, that my intuition is powerful, but in the end, i think we’re all too flawed to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong. who can really judge us when the lights are turned off? every scar looks like the next scar, every lie as bad as the next lie, every smile still feels real, every time that i’ve shared a laugh with you still feels like i actually knew you. i’m walking home and the stars are so pretty! i’m not so fond of the cold, but you are. i miss your voice very much and i know you’d pick up if i called. i’ve been detaching myself from a lot. i spend a lot of time alone, maybe it’s some strange form of punishment for not loving my wonderful company enough. a very valuable question to the sad souls out there, are we lonely people or do we feel alone? is it by choice or unconditionally bound to us as part of the human experience? i still have those monkey mittens that you bought for me. sometimes when i’m anxious i listen to your bloom cover. it’s still my favorite.

i think time does heal all wounds. my rose-tinted viewpoint of life won’t change that. you’re still beautiful to me. and my heart will always have room for you. in the body, in my mind, in this spirit, in my space— i can only pray that god takes care of you and your family. i’ve left my soul in the hands of the universe for quite some time now. my feelings tell me that i need to let you know that much. i still care about you.

i feel like you’re in a good place even though we haven’t spoken to one another in awhile. i just feel it. are you? if you’re not, i just wanted to let you know that it has to. somewhere under all of the pain, there’s something good happening. i have tried to look away from the sun, but she keeps pulling me back. under promises and whispers of warmth, i’ve seen the truth of what happens when you find true love. i found wings in the shape of fire and fire has no shape— formless and ever changing, i am a perfect reflection of all the things i would love to do better, they say that it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission— so i hope you can forgive me for taking so long to write this. there was a huge disconnect in my heart and for some odd reason, the longer my hair got, the less i gave a fuck. and that’s my fault.

this is a reminder to constantly cherish the warm parts of what makes us… us. i know that you love me because i love you too. no amount of trouble could ever take that away from us. i think at the end of the day, we all just want to be loved and feel loved. something genuine. something real. something sweet. it’s that simple. give me a star and i’ll give you a constellation back. give me the truth and i’ll tell you mine. love me like you mean it and i’ll always be there for you. you can have the shirt off my back and i won’t ask for a dime back because no matter where i go or who i become— my karma will answer back in full force because i have demanded the universe to be tough to my heart. i have hurt a lot of people and that has not gone unnoticed by the echoes of truth. i will get what i’m owed, what i deserve, what i am worthy of. no matter the price. cold hands, years of depression, a numbing sensation from disappointed relationships— a quarrel with madness slipping into chaos dressed pretty enough to kiss, but lonely enough to keep me silent down to the bone, to the wire. these aren’t just meaningless letters, this isn’t just a poem about how i missed you and could really use your presence. i think it’s good to let things out. to let things flow. my heart is as naked as it was when i was born. when i had my first cry, when i ate my first meal from deep inside my mother, when my dad tried to love my mom, when i was just in the universe as a tiny light too far for the naked eye to visually see, sometimes madness comes with brilliance— or was it the other way around? i’ve forgotten and could care less. my ramblings are just ramblings. i’m here for only a mere moment with all that i am. it really is cold tonight, but writing this has added some level of warmth in my mind and that will always be the first thing that you taught me as a writer. to start with myself and never look back. i love you so very much, i hope you never forget that. sometimes we just get busy; a reminder that you are loved is never bad. so i love you. i love you even if we don’t speak too often. i love you even if we’re not up to date with one another. i love you even when you’re unsure. i don’t have enough room in my heart to not love you. it’s just enough. just enough to love all that you are— mistakes, honesty, and lies. it’s in our coding, our nature to want to understand one another. you’re not the only fucked up person, my love. i am too. i could never judge you. i can only love you more.

[jsydbrantley]

Changing roast

She wrapped both hands around the mug and gently lifted it towards her face. She took a deep breath in; the steam gently fogged up her glasses. This one was fruity, high and fleeting

The volatile smell took her by surprise, So she followed with a sip. Chaos entered her mouth and swirled around her tongue. She closed her eyes, but it wasn't dark. She saw a vibrant rainbow of colors in harmony.

But the vision was fleeting, just as the taste had gone. A pleasant twist of acidity lingered behind. She longed for the balance found in that cup.

In that rainbow she was he and he was she, He could be free. He took another sip from the mug, but this time it was heavy, peu sûr, He didn't have to close his eyes.

The dark roast closed in around him and he said a bittersweet farewell as the last sip traveled, down the back of his throat, and transformed him back into her.

- Thanks for the inspiration @novaticgalaxy

Like the roast of a coffee bean, we are so varied. Not only in our roast, but in how we are ground, brewed, smelled, tasted, and linger. Even from the same roast, not one cup is exactly the same. 

I volunteered for a social justice camp Inclusive Communities for several years and held the hand of so many youth who were struggling through understanding their sexual identity and orientation. Many of them voicing their true feelings for the first time at camp. Having hidden their true selves their entire lives. 

I want to be clear about something, I’m a Christian, and I believe in two things. One. God created man and woman to be together. Two. God commanded us to love one another. 

I will never ever turn my back on someone for the struggle they go through. I will never tell them who or how to be. That’s their journey, not mine. That’s their decision not mine. My niece struggles with these issues and it’s hard for her to understand this... I love her. I don’t agree with the lifestyle she may choose, or what she may believe, but not agreeing isn’t the same thing as not supporting. I can believe that God made her a girl, but if she feels like a boy inside, I’m not going to tell her to ignore that. I’m not going to tell her she’s sick or broken or wrong. I’m not the judge. I’m the Aunt. Aunts love and support. So if she finds this, if she reads this. This is for her. Alex, Morgan, Marek (@mentalprince), whomever you dream to be today! I’m your believer and you don’t have to hide behind closed eyes.

[stargazerinmoksha]

fold my emotions into your back pocket and carry all of my love with you wherever you plan to go and if this life that’s short and temporary is all that we have— may your sky be cotton candy stained by sweets left from more rain, fire left by less pain, a troubled smile but you are still brave enough to bear with the pain of losing someone close. you always eat too much sweets before reading all of my words, i don’t mean to spoil you rotten, i just don’t know how else to love you. and maybe that’s where i’m at fault. all of my honey and sugar left on your lips, all of my poetry plans to forever read like this, a swoosh, a panting, a painting, a swirl, a spin, a dance, a moment, a dream— it’s all that i am. love, that’s it for me.

—so see me for me and nothing else

[stargazerinmoksha]

it’s another cold day, there’s chaos in the street, there’s nightmares scaring your nightmares, your favorite songs hitting different when you’re alone, your warm days still seem rather cold, your favorite letters hitting different when they’re not here. it’s another cold day, there’s loneliness on your bed, there’s a hunger in your belly even after you’ve eaten breakfast, coffee doesn’t do it, caffeine, you won’t feel it. it’s another cold day and you’re still here. living proof to keep going, the stars are out again, you’ve been shopping for dreams when god asked you about heaven, why are tears always warm? cold showers in the middle of winter, thoughts of you are distant, i keep asking the stars to fall, maybe shoot a few wishes my way, i keep asking my scars to fade faster, let me love anyway. slow dancing in the dark to some of my favorite songs, i don’t want to fuck up my life, just listen to some joji and cool off. it’s another cold day, but you still have to keep going. i don’t mind if you’re angry at me, i don’t mind if i’m angry at myself. these things just happen. do you ever wonder about what could’ve been? do you ever ask the sun for a little reprieve? do you ever ask the moon for a home? all of my songs hit different when i’m sad, my hands hit different when they shake, i wish for a lot of things, i pray for a lot of things too. thanks for always having my back on my bad nights, i wish you found a piece of yourself and found peace within yourself. i pray for those two things quite often, it’s okay to be sad, but we still have to keep going, i’m not afraid to let go, i’m afraid to not know— may all of your thoughts come from a clean and safe place, i’ve been sending all of my good vibes to you, may your heart be safe and sound today

—coffee with too much sugar

[stargazerinmoksha]

our reality constantly clashing with our expectations, like december rain turning into snow that i never got to see, like your winter blues i should’ve called and told you a few things. our days drifting along with the clouds all of my summertime wishes calmly sleeps next to my emptiness. did you sleep well the other day? have you made any progress with finding your wonderful smile to be all yours? things i’d love to say to you, words i can’t muster up, just another breeze carrying my dust away. do you still love where love counts? imagination of being awake, all of my dreams matter most when i’m asleep, but i’d love to be awake for all of this. all of my dreams are silently watching my behavior, i haven’t really been a good friend to you and that’s my fault. too stubborn to say i’m sorry, too arrogant to accept that i’m not gentle with you, too prideful to neglect myself, too realistic to see things through, not enough patience for the nights that we could not see one another, if forever was something i could fold into my back pocket, i would’ve sent all of my letters back to you, i know that i write pain well, but my window panes are busted and i’m tired, i miss you, but i need you to need you more. all of my memories slipping into comatose, where do lovers meet of lover’s lane is closed? i’ve burned too many bridges and sometimes sinking doesn’t fit well with my plans— have you been sleeping well? always know that i’m proud of you, i know we haven’t really been speaking, but i’ve always seen your genius and i know the others will see it too. for all of the normalcy that you may feel, i know better. you don’t function like them, you really don’t. i see it in your eyes, i hear it in your voice when you speak about things that you love and are passionate about. never let them hear your plans, never let them know your dreams— you will achieve a great deal of many things and no one can laugh at it if they don’t know. you are full of things that i’ve always believed in, and you will do amazing and beautiful things in this life. please sleep well and take care of yourself, may your stars guide you home

—hercules and cassiopeia

[stargazerinmoksha]

you have to be comfortable inside of your own skin. i know most days it’s going to be hard for you to accept that. these things were never meant to be easy for everyone. don’t compare yourself to the next person because you can and never will be them, they were right. you’re you. you will always be you first and last. no one else. and you. you are beautiful. all of your mistakes that make you more like who you shouldn’t be ever again. all of your rights that make you more like who you should always be. all of your actions will speak louder than your voice ever could. all of your whispering and shouting, do it with actions. if you pluck a flower, press it. if you don’t know where to start, go deeper. go into a dark place and realize that the light will always be the final destination because when you hit rock bottom— it’s true. the only way out is up. the only way out is to want out. do you want to reach that unlimited potential? do you need a reminder? it so, this is it.

you got this.

[stargazerinmoksha]

always on the tip of my tongue, a song that i once sung, sometimes i feel kissed like two suns colliding and the horizon is a secret that all lovers share, but the pain of separation is too much to bear. loving someone is always fun, but once it’s serious we melt our wings together and fly to the sun, candle wax lips with your burning hands, too much for my palms, just sing me a song— if love was one big ass sing along, the world would opt out of the trauma from not knowing a love as great as the one that we shared, but we’d share it anyway. inside of a poem, inside of a home, inside of a heart, inside of lost art, inside of a painting, inside of pain, inside of a thing that we lost to the sea, inside of a love that even we couldn’t see, to love all that i was, to lose where i’ve been seen, to crush everything on my way down, the weight of my sorrows shall not harm my tomorrows, and if i apologize and never got a chance to help you realize that my apologies only look good on paper, if i could tape my paper heart right on top of yours and call my poetry a heartbeat meant for two, would you say that you’d love me too? i have felt too much rain hit my paper soul, tearing at the seams, i don’t feel whole. i took some shrooms and i haven’t quite been the same since, my senses return to me, all of these things wonderful things that i could not see about myself, all of these books upon my empty shelves, i am a shell of my more toxic love, i am freedom, a pair of wings made to melt, i am icarus tortured by curiosity, i am medusa suffering from the vanity of my beauty inside of a kaleidoscope soul i have forsaken all tropes that lead me home— as i hit my bed and my body turns into sand, the hands of time catches me once more and i am left with all of my metaphors and run-on sentences inside of your hands, right next to the sun, inside of that horizon, inside of your anxious smile, inside of your awkward laughter, i got to know love and nothing thereafter

—using my highs to neglect seeing me at my lowest point has taught me that poetry would always save me from who i shall never be

[stargazerinmoksha]

This is teacup13, please read this before you ask me where she is. I love her and this is her current poetry blog. So yes, here it is. Send her lots of asks about poetry, yes? No? Okay!

https://teaspirationss.tumblr.com/