Chapter 2: Telling The Z-Team
Waterboy was already vibrating in place, pulling out his phone with the enthusiasm of a puppy who’d been asked if he wanted a walk. “I’ll text them! Everyone needs to know! This is a team event! A Z-Team baby!” His thumb hovered over Robert’s contact, but before he could press it, Coop’s hand shot out, plucking the phone from his grasp with reflexes too fast to track.
“Hold your water, Herm,” she said, her tone leaving no room for argument. She set the phone face down on the table with a decisive click. “We’re not announcing this over a text message with a poorly chosen emoji. Besides, I want to see the look on Robert’s face when he finds out he has to buy us a baby shower gift.”
“Let’s get the easy one out of the way first.” She snatched the phone back up, her fingers moving with deadly precision and began dialling Robert's phone "Robert Robertson the third... I have news" The phone rang for a few moments before Robert's weary voice came through the speaker "Yeah, what is it Coupé I'm in the middle of breakfast with Mandy" "It's not Coupé," Coop said, a smirk playing on her lips. "It's Coop. And I'm pregnant."
The line went silent. So silent that Waterboy nervously started to expel a small, steady trickle of water onto the floor before Coop shot him a look and he choked it off. They could hear a muffled crash on the other end, like a keyboard being knocked over, followed by a faint, distant curse from Robert.
“Run that by me one more time,” Robert said, his voice suddenly sharp and entirely awake. “Because I could have sworn you just said what I think you said, and I’ve had enough concussions to know I should be doubtful.”
“You heard me,” Coop said, her satisfaction practically dripping through the phone. “Congratulations, Robert. You’re going to be an… uncle, of sorts. Start saving your pennies.”
Another pause. Then, they heard a muffled shout. “Mandy! You’re not going to believe this!” The sound of the phone being fumbled with, then Mandy’s clearer, warmer voice came on the line.
“Coop? Is everything alright? Robert’s making a face like he just saw a ghost that owes him money.”
“Everything’s fine, Mandy,” Coop said, her tone softening just enough to be noticeable. “We’re just having a baby.”
There was a squeal so high-pitched on the other end that Punch Up had to pull the phone away from his ear for a second. “Oh my goodness! Coop, that’s… that’s wonderful! Are you serious? Oh, we have to come home! We’re packing right now! Be there as soon as we can! Do you need anything? Are you feeling okay? Are you eating right? Don’t let Colm eat all the food, you’re eating for two now!”
Mandy’s stream of questions was cut off by Robert’s voice in the background. “They’re grown adults, Mandy, I think they can handle prenatal care.” He came back on the line. “Congratulations, you two. For real. This is… wow. Okay. We’ll see you tomorrow. And Coop?”
“Yeah?”
“Try not to stab any obstetricians. It’s bad for SDN’s insurance premiums.” The line went dead.
Coop set the phone down, a triumphant glint in her eye. “two down. seven very, very loud ones to go.”
Punch Up, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, a grin plastered on his face, finally spoke. “So… I guess we’re really doing this.” He looked at Coop, his expression a mix of terror and pure, unadulterated joy. “We’re going to be parents.”
Coop’s smirk softened into a genuine smile. “Looks that way, short stack.” She reached out and took his hand. “We’re going to be parents.” "so, we should probably call Sonar next
Coop pulled up Sonar's contact, the picture a grainy, poorly lit selfie where he was mid-scream, fangs bared. She hit the dial button, putting it on speaker. The phone rang twice before being answered not by a person, but by a cacophony of what sounded like dial-up modems arguing with a pack of bats.
"Sonar," Punch Up said, leaning toward the phone. "We know you're there. Stop with the sound effects."
The shrieking cut off instantly, replaced by Sonar's smooth, perpetually condescending tones. "Colm. And... Janelle. To what do I owe the indignity? I'm in the middle of something incredibly lucrative and borderline legal. The 'Screech Coin' memorial relaunch, if you must know. Very exclusive."
"Very illegal, you mean," Coop cut in. "Shut up for a second, Victor. We have important news." Punch Up added
"More important than a decentralised currency designed to revolutionise the... market? I doubt that," Sonar scoffed, but on the other end of the line another voice could be heard "Is Mal there?" Punch up asked
There was a shuffling sound on the other end, then Malevola's much calmer, tones. "Hey? Colm? What's going on? Sonar's about to have an aneurysm over some blockchain nonsense."
"Hey, Mal," Punch Up said, relief evident in his voice. "Yeah, uh... we've got some news. Big news."
The line went quiet for a moment. "Is someone dead?" Malevola asked, her voice flat. "Because if so than I can assure you that they'll be taken good care of"
"No one's dead, but thanks anyway Mal. it's about Coop" He said, cutting through the pleasantries. "She's pregnant."
A beat of silence. Then, a slow whistle came from the phone. "Wow... You're for real? Coop, you're not just messing with us because of that time Sonar asked Coop for nudes?"
"It's for real, Mal" Punch up confirmed, a smirk in her tone.
In the background, they could hear Sonar's indignant squawk. "What?"
Malevola chuckled, a low, warm sound. "Congratulations, you two. That's... actually beautiful news. Genuinely. We'll be over later. I'll bring a... something. Sonar can bring... whatever it is he wants to bring. Probably rats."
"Hey! My rat tartare is a delicacy!" Sonar protested indignantly.
Malevola's laughter was the last thing they heard before she hung up.
Coop stared at the phone, a slow grin spreading across her face. "Well, Mal's bringing a gift. Which is more than I can say for some people."
"and now for Flambae" Punch up added Coop found Flambae’s contact with practiced ease. His profile picture was a blurry, overexposed shot of what appeared to be a dumpster fire, which she felt was entirely too on-the-nose. She pressed call, and the phone barely had time to ring once before it was answered.
“What?” Flambae’s voice crackled through the speaker, a familiar blend of irritation and impatience.
“Flambae” Coop said, her tone flat. “Put your ego on hold for five seconds.”
There was a grumbling noise on the other end. “Coop? Punch up? Did you butt-dial me again? I’m busy. Very important, classified… fire-related business.”
“We’re having a baby,” Punch Up cut in, unable to keep the wide grin out of his voice.
The line went so silent that for a second, Coop thought the call had dropped. "what? you'll have to speak up, Prisms here" "sup bitches" came another voice… Prism's "sup bitches" echoed slightly, as if from a tiled bathroom.
“They weren’t talking to you, Alice!" Flambae snapped back. “What was it you two were going to tell me? I was on a very important call that was just interrupted by some... life-altering news apparently."
"I said," Punch Up repeated, raising his voice slightly, "Coop's pregnant. We're having a baby."
"...what? Golem and Visi are here too, “speak up Flambae added, somehow more confused "is he fucking with us?" Punch up asked
"he is not," came a new, deeper, and gravelly voice on the line, there was a rustle of static, then Invisigal's familiar, acid-laced tone cut through. "Is this a fucking party line? I'm trying to watch a documentary on structural engineering failures. It's fascinating."
"Coop's pregnant, Courtney," Golem's deep voice rumbled, the words seeming to vibrate through the speaker itself.
The silence from Invisigal's end was profound. A few seconds ticked by, marked only by the faint sound of the documentary's narrator in the background. "You're shitting me," she finally said, her voice stripped of its usual sarcasm, replaced by something that sounded dangerously close to genuine shock.
"We're not," Punch Up confirmed.
"Huh," was all Invisigal said for a long moment. Then, a different kind of noise came through the line. Not the sound of a documentary, but a faint creak, like a chair being pushed back. "Well, that's... a thing. Good for you, I guess. Don't let it drool on my stuff when it visits. Or breathe on it." The line clicked off abruptly.
Coop let out a short, sharp laugh. "And there's Visi, with her usual bouquet of warm congratulations." Suddenly there was a call back, "I still didn't hear what you two had to fucking say, I could only hear Golem and Visi mumbling about something as Alice went on about her followers. What's the big news? Did you two finally adopt a cat you can neglect together?"
"Jesus Christ, Flambae, listen up!" Coop snapped, her patience finally fraying. "I'm pregnant!"
The line went dead. Not a click, not a rustle, just absolute, sudden silence. It lasted for five full seconds. Then, the phone buzzed. A text message from Flambae. It read simply:
"omfg... were coming over" followed by a string of incomprehensible emojis that looked like a firework factory exploding.
