if you ever date the trailblazer, don't be surprised if you have to handle them constantly paranoid and having an identity-crisis.
they always had a feeling something was off with them, aside from somehow housing a stellaron.. which is not a normal thing they are told. somewhat worried why they had no recollection before being found by the younger two express members- but comes to the conclusion that they were in a similar situation as march: simply having the memories locked up and possibly for a reason.
after meeting with kafka with assist her with blade after the luofu events, and learning through kafka's little question-game that they were in fact just a body created specifically to hold a stellaron, things click into place.. and not necessarily in all good ways.
they never had bruising, cuts, scrapes, blisters... because they were a synthetic body, so it wouldn't occur to have things that mortals with blood pumping through them and normal healing rates. any wound they get heals up within a few days, no lasting marks. the only one that somewhat does it when they get impaled via cocolia's lance- and even then, it's mostly faded and unless you're actively looking for the star shaped mark, you likely won't notice it.
it wasn't that they had memories locked up-- there was no memories to have to begin with. the earliest thing they can remember is briefly seeing a woman(they now know was kafka) telling them that "if they had to make a choice, make one you won't regret", and the next instance they're face to face with pink and black locks trying to give them cpr. those were their first memories, nothing before even existed.
after learning this, they're constantly second guessing everything they think, feel, or do. was this their own choice? was it their programming? were they following the script elios envisioned? were they under someone else's control? were they a sleeper agent of some kind? were they more of a danger to those they cared for than they thought?
they constantly fight with themselves over whether they're their own person, or just a program that's advanced- like sheila back on herta space station. an imitation of a life disguised as a human mortal, more advanced thanks to the stellaron's presence and influence.
