Tags: Gn!reader, fluff, reader has depression and/or chronic fatigue (i tried to keep it a little vague), Nanami being the only man ever
{Authors note: I accidently got really jjk pilled and it's going to ruin my reputation}
Your phone has been sitting, half abandoned and playing some tv show you could care less about, on the nightstand for half an hour now. The weight that had settled over you some time between dinner last night and when your husbands alarm went off this morning has become nearly unbearable to fight back against.
If Nanami had been able to tell something was off in the morning, he hadn't said anything about, as you both went about your routines. Work had been fine. Not even memorable. Yet by the time you'd gotten through your lunch break, you were exhausted.
You'd barely made it home to slump on top of the covers. God, what is wrong with you? You can't even make it through a whole work day? The door of the apartment swings open in the distance, and you can hear him in the entryway, putting away his work things. No doubt, yours are still strewn about where you had dropped them, too tired and uncaring to even deal with them properly.
You hear him padding down the hall, calling your name hesitantly. Your position on the bed gives it all away the moment Nanami steps into the room. He sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb you, "My love?"
You hum, reaching out to silence your phone.
"Is there anything I can do?" He brushes hair from your face, his touch just as soft as his voice in a way that makes you want to wail. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. You don't-
"Hey look at me," Kento tilts your head back in his direction, gentle but insistent, "is there anything I can do?"
"I don't know," Your voice is barely more than a whisper, betraying your inner turmoil over it all, "Nothing even happened."
His thumb brushes over your cheek, almost absently, "That's okay. We'll figure it out."
"What if I never get better? What if this is the rest of my life?"
His voice is calm, even in the face of your sudden panic, "You're allowed to struggle, my love. You're still learning what managing this looks like."
You reach for his hand before it can slide away, desperate for a life line, "What if I can't..."
"You will. And I'll be here to help you, every step of the way." Kento squeezes your hand and leans over to press a kiss to your temple before standing. He disappears, and after a moment you can hear water running in the other room.
With a monumental effort, you push yourself to sit up, leaning heavily against the headboard. When Kento reappears, he scoops you into his arms effortlessly, carrying you into the en suite.
In the bathroom, he helps you undress and climb into the bathtub with a tender reverence. The water is warm, and as you relax into it some of the heavy tension bleeds from your body.
You lean against the side of the tub as he washes your hair with a methodical kind of gentleness. A gentleness you could never dream of.
When tears begin to slip down your cheeks, Nanami notices immediately, his hands stilling, "What's wrong? Did I get soap in your eyes?"
"No. No," you sniff, rubbing the tears away hastily, pulling away from him, "You're just so nice to me... sometimes I don't know how to deal with it."
His hand moves to cup your jaw, turning your head back toward him, "Don't hide from me, my love."
Kento waits until your eyes meet his, his thumb racing the edge of your jaw with a kind of reverence, "You deserve all the kindness in the world. I'm so lucky that I'm the one who gets to give it to you."
Its like your mouth doesn't know how to form the right words to say back, but with him, there's no pressure to respond. You raise your hand to cover his, squeezing gently, and he smiles that rare, soft smile reserved for you and you alone.
Kento wipes away that last of your tears, pressing a kiss to your forehead, and goes back to rinsing shampoo out of your hair, like loving you is the easiest thing in the world.
Prompt: Literally nothing this fic is so self indulgent its not even funny
Trigger Warnings/Tags: Swearing, musical theater references, college AU
Summary: It's opening night of the show you've been helping to direct all semester. After one hell of a tech week, you're sure to be spending your day full of stress and anxiety. Lucky for you, Billy is there to lighten the load when you need him.
{I started cleaning my drafts and found this mostly written so uh- woah me interesting billy into my life last semester be upon ye}
9:18am
You trudged into the auditorium, tote bag slipping off of your shoulder for the thousandth time since you left the apartment. The space was completely empty, and still in the rough shape it had been in when you'd left the night before- wait no you hadn't made it out until 12:47. It was in the rough shape it had been in when you'd left that morning.
Glancing at your watch you sighed, moving to drop your stuff in your usual spot. 27 minutes until call time meant something like 15 until you could expect cast and crew to begin arriving. You squared your shoulders, hoping your co director would be there soon as you headed for the back to begin straightening up.
It wasn't until people began to trickle in that you made your way back to your things, quickly trying to take inventory and remember the schedule you had drafted in the shower that morning. It took you two times of search through your bag to realize you'd forgotten pages you'd printed late last night with ticket and etiquette info on them to post around the lobby, after finding out that they had never been taken care of.
When you dug your phone out of your pocket there was already a message waiting for you.
Billy <3:
*sent an image*
Did you leave this on purpose or do you still need them?
He had still been out on his morning run when you had left, his schedule pushed back -and nearly abandoned- when you had been so hesitant to pull yourself out of bed, paralyzed by anxiety. His schedule be damned, he'd held you close, whispering in his usual blunt way into your hair about how it would be alright, until you felt you could move again.
You sent him a quick message asking if he could bring them, before shoving your phone back into your pocket. The auditorium doors opened and your co director finally appeared, already rattling off new concerns about microphones.
10:02am
The run through was already off to a terrible start and you had barely made it to mic checks. Each minute that ticked by in the fight the sound system was putting up was another adjustment you made to your mental timeline. Absolute latest times for certain things to start by flashed through your mind as your co director called for various adjustments to be made, your suggestions falling to the wayside.
The fact that you were yet to make it through a full run of the show with no hiccups did not help ease the knot forming in your chest.
It was only the sound of one of the stage managers calling your name that pulled you from your thoughts.
"Yeah? What is it?" You turned frantically, already dreading whatever this new fire was.
"Someone's here for you." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder and you followed to find Stebbins lingering awkwardly at the back of the auditorium.
He offered you a quiet smile when you met his gaze, holding up the pages he carried in one hand and your usual coffee order in the other.
Your feet were carrying you to the back of the auditorium before your mind could full catch up, taking the to go cup he pressed into your hand, "God, you're a lifesaver, Billy."
He looked around the theater, as if trying to make sense of the ongoing chaos, "You need help with anything?"
"Uh, no-" You glanced around, before nodding for him to follow you out into the lobby, "I should put these up while I have a second."
"I can take care of it if there's something else you need to be-" Billy caught the half wild look you sent him, his eyes narrowing as they landed on your co director for half a moment before he fully turned to follow you out.
Out in the lobby, you busied yourself with the roll of tape that had been left out on one of the tables over night, avoiding his gaze.
"She's still not listening?" His voice was soft, as if her were hesitant to push too hard while the situation was still unfolding.
You sighed, ripping off another piece of tape, "Not in a way that matters. I wish she'd delegate tasks more or- or maybe if I'd joined and started helping out sooner-"
"Hey," Billy caught your wrist when you reached for the papers he had deposited on the table, gently commanding your attention, "She should consider herself lucky for how much you've already done for this show. You coming on late shouldn't mean that you get treated with less respect."
Letting out another sigh, you let your head tip forward against his shoulder, "I'm just tired of having to fight her on things that should be common place."
He let go of your wrist to put a hand on your back, steadying you, "It'll work out."
"Well if it doesn't we won't have a show tonight." You let out a tired laugh. He let out a huff you recognized as amusement, and you silently counted to ten before pulling away, reaching for the papers again, "I've got to get back to work. Thank you for bringing these."
"Of course," Billy half followed you as you pulled away, pressing a quick kiss to your temple, "Your lunch break is at 1 right?"
You glanced down at your watch, "If everything goes according to plan."
"I'll see you then." He offered you another half smile, and then let you disappear back into the auditorium.
10:49
You:
I'm going to lose my mind
Billy<3:
What happened?
You:
Nothing nothing has happened
Thats the whole problem
I'm going to start strangling people soon
Billy <3:
I'll get the body bags.
Do you want me to stop by the deli for lunch?
*You read a message*
Billy <3:
I'll take that as a yes.
1:13pm
By the time you stepped out of the auditorium, fists clenching and unclenching at your sides, Billy was waiting, a deli bag in hand. "How's it going?"
You shook your head, walking past him to lead the way through the lobby doors and out into the courtyard. His footsteps were steady behind you, "That bad?"
"My fucking tremors are back and we had to fight for lunch break." That was all you needed to say for him to understand, following you over to a bench and sitting beside you.
Billy made quick work of offering you the bag of food, packed with your usual deli orders, "Eating won't fix everything, but it'll help."
The two of you sat in comfortable silence as you ate. Watching the last few stragglers leaving the building to make their way towards the dining hall.
It took you until your sandwich was gone to finally raise your voice to speak again, "We only made it through act one. I didn't get to give notes. The mics are giving us problems, because of course they are, and I can't even bring up that we wouldn't have had those problems if we had just integrated tech sooner."
Billy nodded, listening intently as you continued to speak, pouring out all of your frustrations and all of the sticking points you'd encountered that morning alone.
"Is there anything you need from me? Anything I can help with at all?" He asked, once your ranting had come to a stop.
"At this point the only thing I can even do I just hope she listens to me when I need to take over for pre-show," You sighed, dragging a tired hand over your face, before scooting to lean against him, "Thank you though. You're already doing so much."
The half amused half disbelieving scoff he let out wasn't unfamiliar, "All I'm doing is being here."
"I know."
Eventually, you needed to go back inside, electing to end your lunch break before cast and crew was officially due to return so that you could finish cleaning up a few things, and help a few actors with running some of their solos. Billy walked with you back into the building.
"Call me if you need help with anything, okay?"
"We'll be alright," You squeezed his hand gently, as if that were enough to prove your anxiety didn't still have you in it's clutches, "Thank you for lunch. I'll see you after the show."
3:59pm
You had been successfully hiding in the bathroom for a full five minutes before you had steadied yourself enough to emerge again. Your sound tech had never returned from his lunch break. Your co director was attempting to cover for him, both literally by taking his place in the booth, and in making excuses for him. Everything was going to hell in a handbasket.
Between yourself, the stage managers and your co director, you had cobbled together a new plan for the show, before you had left the auditorium, desperate for a moment to yourself.
"Hey, are you alright?"
You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of Stebbins voice, "Jesus christ! Billy! What the hell are you doing here you scared the shit out of me!"
He was standing awkwardly in the lobby, "Um. Mcvries was cutting through here on the way to meet the rest of us for food before the show- he saw you storm out."
You frowned, "I did not storm-"
"He saw you leave and saw that you looked upset," He amended quickly, his hands raising in a gesture that looked like a cross between offering surrender and reaching out as if to settle a horse, "What's going on?"
You drew in a shaky breath, still trying to fight down the rising pressure in your chest, "Well. Everything is wrong. At this point, if doors open on time it'll be a goddamn miracle. We've got 30 minutes, no sound tech, and she's actively running the climax to the finale because half of the cast said they felt unprepared. We need to be in pre-show within like ten minutes if we want to get through everything, twenty at the most but then we'll have to skip straight to pass the pulse."
As you spoke, Billy moved forward carefully, gathering you into his arms with a tenderness that made the knot in your chest loosen, just a little. He listened to you speak, running a hand up and down your back, waiting until you were finished to say, "Do you want another perspective or would that be unhelpful?"
"No- please talk to me." You had tucked your face against his chest, suddenly unconcerned with the fact that you were still standing in the middle of the lobby.
"Okay. I'm assuming you have a plan to deal with the sound tech issue?"
"Uh huh." You sniffed.
"And you've clearly already worked out a timeline for how to best make it to doors and get as much done as possible."
"Yeah."
"So at this point, all you can do is stick to that timeline and hope for the best. You know what you're doing. In an hour, it's going to be out of your control either way."
You forced a deep breath in and out of your lungs, "You're right. Why are you always right?"
"Cause that's my job." You could hear the smirk in his voice.
"What time is it?"
You felt his hand leave you back long enough to check his watch, "4:04."
With another deep, forceful breath, you pressed yourself further against him, letting him squeeze you for a long moment before you pulled away. You straightened, quickly pulling yourself back together, "Okay."
Billy nodded, "Okay. It'll be alright."
You forced yourself to nod back, grasping at false confidence, "It'll be alright."
4:31pm
When you pushed open the auditorium doors, with a stack of programs in your hands and a too bright smile plastered on your face, you were greeted with a surprisingly large crowd. Not enough to fill the auditorium by any means, but certainly more than you had been expecting.
People began filtering through the doors and into the audience, taking programs as they went. After a few minutes, McVries and the rest of your and Billy's friends appeared in a rowdy cluster, pausing outside your door, to give you well wishes for the show.
You swallowed back the sudden lump in your throat at seeing them all there, "Thank you guys for coming."
Ray grinned, "Of course! Why wouldn't we?"
They began to shuffle through into the auditorium, taking programs with final wishes of good luck. Barkovitch, despite his whining, even offered you a smile. Harkness hung near the back of the group with Billy, his notebook open in his hands, "Hey, do you think you could give me a quote about all this-"
"I don't think now's the time, Harkness," Billy said, after a glance at your semi panicked face, "Maybe after, yeah?"
The new bubble of anxiety of anxiety that had formed in your chest dissipated as you nodded, re adjusting your grip on your remaining programs, "Yeah."
Harkness nodded, and then after another glanced between you two, bounded off into the auditorium after the rest of the guys.
Billy reached for your hand, squeezing gently, "Everything work out then?"
"The show is certainly still on, one way or another," You sighed, "I just can't believe we made it to doors on time."
"The point is that you made it. The doors are open, there's people in the seats. It's all happening."
You glanced back into the almost full auditorium admitting, "It is a lot more people than I expected."
"You've done everything you can do. Now it's time to let this thing go and be the best it can." Billy squeezed your hand again before he dropped it, looking down at his watch.
You followed his lead, shuddering, "Yeah, I should go, we're almost at places. If you'll excuse me, I have to go sit backstage paralyzed with fear."
"Hang on," Billy looked around to ensure the lobby was empty before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, "Break a leg."
5:02pm
You:
Did my preshow announcement go okay
I felt so awkward
I didn't realize i was doing it til i got backstage
6:18pm
Billy <3:
Everything looks great so far.
I think your announcements sounded good. Not rushed or anything.
Harkness is writing notes about everyone's passion.
He says to tell you his angle is about the fun everyone is having on stage.
You:
Good to hear
Mics are kicking our ass
Is everyone audible even without?
Billy <3:
Some people are louder than others.
Nothing completely inaudible yet, but we are fairly near the front.
*You read a message*
Billy <3:
I'm sure act two will be even better.
7:49pm
By the time bows had been finished, and thank yous from the cast had been said, you were exhausted. The lobby, predictably, was full of family and friends congratulating various members of the cast and crew, but none of them mattered.
Your eyes cut straight through the crowd to where Billy stood with the rest of the guys, laughing at something Hank was saying, a small but thoughtful bouquet of wildflowers in his hand.
It took longer than anticipated to make it to them through the crowd, with various people stopping to congratulate you, but soon enough you had made it close enough for Billy to spot you, his eyes lighting up as he moved to meet you in the middle.
"That was incredible," He swept you up into his arms, uncaring of the crowd around you, or his friends behind him, "You had nothing to be worried about."
When he let you go again, Pete was clapping you on the shoulder, "You definitely undersold, man."
Gently, Billy pressed the bouquet into your hands, "Here."
"Now that's from all of us, or at least a little from me," Art grinned, "I had to smuggle 'em in so you wouldn't see before it was time."
"Well thank you. And thank you all for coming. Seriously, it means a lot." You let yourself lean into the arm that Billy had wrapped around your shoulder.
"Wouldn't have missed it." Collie said.
"Not that Harkness would've let us." Barkovitch grumbled.
Ray elbowed him, quickly covering, "It was a lot of fun to watch."
Billy squeezed your shoulder, looking down to catch your eye with a smile. You smiled back, breathing freely for what felt like the first time all day.
Dream date idea: I sit you down and we go through my entire blog and I tell you every single thought that went through my head when posting/rebloging something
All of these are from the next chapter of Who'd Want To Be Human Anyway? (it's coming I swear, I think I finally fell victim to ao3 authors curse but it's okay cause I'm free from that nightmare now)
Rules: You will be given a word, then you share an excerpt from you WIP that starts with each letter of that word.
My word is Horse
~
Harkness must have made it through the night somehow, because he can hear a pencil scribbling against paper somewhere behind him.
He almost laughs again, something manic and desperate and the Major just keeps on standing there in the back of the jeep, watching all of them walk and die and walk some more.
“You getting all this, Harkness?” His voice is shaky and near thin, and it takes him a moment to recognize it as his own, “You see how he doesn’t even flinch? They say it’s that he’s too unshakable, or that he’s got hearing loss but you want to know the truth?”
~
Once or twice Curley even listens, something that throws both Billy and Garraty whose mouth was already half open to ask Curley’s age, for a loop.
He tries not to think about whether or not Curley will make it any farther for it, as his warnings quickly begin to ring out, twenty minutes later.
~
R - (To learn the) Rhythms, and even out his gait, and build the muscle that would carry him far. He knew his Mama didn’t approve but there was nothing she could do about it. Not that there was anything she would do, anyway. They had all but stopped talking about the subject. Billy’s growth spurt, his hours spent away from the house, his constantly worn out shoes, went unspoken. Elephants gathering at the edge of every room he and his mama inhabited together.
~
Staying there on the pavement should be easy enough, in theory. He can’t bring himself to walk, not anymore. But seeing the other boys around him, hearing Garraty ask him his name, catching the concerned glances McVries sends his way, it tugs at something in Billy’s chest. Puts pressure on the bruise in an almost unbearable way.
~
Embarrassment burns nearly as brightly as his shame.
(and because I couldn't choose take a bonus segment)
Even the sight of the Major’s face is beginning to sicken him. How could anyone remain so callous and unfeeling? How had he ever been the model of a man that Billy looked up to? He can barely even remember the pride he used to carry; the awe of seeing the man in the flesh.
~~~
I have literally no idea who of my mutals is working on stuff rn so... if you're seeing this, and you have a WIP feel free to jump on the bandwagon with the word: Night
