#teelagrams

[intothespiderbottom]

hey what do you mean by henry cavill fucks like a nerd. i mean i see it but explain.

I mean you look at him, and he looks like the typical sex god. But if you read any articles about the man and his interests, he comes off as a giant nerd. So I bet he fucks like one. Like you ask him to choke you, but instead he’d rather eat you out badly for two hours and then he makes you really dry macaroni and cheese post sex.

[intothespiderbottom]

herny cavlli needs to only be in like historical or fantasy things that arent modern because i literally cant take him seriously as superman.

oh good it’s trash talk herny cavlli hour

he put the sperm in superman

[intothespiderbottom]

i’d love to hear your take on the destiel news

OH MY GOD.

It’s like... I’ve been walking for 20 kilometres on a forest path for five hours without any proper footwear on and why? Why Am I Doing This? Because I know there is a little cabin by a waterfall waiting for me with a stocked fridge and working electricity and I know this because a talking moose had whispered this to me when I was high off wild mushrooms I’d picked off the ground. Plus I’m dehydrated because I forgot to pack not only food but also enough water for the endless trek I never meant to go on. I had stumbled onto this road by accident, if I remember correctly. But it’s not all bad, I saw some beautiful green things and awe inspiring cloud formations in the sky. Even a rainbow or two. I found good rocks for my collection, I even sat on some nice large ones when I needed to catch my breath. I took a break but I knew I had to get to the cabin by the waterfall if I was ever going to survive this quest. I just had to get there! Even though by the 15th km I wanted to perish, I wanted to burn down the forest, wanted nothing but an uber to come out to me in the middle of nowhere and fly me home- and yet I still walked? I must have cried but who could tell because there was no moisture left in my body. Finally, I get to the cabin. The moose hadn’t lied. There was indeed a waterfall, although it was smaller than originally promised. And when I finally open the fridge with my excuse of a fumbling hand, and the warm light inside washes my halfdead face... what do I find? Nothing but a loaf of stale-

[intothespiderbottom]

IM SICK SO I DEF NEED A HUG FROM TRUMP

COME TO ME DONNY BOY

LET ME JUST..... COUGH ON YOUR EYEBALLS A LIL BIT I SWEAR I’M OK.

[intothespiderbottom]

Omg just this week I literally told two people (in two different settings) about the toilet moth 😂 I am never not thinking about toilet moth

LONG LIVE THE TOILET MOTH

[intothespiderbottom]

FRIENDS DON’T EAT FRIENDS

as a bisexual everyone is GAME 

[intothespiderbottom]

i just realized ur the first non celeb person that i followed on her

maybe this is a foreshadowing

[intothespiderbottom]

beetlejuice

Have you ever heard of a fella in pin stripes and grease? He’ll shake your hand  to make you feel at ease. But don’t fall for his grin filled with black and yellowed teeth. It only got that way from eating bugs, and some say, human grief.