Dear Tegan,
Welcome to adulthood! Remember, getting older in no way means gaining maturity or being boring though, as best displayed by some of my favourite British men who have stupid faces:
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
Exhibit D:
Exhibit E:
Exhibit F:
Exhibit G:
And now some advice on what not to do. Gus, don't be:
ridiculous
a silly goose
a crazy hooligan
a gooey chocolate chip cookie
a rabid porcupine
a giant snapping turtle
a paranoid schizophrenic
a Traveling Wilbury
an incorrigible Eskimo Pie with a caramel ribbon
an old sponge with hair hanging off of it
a myopic chihuahua
exactly half of an eleven-pound black forest ham
William Zabka from Back To School
this crevice in my arm
the last of the famous international playboys
principal and interest
the ribs that flip over Fred Flintstone’s car
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan
the American adaptation of the British Gus
the third Thompson Twin with the dreads
the new Meshach Taylor
the “iiiiit” in “wait for iiiit”
Leon from the “Like a Prayer” video
Topher Grace running on the beach at the end of In Good Company
the ten tigers of Canton
Jules, don’t be Canada
George Hamilton’s reaction when Ashley came to him and said “Dad, I think I’ll become an actor, too”
the second drummer from 38 special
the one game at Chuck E. Cheese that isn’t broken
Fine Young Cannibal’s cover of Suspicious Minds
both Ashlee Simpson albums
the only black lead on a major cable network
your jury summons that I accidentally threw away last month along with something called a w-2
the scream from holding back the years
the way Eric Le Salle spells Eric
the mystery mouske-tool
Pete Rose’s haircut
Lao Shang
(YES THAT WAS EVERY SINGLE ONE)