#tenebra versa

[aeridanus]

It's an overcast day and I'm going to have the beach to myself, you thought... and then, this fucker trudges along. There's this ghost story of them coming out when it's overcast, and since it's almost never truly overcast, well, who would've thought. They won't eat or harm you, they will mind their business until they disappear behind some lava rocks. Maybe they're there all the time, disguised as rocks, but maybe not? Maybe they live in undiscovered caves beneath the barrancos, where there's always a little stream of water running towards the shore. Who knows?

[aeridanus]

The sketch page which also had the raw version of the first "sand slinker" image. I'm not sure whether I like smooth and shiny or smooth and matte skin better. Maybe there's both?

Those sketches came after a series of doodles revolving around Goal, and I started to think about the reasons behind his looks and which came first. Some drawing and worldbuilding groove, yay! :)

[aeridanus]

Some sketches from late November before things went awry - I realized I hardly draw the environments of my Tenebra Versa headworld and had fun with it, and then the streak broke again ^^'

But - everything worked out with my new employer and while it's a little early for a safe prognosis, it could all be the blessing in disguise I needed. Despite being in onboarding phase, I'm at my calmest since a long time, and the Art Director is so much on the same wavelength it's like coming home.

Let's see how everything evolves, but it feels good :)

[aeridanus]

Added some color to another sketchbook page of the beach slinker. It's fun to stay loose and not getting lost in detail :)

In general, I feel that I took a certain amount of stress-disordery-affliction from my old workplace. It slowly starts to surface, but it's not surprising and I know how to deal with it. Thanks, game industry, I guess? ^^'

I didn't do any sports the entire year because of the stress (which should have been a wake-up call sooner), so all my gainz are gone and I packed on several pounds of nice stress-eater fat instead. Nothing insurmountable, but it's going to take consistent work until next year to get some basic fitness back. We'd like to return to Fuerteventura late January or early February, so that's going to be my goal date.

On the contrary, I had some first onboarding calls with my new employer and the contrast is difficult to put into words. I feel respected and wanted in my position, no sexist bullshit to deal with, and the key people I talked to were a joy to listen to. Please please please, end of bullshit phase :´-)

[aeridanus]

This is a collage of sketches from yesterday’s train ride and shows the progress from loose doodles towards the Oilmouth creature. The second image is a close-up of the collage’s right part in order to show how the thick, fleshy flaps of his face look open and closed :)

[aeridanus]

Had some more chill time with leisurely coloring sketchbook pages. It's Goal and some derived ideas, I'm thinking about expanding his "lore" with some more darker shit that went down during the Lodger War phase of the Tenebra Versa headworld part.

[aeridanus]

A redesign of another character from 2002. It was a feline phantasm for the longest time, and its design never really clicked for me. I'm not sure if this new look is final, but it's much better.

Ushu/Rhattash is a phantasm called upon by the Initus Sulhu after Thathes messed up Cryo's calling. Ushu's design is basic and functional - its sole task is to find Cryo and get rid of him if necessary. The skin flaps on the tail open to reveal a silky row of sensory organs, but apart from that, it's long-distance running and sharp teeth that do the deed. The red color is a personal preference of Sulhu and tells of his affiliation with the Red River, a movement between Initii who oppose the ancient decision to include corioalars in the ecosystem. Thathes thought similar, but was initially revolted by the Red River's cultist tendencies - maybe not anymore, as Sulhu is giving him a feeling of solidarity he missed for long years of his life.

[aeridanus]

The pensive phase continues and I feel it's starting some overdue updates to my approach to more or less every aspect of my life.

I went through an image folder which contains everything I drew between 2008 and 2016, and hoo boy was I productive back then. It was a much harder time overall with heaps of overtime and negative people, but I still managed to create a lot of space for myself. Why is this different now? I have roughly the same amount of personal time, but it leads to much less. Taking a photo of a sketch and pulling it into Photoshop, even coloring it, feels like taking on the world (ordeal pictured above). What happened?

My drumming teacher became one of the most important and helpful people in my life when it comes to questions like these. I only start to realize how right he is when he says: Mind and spirit create reality. Something happened, in me and in my environment, which led to changes, and very apparently, I let them happen. I'm not at fault for everything, but I'm responsible for the way I perceive things, and how I act upon them.

Making and drawing things is something so integral to myself that something rather severe must have happened to lose such a big part of its spirit. It is a peculiar sense of exhaustion that didn't exist back then, despite having a soul-sucking demon spawn as a superior who made me question my value as a human being.

So, what is it? Is it perfectionism? Overthinking? Jadedness? Ageing? One part of the answer is maybe mental overload. I realized that my ability to focus is going to shit, and I'm not even active on any dopamine-rush social media sites. There's a reason why Fuerteventura feels like it's cleaning my senses, and why I feel deeply inspired to draw and do stuff while I'm there. I focus on the things I want to focus on. No Teams strobe light party, no interruptions, no thousand-tasks-juggling, no stupid politics, no ego arseholes I am forced to react professionally to. Mind and spirit create reality, and if my mind is full of ego arseholes and blinking bars, I'm going to have a bad time.

Taking care of such fundamentals may not only improve my personal life, but will also help with the quality of my professional work. Would be a win-win, to use the stupid corporate buzzword.

tl;dr - Aeridanus discovers that capitalism life = shit fuck