Essential Avengers: Avengers #289: Cube Root!
March, 1988
HEAVY METAL HORDE!
So the one rogue Super-Adaptoid problem has kinda snowballed into a whole thing, huh?
I’m brave enough to blame Dr Druid for this.
Because we’ve got the Super-Adaptoid (in default form), Machine Man, TESS-One, a Kree Sentry, and the Awesome Android running amok. Dammit, Dr Druid!
Last times in this comic: During the Avengers Under Siege arc, the Fixer inadvertently released the Super-Adaptoid who identity thefted him and shoved him in a tube. The Adaptoid later broke out of jail and tried to recruit the Awesome Android. While the Avengers stopped him, he slipped away and used Mentallo to lure the Avengers into a trap so he could recruit Machine Man and the Kree Sentry. Due to Dr Druid’s bad decision making, him and Black Knight got ambushed by the three robots calling themselves Heavy Metal. The robot team then used the Avengers Quinjet to get past Hydrobase’s security.
And now they’re here.
DAMMIT DR DRUID!
Also, writer Roger Stern was replaced by Ralph Macchio mid-story when Stern pushed back against Mark Gruenwald’s plan to make Monica look like an incompetent dope so that Captain America could take over the team.
I’m going to keep that in mind in case people start saying stuff like ‘this would never have happened if Captain America were here!’
Anyway, Heavy Metal immediately starts wrecking shit. Which is a shame. I’m pretty sure all the shit they’re wrecking had just been built.
Dick move, robots.
Namor, Marrina, and She-Hulk are on Hydrobase when the attack starts so they hear the alarms and realize that the returning Quinjet (that they apparently didn’t try to contact to confirm) was not Dr Druid and Black Knight.
She-Hulk snarks as she’s running off to go punch robots that she’ll have to talk to Captain Marvel to make the landing clearances more complex.
Namor tries to tell Marrina that she should stay behind so she doesn’t get hurt but she tells him to stick it up his butt.
Marrina: “My husband -- no! Hydrobase is my home now. And although I am not a full Avenger... when my home is threatened -- I fight!”
So Namor stops objecting and privately marvels at what a valorous woman she is and how proud he is to be her spouse.
Aw, that’s nice.
(Ignores cursed future knowledge)
She-Hulk finds the nearest robot aggressor and immediately punches it in the ass.
Alas.
The ass WHAKT! was not sufficient and its return punch launches She-Hulk through a building and jams her in some debris.
She can’t free herself before the Sentry arrives to follow-through. It plucks her from the rubble and swings her at a building until she’s knocked unconscious.
Huh. What ARE all these buildings though?
This location doesn’t look very Hydrobasey. Maybe that’s down to the change in creative team.
Anyway.
While Machine Man, the Kree Sentry, and TESS-One break stuff outside, the Super-Adaptoid slips into the Avengers Storage Warehouse.
The Adaptoid finds the deactivated Awesome Android and reprograms it to break shit.
AND THE AWESOME ANDROID JUST MARCHES THROUGH THE WALL
There was a door, guy!
But even this is just another distraction for the Avengers and the Fixtallo-Adaptoid goes off to achieve his final goal.
Meanwhile, Namor tackles TESS-One into a wall.
Unfortunately, TESS-One, despite being designed during World War II, has adamantium coating, making it hard for Namor to damage. Since all he knows is blunt force.
God. Adamantium really is too plentiful.
Marrina maybe didn’t get the message because she picks up a big rock and throws it at TESS-One. Resulting only in becoming the primary target for the robot to shoot its force beams at.
Namor jumps back on TESS-One and starts examining its head for a shutoff switch.
TESS-One just grabs Namor and hurls him through a building. And mid-throw, Namor spots that the Awesome Android is also wrecking shit up and makes the decision to switch focus to the Awesome Android and asks Marrina to deal with TESS-One.
Of course, given her track record so far, are you surprised that she instantly gets knocked out when TESS-One zaps her.
Dammit, Marrina.
I beg you. Have one (1) competence. You have extensive experience with Alpha Flight!
Elsewhere, Machine Man is flying above the oddly city looking Hydrobase and having a Concern.
It turns out that Machine Man is actually a Good Guy. Although he pretended to buy into the Super-Adaptoid’s claim he could bring back Jocasta, Machine Man was really playing along to find out what the Adaptoid’s real plan was.
(He also wanted to see if the Adaptoid could bring Jocasta back)
Except the Super-Adaptoid is playing things so close to his chest that Machine Man has learned nothing but has helped beat up some Avengers and invade their headquarters.
And since the construction crews were still working on the island (and are seen running in panic from all the fighting) Machine Man decides that the risk to human life is now too much for him to keep playing along.
He’s going to flip sides!
Also on the island is Dr. Walt Newell, the good guy Stingray!
He’s the one who owns Hydrobase and he’s leasing it to the Avengers.
So he’s not super thrilled to see it get smashed up by a bunch of robots.
He puts on his Stingray battlesuit and flies off to attack the first robot he sees!
WHICH IS MACHINE MAN
BECAUSE OF COURSE STINGRAY WASN’T AROUND TO HEAR MACHINE MAN MONOLOGUING ABOUT HOW HE WAS SWITCHING SIDES!
Machine Man insists that he’s on Stingray’s side and that they should work together.
Stingray is amenable... if Machine Man answers some questions.
Inside the Avengers’ communications complex, the Fixermentallo-Adaptoid has finished bypassing the security on the Avengers’ computers so he can access their files on the Cosmic Cube.
Thankfully, the Avengers have several adjacent monitors so a bunch of information can be displayed on several screens. Tabs are for underachievers.
Wait, the Aquarian?
-google-
Apparently Steve Gerber created him as a pastiche on Superman, which in this case means DC almost sued Marvel because in this case the line between pastiche and plagiarism was razor-thin.
But I digress.
The Super-Adaptoid has learned from the Avengers’ files that the Cosmic Cube is not even on Earth. And that’s what the Adaptoid is after.
But he’s got a backup plan and sends out a hyperspace transmission.
Captain Marvel returns from finding Dr Druid and Black Knight and getting them to the hospital. Because this is the Monica Rambeau incompetence arc, the Adaptoid psychic blasts her unconscious without even turning away from the transmitter.
Not only that but since he got her right when she was shifting to her light form, she also starts discorporating.
Why do you hate Monica so much, Gruenwald?
Meanwhile, outside, She-Hulk has regained consciousness and starts fighting the Kree Sentry. Also, Namor comes to save Marrina from TESS-One by punching it in the head a bunch but the Awesome Android grabs him and starts twisting the prince of Abslantis into a pretzel.
BUT:
Marrina has one (1) competence!
She rams the Awesome Android with a bulldozer, causing the robot to lose hold of Namor.
Sure, the Awesome Android then smacks the bulldozer into the ocean but hey, she’s fine in water.
Namor confirms that Marrina is fine and then smashes into the ground to smash out of the ground under the Awesome Android so he can dunk him into the ocean.
Its a tactic he uses a lot as a villain. He is strongest in water after all and other people generally need to breath. You’re headquartered on an island and you didn’t think of it sooner?
Okay, okay, okay. Its easy to criticize. It’s good that you thought of it now.
Elsewhere on the beach, the Kree Sentry corners She-Hulk against the water.
The robot bats She-Hulk into the water with a tree and then goes wading after her. Luckily, She-Hulk has a guardian Marrina.
Marrina: “No! No! Take your hands off her! No Avenger will die if I can help it!”
She jumps on the Sentry and starts trying to rip its head off.
And she manages to actually topple the Sentry and submerge it.
Inside Hydrobase, I guess Machine Man successfully convinced Stingray that he was on the level because the two of them bust in together to try to stop the Super-Adaptoid.
While Stingray gets taken out with one blast, just like Monica, Machine Man manages to start grappling the Adaptoid.
The Adaptoid just laughs off Machine Man’s attack as Just As Planned. The Super-Adaptoid super-adapts even Machine Man’s powers, and copies his face.
Meanwhile, back outside, all the fighting seems to have moved into the ocean.
After dunking the Awesome Android into the water, Namor finds that it has mimicked his bouyancy. So he just rips Andy’s head clean off.
Oof.
TESS-One has also waded out into the water to continue the fight and draws a bead on Namor. But She-Hulk and Marrina shove its robot legs and TESS-One stumbles off the edge of Hydrobase.
See, its not a real island. It doesn’t go all the way down. You know those scary pictures of places where the continental shelf just DROPS OFF.
Kinda like that is happening to TESS-One.
Hm. The Avengers are going to have a lot of waterlogged killer robots in the oceans around their base.
But after defeating those soggy robots, Namor, She-Hulk, and Marrina notice a bright light coming from the communications complex.
It turns out that the Super-Adaptoid’s hyperspace transmission has summoned a Cosmic Cube. But not just any Cosmic Cube.
Cosmic Cube has evolved into a Transformer!
The Fixermentallodruidmachineman-Adaptoid answers Kubik’s demand to know who rang.
Super-Adaptoid: “Like yourself, I am a creation of the scientists who comprised A.I.M. Once I did their bidding -- but no longer. I have my own needs now, and my own methods of satisfying them.Even those mechanical entities whose aid I enlisted in my attempt to draw you here are as nothing compared to me. Let me approach you now in my purest, most undiluted form, that you may see the truth of him who called you.”
And the Super-Adaptoid purges the appearances/powers(?) that he’s adapted and takes on the generic metal man no features form.
Kubik disputes the statement that he was created by AIM, instead saying that it was more like his essence was plucked from another universe and shoved into a cube and forced to do reality warping.
So this conversation is off to a fantastic start.
Kubik asks why the Adaptoid summoned him and the Adaptoid says he's lonely, oh so lonely.
Super-Adaptoid: "I desire... progeny. You see, I am unique -- A.I.M. was able to create one of me, and even that single creation may have been accidental. Now I desire others of my ilk... worthy to stand at my side and rule this planet when I have conquered it!”
Okay... started this answer somewhat sympathetic and plunged into un.
Kubik tells him to fuck off.
Kubik: "Kubik is no longer an immature entity, a nascent life form granting the wishes of whosoever holds me. The only changes I make in the world are those I desire. And they are few. Your wishes will not be delivered."
Then the Super-Adaptoid tells Kubik to fuck off.
Since he's the Super-Adaptoid, he'll just super-adapt Kubik's powers. He can do this, you see. He's a Super-Adaptoid.
I guess more to the point, AIM created him with a sliver of a cosmic cube so his power source is similar to Kubik. But its a frequent point that slivers of cosmic cubes don't have the same power as the fully cubic deal. And the next thing Kubik-Adaptoid says is that he's now equal in power to Kubik and uses the possibility of a reality-endangering stalemate between them to tell Kubik to fuck off back to space.
Super-Adaptoid: “At last my destiny is at hand! At last my merest whim becomes immutable fact! I am beyond conquest or challenge! The Super-Adaptoid has become -- THE MASTER OF ALL REALITY!”
Can’t wait for pride to goeith before you fall, bud.
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