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In Tess Sharpe’s The Girls I’ve Been, Nora, the daughter of a con artist, becomes a hostage in a bank heist. #tesssharpe #thegirlsivebeen #milliebobbybrown #noramalley . . . #jfdlibrary #dobielibrary #librarylove #librariesofinstagram #librariesofig #read #pisdreads #longhornpride #dobiepride #passionpridepurpose #southbeltreads https://www.instagram.com/p/CjGAS-WOmri/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
sophiemina quotes part 6
“Her hair is illuminated by the headlights. She looks unearthly, almost glowing, and I’m struck by it for a moment, half forgetting that I’ve asked a question.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you,” she says solemnly. “But you have to promise not to breathe a word.” She looks to her left, then her right, before leaning forward and hissing: “Alien takeover is imminent.”
“Oh no! The little green men are coming!” I fake a gasp, and she beams at me for playing along.”
“She coughs, and when blood trickles out of her mouth, I wipe it away with my hand. “I’m so sorry, Sophie,” she whispers.
“You don’t have to be. It’s okay.” I press harder into her chest with both hands. “It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.”
“It’s okay,” I say again. I swear it, when I have no right to.
“Sophie…” She lifts her hand, clumsily drags it toward mine. I twist our fingers together, hold on tight.
I won’t let her go.
“Soph—”
Her chest rises with one last jagged breath and then she exhales gently, her body going still, her eyes losing their light, their focus on me dimming as I watch. Her head leans to the side, her grip slowly loosening in mine.
“No, no, no!” I shake her, pound against her chest. “Wake up, Mina. Come on, wake up!” I tilt her head back and breathe into her mouth. Over and over, until I’m drenched in sweat and blood. “No, Mina! Wake up!”
I hold her tight against my shoulder and scream in the darkness, begging for help.
Wakeupwakeupwakeuppleasepleaseplease.
No help comes.
It’s just her and me.
Mina’s skin gets colder by the minute.
I still don’t let her go.”
“After Mina stops breathing, I can’t let go of her. I know I have to. I need to get up. Find help.
I have to let go.
I whisper to myself, rocking, her back pressed into my chest, her head cradled in the crook of my neck, my arms around her. “C’mon. C’mon.” But it’s almost impossible to unclench my fingers. To grasp her shoulders and lay her down on the ground. I tuck my jacket beneath her head. I wish, in a frantic moment that’s so sharp it leaves me gasping, that I had something to cover her with. It’s cold outside.
I brush a strand of hair off her forehead, smoothing it behind her ear. Her eyes are still open, hazy now, staring but not seeing the endless sky.
My hand shakes as I close them. It feels so wrong, like I’m taking away the last part of her.”
“Help. I need to get help. I repeat it over and over in my head. I have to drown it out, the voice that screams Mina, Mina, Mina, over and over and over.
I take one unsure step. Then another. And another.
I walk away from her.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“She was in love with you,” he says. “And I don’t think she got to tell you, did she?”
My heart lurches, seizes inside my chest, fluttering to life at the words I’ve always wanted to hear. I shake my head. Tears spill down my cheeks.
“She loved you. She wanted to be with you. That’s why she told me about herself. She said she’d made her choice. It was you. I think it was always you.”
I look away from him, out through the blinds at the lights of town, and he stays quiet, a comforting witness, letting me cry.
Letting me finally let her go.”
“For once, she falls first, right on her ass in the mud, and instead of getting up she holds her hand out, pulling me gently down with her. Just the two of us and the mud and rain, side by side, like we’re supposed to be.
Mina sighs happily, her arm looped in mine. She leans her head against my shoulder.
“You’re crazy. We’re gonna catch pneumonia.”
She squeezes my arm, snuggling closer to me. “Admit it. There’s nowhere else you’d rather be than here with me.”
I close my eyes, let the rain fall on my face, let the weight of her press into me, her warmth seep into my skin. “You got me,” I say.”
“We were in love. Me and Mina. We were in love.”
“There’s this long road ahead. It’s never-ending, because you don’t get over losing someone. Not completely. Not when she was a part of you. Not when loving her broke you as much as it changed you.”
“When you were in Oregon, Mina would come by. I used to find her up in the tree house. Or she’d sneak into your bedroom to do homework. We’d talk sometimes. She was scared you wouldn’t forgive her for telling us about the drugs. I told her that she shouldn’t worry. That you were the type of girl who didn’t let anything stand in the way of loving someone. Especially her.”
I look up at her, surprised at the warmth in her eyes that’s almost encouragement. Mom smiles and brushes her cheek against mine. “It’s a good thing, Sophie,” she says softly. “Being able to love someone that much. It makes you brave.”
“She would’ve loved you like this,” he says.
I don’t think it’ll ever be easy to think about it, about all the chances Mina and I missed, the beginning, middle, and end we never had. Maybe we would’ve fizzled out instantly, her fear getting the better of her. Maybe we would’ve finished with high school, with fights and tears and words that couldn’t be taken back. Maybe we would’ve lasted through college, only to end in quiet, strangled silence. Maybe we would’ve had forever.”
“But my heart isn’t simple or straightforward. It’s a complicated mess of wants and needs, boys and girls: soft, rough, and everything in between, an ever-shifting precipice from which to fall. And as it beats, it’s still her name that thrums through me.”
“I hold my hand out, palm up, to show her. “Then they won’t bite.”
Mina does the same with her hand, and our fingertips bump. She looks up and smiles at me.”
“Come with me?”
She smiles, reaches out, and takes my hand.
We walk into the rest of our lives together, not knowing it’ll end before it’s truly started.”
“I wish this could be like in the movies. That I was the type of person who could reach out and trace the letters of her name and feel peaceful. I wish I could speak to this hunk of marble like it was her, feel comforted that her body is six feet below, believe that her spirit is watching from above.”
“I kneel down next to her and pull the string of solar Christmas lights out of my bag. I drape them on her headstone, trailing the strands down both sides of her grave.
I stay until nightfall, watching the lights begin to twinkle. My hand rests on the ground above her. When I get up, my fingers linger in the grass.
I walk to my car and never once do I look back.
Mina’s night-lights will endure. Year after year, Trev will replace them when they dim. And I know that someday, when I’m ready to come home, they’ll light my way.”
sophiemina quotes part 5
“You have to believe in something,” Mina protests.
I squeeze her hands and she grips mine back, tight, like I’m going to disappear any second.
“I believe in you,” I say.”
“Mina laughs, and I can feel the vibration of it through my skin.”
“We should get back.” Trev is up and pulling at the rigging while Mina stays where she is.
I can feel her watching me.
But when I look at her, she’s turned toward the docks, blocking me out.
Cowards, both of us.”
“Mina had been talking about you for weeks. I remember being glad she’d made a friend, that she was talking and laughing instead of crying. You were so quiet at first, you held yourself so still, sort of like Mina’s opposite.” He laughs. “But you were always watching her. I knew I could count on you, that you’d help her. ”
“I wanted to tell you about me,” I say instead. “But I couldn’t without telling you about her. I’m wrapped up in her, Trev. I never learned how to love anyone else because she was there and we were us. We were always just us, and I couldn’t break that without breaking me. Without breaking her.”
“Mina led, and I followed. She hid, and I was her shelter. She kept secrets, and I guarded them. Mina lied, and so did I.”
“Loving her was never scary. It was never wrong. It was where I fit.”
“I can’t breathe around the feeling. Her hands press down on my shoulders, pinning me to the floor. My back aches, my leg twisted at a bad angle, but her eyes burn into mine. She won’t look away now. I can’t, because I’ve never seen her this way before, like this is the most dangerous thing she’s ever done. She leans down, so close I can feel her breath against my skin. Her hair spills across my shoulder, brushing my neck.”
“I lick my lips and shake my head. My final dare.
Mina breaks, and the space between us is finally gone.
She kisses me, and even now I’m amazed that it’s her instead of me who concedes.”
“I trail my hands down the sides of her face, kiss her hard, tongue and teeth. This has never been soft or sweet; we’ve always been more than that, sharpened by time and want, our secret war finally won.”
“I want to remember everything because it’s the first time.
Later, I’ll remember everything because it’s the only time.”
“What’s in the bag?” She makes a grab for it, and I step back so she can’t get it. She pouts, her strawberry-red lips sticking out. “Mean.”
I just smile and set the bag out of her reach before boosting myself up beside her.”
“I tilt my head to the right so I can look at her. My hair and hers, blond and brown, are twined together on the blanket, and she’s careful not to meet my eyes.”
“Mina bites her lip; I’m close enough that I can smell the strawberry gloss. “Sometimes it’s all I think about,” she says, so quiet I almost don’t hear her. She sighs and reaches out, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Her hand lingers for a moment on my skin, settling into the little crook under my jaw where my pulse thumps.”
“Mina sits straight up and hops out of the truck, clapping her hands like a kid, and I smile as she watches the show, as transfixed as I am by her.”
“She beams at me, and I beam back.
Instead of taking it, she wraps both hands around mine, and we stay there, me sitting on the tailgate and her standing in front of me, the sparkler showering light between us, popping and hissing in the air. Shadows play across her face, the light illuminating her in fits and starts, and I’ve never felt more sure, and she’s never looked more beautiful.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she whispers.
I hook my thumb around hers, and our matching rings click against each other, the unspoken promise of forever…someday.”
“I sleep, but all I dream about is chasing after Mina, her laughing, and me never quite catching up.”
“Out of the corner of my eye, I catch her watching me, but every time I look at her straight on, she pretends she hasn’t been staring.”
“You remember what you said? About choices?”
“I remember,” I say carefully. I’m afraid to say any more.
“We should talk about it.”
“Now?”
She shakes her head. “Not yet. But soon. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“You promise?” She turns away from the road, and I’m startled to see a rare streak of vulnerability in her face.
“I promise.”
She’s got to hear it, how much I mean it.
It’s the first (last, only) promise I break to her.”
sophiemina quotes part 3
“Soph, if you don’t open this door in the next five seconds, I’ll break it down. I swear I will.” Mina knocks harder.
“You couldn’t,” I say, but I smile at the thought of her, five-foot-two, a hundred pounds soaking wet, trying.
“I can! Or I’ll go get Trev—I bet he could break it down.”
“Don’t you dare get Trev.”
“She’d grabbed my hand and steadied me, and when she’d let go (holding on a second too long, my skin against hers, half-dressed in the tiny room), she’d blushed and stammered when I asked her if she was all right.”
“You tricked out my cane.” I reach for it, and my smile is so wide, I feel like it’s going to split my face in two. I press my hand against my mouth, like I need to hide it, hold it in, and I do, because the tears are there, down my face, probably messing up all my makeup. I don’t care, because she does something that no one else can: she makes my life pretty and good and full of sparkles and velvet, and I love her so much in that moment that I can’t contain it.
So I say it because I mean it. Because I have to, there is no choice, standing there with her: “I love you.”
It’s there, just for a second. I see the flicker in her eyes, and she does so well to cover it, but I see it, before she hugs me and whispers against my ear, “I love you more.”
“I don’t say what I’m thinking. I don’t tell him how lucky he is, that he can just sit there and admit it, sheepish, but unashamed. Like it’s his right. Like it’s okay, because she’s supposed to belong to someone like him, instead of someone like me. ”
“Whenever you’re around, I think about her telling me, the look on her face…” He lets out a shuddering breath. His Adam’s apple bobs under the collar of his polo shirt. “She was so relieved. Like she’d wanted to say it forever.”
“We roll down all the windows and head to the lake, singing along to the radio”
“She comes up with a splash, her dark hair flying everywhere as she beams at me in the moonlight.”
“It hadn’t been. It only means something when it’s with the right person. And I couldn’t have her.
“I can’t b-believe…” Mina stutters. “Oh my God.”
“It’s not a big deal,” I mumble.
“Yes it is!” She says it so quickly, and I can hear the catch in her voice.
Like she’s about to cry.
“Mina.” I start to swim over to her, but she turns from me, dives deep. She glides under the water, and when she surfaces I can’t tell if it’s tears or lake water dripping down her face.
We never talk about it again.”
“When our eyes meet across the deck, I understand: she planned it, she wanted it this way, she’d just been waiting for me to find out—and I hate her for it.
It’s the most vicious thing she’s ever done to me, but really, how can I blame her?”
“Anything to erase her from me.
But some marks, they don’t fade. No matter what.”
“Mina blinks, and her eyes glint in the moonlight. I want to lean forward, press my lips against hers. I need to know what her mouth tastes like—sweet, maybe, like strawberries.”
“But her hand finds mine behind his back and our fingers lace together, the click of our rings a secret sound only we understand.
Some barriers, they’re made to be broken.”
“She was bossy,” I say finally. “And spoiled. But really thoughtful. And smart. Smarter than everyone else. She could bullshit her way out of anything by just smiling. She was a bitch when she needed to be and she’d never apologize for it. She’s the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing I think of when I go to sleep, and the only thing I think about in between.”
“Don’t be stupid. I can’t make you walk that far. I’ll go get help and come back for you.”
“I’m being stupid? You’re the one who failed the wilderness skills part of Girl Scouts. You’ll probably get eaten by a bear. You go, I go.”
“What is up with you? Stop treating me like I’m—”
“Weak?” she finishes for me. “Disabled? Hurt?” Her voice rises with each word, trembling and high-pitched, like they’ve been stuck in her forever, now finally free.
I jerk back from her, like she’s hit me instead of just telling the truth. Even though she’s standing ten feet away, I need more distance from her. I stumble, achingly aware of my clumsiness in that moment. “What the hell, Mina?”
“ I know you’re in pain, Soph; I know that. But I also know you. You’re hurting yourself, and either no one else has noticed or they’re not saying it. So I guess I’m going to say it. You need to stop. Before it becomes a problem.”
“Please, Sophie, I need you to hear me,” she says”
“But then the love she has for me—whatever kind that is—will be gone. I know it. How could she love me when I’m like this?
“You’re right,” I say. “I’ll talk to my doctors about it, okay?”
“You will?” she asks, and she seems so small. She’s tiny, of course, but right now she sounds it. “Really?”
“Really,” I say, my stomach turning at the lie. I tell myself I will ask them, that I’ll do it for her.”
“She gallops back to hug me. The scent of vanilla floods me, the smell of damp and green from the forest mingling with it to make the best perfume. Her hands are warm, looped around my waist, her face pressed into my neck as she breathes, the relief pouring off her.”
sophiemina quotes part 1
“You’re going to be fine,” she promises.
I stop fighting and trust her.”
“Mina’s hand clutching mine, our nails digging into each other’s flesh.
After, I’ll trace my fingers over those bloody half-moon marks and realize they’re all I have left of her.”
“Surgical scars snake their way up my leg, around my knee, down my chest.
Battle scars, Mina calls them. “They’re fierce.”
Her hands shake when she helps me button my sweater.”
“I press hard against Mina’s chest, but my jacket’s already soaked through.
“It’s okay,” I keep saying. Over and over. She stares up at me with shocked, wet eyes and takes gulping breaths. Her body shivers beneath my hands.
“Sophie…” My name wheezes out of her. She lifts her hand, drags it toward mine. “Soph—”
It’s the last thing she ever says.”
“I loved Mina,” I say. I’ve practiced it a hundred times, but this can’t sound rehearsed. “And her murder is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. But Mina would want me to move on. She’d want me to be happy. And she’d want me to stay clean. So I’m going to do that.”
“She was my best friend,” I say.
“Don’t you think I know how I screwed up? I barely sleep sometimes, thinking about what I could’ve done differently that night. How I could’ve stopped it. How it’s my fault. I know all of that. I just have to learn to live with it.”
“I wish I could tell Macy to hit the brakes. Beg her to take me back to Oregon with her.
How can I be here without Mina?
I bite my tongue. I have to do this for her. It’s the only thing I can do.”
“I take a breath, then another.
On the third, I step into the shower.
I let the water wash away the last of her.”
“When we were little, whenever she cried, I’d give her the purple crayon out of my box so she’d have two, and it made her smile through the tears, so I kept doing it. I stole purple crayons from everyone’s crayon boxes until she had a whole collection.”
“I can’t go out to Mina’s grave. The idea of her in the ground, sealed forever in the dark when she had been all light and sound and spark, horrifies me. When I force myself to think about it, I think she would’ve liked to disappear in flames, the brilliance and warmth all around her.
But she’s in the ground. It’s so wrong, but I can’t change it.”
“My body knows where I’m going. It’s always trying to find traces of her.”
“I’m smiling at something off camera, my eyes lowered, almost hopeful as my hand reaches out. For Mina, of course. Always for Mina”
“Sophie—
I know you’re still mad. I’m not sure you’ll even read this. But if you do…
Please get better. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.
Mina
I press my fingers under the smudge the word me is written over, trying to make out the word she’d erased. I trace two letters, the shadowy, barely there curls of a U and an S she didn’t quite erase: do it for us.”
“I wanted to make myself better. For Mina. For me.”
“After the crash, Mina had insisted I needed a hobby and presented me with a preapproved list. I’d chosen gardening to get her off my back, but then, as usual, she’d taken it to extremes”
“Mina had painted hearts and infinity symbols on the outsides of the beds, adding to them when she’d sit out here with me: her favorite quotes surrounded by stars, a pair of crooked stick-figure girls holding hands and faded red balloons. I brush my dirty fingers over the wood to touch what she’d touched.”
mina bishop soft quotes part 2
“You know how everyone has, like, a dream? For their life, I mean?”
I nod.
“Mina was mine.”
I reach out—I can’t help it—and squeeze his shoulder.
“Mine, too.”
“I can do it myself,” I say, clutching the bottle of vitamin E oil.
“No offense, but your hand still looks like raw hamburger.”
Mina is not patient or soft.”
“This stuff smells like my grandma.”
“That whole week you were in coma-land, she was freaking out. Soap-opera style.”
“What are these going to be, again?”
“Tomatoes.”
“Seems like a lot of trouble for tomatoes,”
“Mina beams. “You could’ve just gotten me flowers.”
I set a seedling carefully into the dirt. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“We can make purple pasta sauce,” she suggests.
“As long as you’re doing the cooking.”
“Oh, come on—remember that vegetable soup you tried to make? There was only a teeny tiny fire that time. You’re getting better.”
“Aren’t you glad I made you get a hobby?” Mina asks, grinning. “When you become a world-famous botanist, I can say I’m responsible whenever I brag about you.”
“I think out of the two of us, you’re going to end up being the world-famous one,” I say, laughing.
“Well, that goes without saying,” Mina answers. “I’ll make sure to thank you when I win my Pulitzer.”
“I’m honored.”
“You have to believe in something,” Mina protests.
I squeeze her hands and she grips mine back, tight, like I’m going to disappear any second.
“I believe in you,” I say.”
“Mina laughs, and I can feel the vibration of it through my skin.”
“Mina had been talking about you for weeks. I remember being glad she’d made a friend, that she was talking and laughing instead of crying.”
“She hid them in a box of Barbies?”
“Actually, she hid them in Barbie’s car, folded in the little trunk. Mina was tricky. I almost didn’t check there.”
“What’s in the bag?” She makes a grab for it, and I step back so she can’t get it. She pouts, her strawberry-red lips sticking out. “Mean.”
“Mina sits straight up and hops out of the truck, clapping her hands like a kid, and I smile as she watches the show, as transfixed as I am by her.”
“Shadows play across her face, the light illuminating her in fits and starts, and I’ve never felt more sure, and she’s never looked more beautiful.”
“I sleep, but all I dream about is chasing after Mina, her laughing”
“You still not gonna tell me what this is all about?” I find the playlist marked Sophie and page through the songs.
“Not yet,” Mina trills.
“You and your weird superstitions,” I say, rolling my eyes and grinning.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you,” she says solemnly. “But you have to promise not to breathe a word.” She looks to her left, then her right, before leaning forward and hissing: “Alien takeover is imminent.”
“Watch out!” Mina stomps into the puddle. Muddy water splashes against my back, drenching me.
“Oh my God!” I shriek, spinning around. “I can’t believe you just did that.”
“Come on. Play with me.”
“You are such a brat sometimes,”
Mina sighs happily, her arm looped in mine. She leans her head against my shoulder.
“When you were in Oregon, Mina would come by. I used to find her up in the tree house. Or she’d sneak into your bedroom to do homework.”
“I hold my hand out, palm up, to show her. “Then they won’t bite.”
Mina does the same with her hand, and our fingertips bump. She looks up and smiles at me.”
mina bishop soft quotes part 1
“Mina has the windows rolled down, her hands dancing to the music, rings glinting in the late afternoon sunlight as we speed past barbed wire fences and scrabbly ranches, the mountains stretching out behind them.”
“After the crash, Mina had insisted I needed a hobby and presented me with a preapproved list. I’d chosen gardening to get her off my back, but then, as usual, she’d taken it to extremes”
“Mina had painted hearts and infinity symbols on the outsides of the beds, adding to them when she’d sit out here with me: her favorite quotes surrounded by stars, a pair of crooked stick-figure girls holding hands and faded red balloons.”
“Congratulations! As of 5:15 this morning, you are officially sixteen. Proceed to your closet for part one of your surprise.
—Mina
P.S. Yes, you have to wear what I picked out. No arguments. If I leave it up to you, you’ll just wear jeans. Please, go with me on this for once. The color is perfect.”
“Mina loves birthdays.”
“I look down over the railing and finally spot her on the north side, down the trail near the riverbank. She’s a blur of yellow, her dress bright against the gray railing. She waves.”
“Get out of bed, then,” she says.
“I don’t want to.”
“Too bad. Your mom says you won’t leave your room. And when your mom starts calling me for help, I know there’s a problem. So—up! You reek. You need to shower.”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Yeah, right, that’s really gonna work on me.” Mina rolls her eyes.”
“For a second I think she’s turned the shower on in the bathroom, but then the pillow I’m holding is yanked out of my hands and, when I open my mouth to protest, Mina dumps a glass of cold water over my head.
Mina giggles, delighted, dancing out of the way and then back, tilting the empty glass in her hand teasingly at me.
“Bitch,” I say, yanking my dripping hair out of my eyes.
“You can call me whatever you want, smelly, as long as you shower,”
“Mina had liked it that way. She’d always been restless at night, writing until dawn, baking cookies at midnight, throwing rocks at my window at three A.M., luring me out for mini road trips to the lake.”
“You’re the one who broke her crown.”
I don’t bother to hide my grin. “I didn’t mean to step on it! That float was totally unstable. And I was already at a disadvantage.”
“Uh-huh, I believe you, Soph,” Mina says. ”
“Mina’s awake, but she’s pretending not to be. She can’t fool me; years of sleepovers have taught me when she’s faking.
“I know you’re awake.”
“Go to sleep”
“Soph, if you don’t open this door in the next five seconds, I’ll break it down. I swear I will.” Mina knocks harder.
“Whenever you’re around, I think about her telling me, the look on her face…” He lets out a shuddering breath. His Adam’s apple bobs under the collar of his polo shirt. “She was so relieved. Like she’d wanted to say it forever.”
“She liked girls,” I continue when I’ve got a hold on myself. “She only liked girls.”
“She comes up with a splash, her dark hair flying everywhere as she beams at me in the moonlight.”
“She was bossy,” I say finally. “And spoiled. But really thoughtful. And smart. Smarter than everyone else. She could bullshit her way out of anything by just smiling. She was a bitch when she needed to be and she’d never apologize for it. She’s the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing I think of when I go to sleep, and the only thing I think about in between.”
“Mina pulls her phone out and stomps around, trying to get a signal. I don’t tell her it’s useless, because she’s got that determined look on her face”
“She gallops back to hug me. The scent of vanilla floods me, the smell of damp and green from the forest mingling with it to make the best perfume.”
“She collapses on my bed, scattering throw pillows everywhere. She’s wearing a hot pink dress that’s so short, her mom would throw a fit if she saw it—which, of course, is why Mina changed into it at my house. There are little beads on the three-quarter-length sleeves, and they keep catching the light, like she’s twinkling.”
“You should see the line of girls at the docks every weekend,” Mina says, snickering. “They loll around frying in the sun and watch him—it’s ridiculous. If he took his shirt off, I think they’d have a collective fit. Disgusting.”
sophie winters soft quotes part 2
“It’s horrible,” Mina says.
“Why does it matter? I’m not an expert.”
“It matters,” she says.
“What, are you worried that I won’t end up there if there is a heaven?” I ask.
“Yes!”
I can’t stop the smile that stretches across my face.”
“you were always watching her. I knew I could count on you, that you’d help her. ”
“Loving her was never scary. It was never wrong. It was where I fit.”
“You still not gonna tell me what this is all about?” I find the playlist marked Sophie and page through the songs.
“Not yet,” Mina trills.
“You and your weird superstitions,” I say, rolling my eyes and grinning.”
“Not really happy,” Rachel says. “But you’re not Ms. Sunshine, so A-plus for effort.”
“Her hair is illuminated by the headlights. She looks unearthly, almost glowing, and I’m struck by it for a moment, half forgetting that I’ve asked a question.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you,” she says solemnly. “But you have to promise not to breathe a word.” She looks to her left, then her right, before leaning forward and hissing: “Alien takeover is imminent.”
“Oh no! The little green men are coming!” I fake a gasp, and she beams at me for playing along.”
“This almost-dying thing is getting to be a habit with you. Not good.”
“I guess I just take after you,” I say.
Macy laughs shakily. “Hell, I hope not.”
“I’m scared,” I say, breaking my silence.
“I know you are,” she says, her voice ringing out over the traffic noise. “But you’re brave, babe. You’re strong.”
“Watch out!” Mina stomps into the puddle. Muddy water splashes against my back, drenching me.
“Oh my God!” I shriek, spinning around. “I can’t believe you just did that.”
“Come on. Play with me.”
“You are such a brat sometimes,”
“Neither of them is really happy about it,” I say. I’ve been shredding my napkin into little pieces, and they flutter across the table when Rachel turns the page. “I may have played the ‘I was attacked by psychos’ card to get them to agree.”
“For months, the urge to use has been buried beneath my need to find Mina’s killer. Now I need to be strong for myself.”
“I told her that she shouldn’t worry. That you were the type of girl who didn’t let anything stand in the way of loving someone.”
“It’s a good thing, Sophie,” she says softly. “Being able to love someone that much. It makes you brave.”
“Know what you’re gonna do yet?”
“I don’t,” I say, and it’s wonderful, not to know anything without dreading the feeling. To not have a suspect list in my head. To not think about what’s next except for an open road and a little house with a yoga studio and a vegetable garden in the backyard.”
“But my heart isn’t simple or straightforward. It’s a complicated mess of wants and needs, boys and girls: soft, rough, and everything in between, an ever-shifting precipice from which to fall.”
“I giggle. “They have big teeth. But I give them carrots. You have to make your hand flat.” I hold my hand out, palm up, to show her. “Then they won’t bite.”
