Late Nights On Tumblr
I’m not good at writing. Sometimes I like to think I am. I like to call myself emo, or grunge, or alternative. But am I really? Sure I love alternative music, along with rock, punk and some metal. But I mean, I also like listening to R&B, rap, and some new “pop” songs. I would love to express myself. But how? I can’t through hair. Been there done that. Nor with clothes. Well, maybe? I wear a uniform to school, not school skirt type stuff, but khakis and a polo. I’m not old enough to have a job yet, nor go out with friends at night. I just want to find who I really am. I want to see myself as a person who doesn’t like labels, or what people think about me. That’s a lie. I care to much. I look in a mirror one day and think what am I? I look so bad, I need to lose weight but I also want to gain weight. Another day I can be feeling myself and think I’m unstoppable. Though later I always go back to the first thing. I don’t understand how to let go of what people think. Like I mentioned above, I like to think of myself as emo, or alternative, or grunge. I also see myself as a tomboy, but also a girly-girl. I have many band tee’s, along with graphic tee’s and skinny jeans, combat boots, converse etc. but also I have cute jeans, cute tops and shirts. As fair as my appearance, it’s a little complicated. I used to wear makeup all the time, or as whenever I could. Now I only wear it on special days/ nights. I don’t wear makeup to school anymore either. My hair is naturally curly. Beautiful curls. I didn’t like them though. I would always straighten them. Eventually I bleached my hair and dyed it over and over. Then I realized what I had done. I was so mad at myself, though I guess I knew the consequences going into it. More recently I’ve been taking better care of my skin and hair. Trying to grow my hair out, get it healthy again. I miss my old curls. They were thick and full. Now my hair is so thin and won’t really curl right anymore. Now my body. I’m no where near the skinniest girl, or prettiest. Nor am I the heaviest girl. Nor am I the curviest either. I have a normal chest size to me, they could be bigger. I’m a decent height. Though my stomach is full and pooched out quite a bit. I have a good size rear and thighs. But everything is out of proportion. My stomach poking out, makes my butt look small. It gets on my nerves so much. I know laying around all the time eating what I find and please isn’t doing any good nor is complaining about something I’m not working on. So I think I’ve realized who I can start to be. A better me.
I am writing this at midnight and listening to music. I opened the text option not knowing what I was going to write. But my fingers and my mind went to work.
So, starting next week I’m going to starting working out, watching what I eat and just enjoying myself to my best. I’m going to not label myself. I’m also going to work on caring what people think about me. I want to stick to this for once and hope I get results I am comfortable with.
If anyone reads this. I hope you enjoy this. Please don’t criticize my writing I’m not good at it. But feel free to leave your thoughts.
To anyone reading who is going through the same thing... I’m here if you want to talk, or vent etc. Also you aren’t alone in your struggles.
This isn’t proof read by the way.
