#text poops

[gottacatchemmall]

Dear Ex

Thinking about you, physically makes me throw up.

I never thought you could be so cruel and disrespectful to a person who gave you their everything. To lie and hide things from someone who would have never done anything to hurt you.

You said you didn't know what happened to yourself and that you were finding all of your toxic traits. So you let those traits consume you and you decided to give up on being a good person?

So after a month of ignoring my existence after everything we went through together, you're dating someone else. The girl who went after you when you had a girlfriend, the girl who smokes weed, the girl who uses the n word, the girl who just turned 18, the girl who attacked me on social media when I dont know her or have said anything to her.

Congrats you ruined your relationship with someone who genuinely cared about you and wanted to still be your friend and be there for you even after you hurt them more than anyone ever has.

But it's okay because you have your new girl to make you feel good about yourself. Are you really proud of yourself and what you've become? Are you proud to call a person like that your girlfriend? Do you really mean the things you say to her?

What would my mom think of you?

I know that I didn't deserve to be lied to, ignored, or attacked, and you know that too. But you didn't care, you let it happen. You didn't even have the decency to apologize for anything or see if I was okay. And now you're dating that immature, crazy girl.

I do not need you nor have I ever, because my life does not revolve around a boy. That's the reason I'm so happy without you. My happiness is not defined by others. I am proud of who I am and I'm so excited to see the even better version of myself that I become. I have my whole life in front of me and for the first time in 3 years I can say that I won't be held back. I enjoyed our 3 years and I would not take them back, but I deserve better. Thank you for showing me that I should never settle.

Since our breakup, my passion for teaching finally came out and I'm at the top of my class. I decided I am going to apply for the jet program after I graduate and live in Japan. I have become more social and even nicer than I was before. I love everything about myself. There's nothing keeping me from my dreams and it's honestly the best feeling ever.

I hope you eventually find yourself. I hope you quit numbing yourself and feel everything. I hope you make the right decisions and choose to be someone you can be proud of.

I don't love you,

Emma

[gottacatchemmall]

"Never think that you aren't good enough because the world isn't good enough for you."

[gottacatchemmall]

Literally this boy, he also sent me an essay this morning. Someone help.

[gottacatchemmall]

Things that wonderful people in my life have said to me after I've now been attacked TWICE on social media by my ex's new girlfriend:

-You don't deserve any of this, you're such a kind, sweet, funny, and beautiful girl.

-You'll be fine you're a beautiful person Emma

Everything will be fine. You're an amazing person and should feel amazing. Don't let an immature girl make u feel any different.

-I love you so much and I just need you to know that I will fight to the death for you in any situation because you are the most gentle, loving, genuine person I know and you mean the world to me.

-I'm really proud of you. You're so much better than them.

-Emma has every right to express her anger towards him. it wasnt directed toward anyone BUT him.

-I know. she just wants to feel like she "beat" you. she's too stupid to realize that she's not important.

-They don’t have anything on you because you did nothing wrong.

-I'm glad you are handling things well, I'm proud of you for coming as far as you have, keep it going dude.

[gottacatchemmall]

I've had 3 boys ask to take me out on dates.

And another 2 that have shown interest in me.

But I have yet to actually do anything with any of them because I have respect for myself and for others.

[gottacatchemmall]

You say how you're hurting too but this is what you wanted. You're the one who stopped loving me and deciding to go for another girl. You're the one who disregarded my feelings by continuing to talk to her and lying to me. All I ever did was love and care for you. I'm the heartbroken one because you didn't treat me the same. Don't you dare try to make me feel quilty when I did nothing wrong to you.

[gottacatchemmall]

5/24/16

Its insane how quick things can happen. This time last year everything was normal, the family was excited about my graduation. Towards the end of June, you started filling sick but you ignored it and just continued to prepare for my graduation party. July 1st, 2015, the pain became too much to withstand and you went to the emergency room. You then spent a month at st agnes where they found cancer in uterus and performed surgery to try and get rid of it. But we very soon found out that it was terminal cancer. The middle of august, you were able to walk around and we went on a few last family trips. Cocoa passed away around that time. I started college and you started chemo. The chemo and radiation had horribke side effects on you, causing sores and swelling in your legs. By november, you were unable to walk. We kept you company in the house and you helped us in any way you could while still sitting in your recliner. Everything kind of stayed frozen like that for a while. We would go pick you up lunch. Before i left for school every morning around 6, i always looked forward to going downstairs and talking to for 30 minutes before i left. I could talk to you about anything. You were always so proud and encourage me to be more confident. Everything changed right around when finals began. Instead of beginning another round of chemo, the doctors decided that you were much too weak. You were then put on hospice. After about 2 weeks of hospice, you only got weaker. They brought you a bed and you were hooked up to a catheter all day. You then started to lose interest in the tv and you slept a lot more often. You also started taking morphine. Before i went to bed, i would hold your hand and just talk to you. Last night, i squeezed your hand so hard and the tears wouldn’t stop. You were pretty much unable to talk at that point. I hugged you one last time and said, “I’m going to bed, mom. I love you.” With the amount of strength you could muster, you said, “I love you too.” You were gone by the time I woke up the next morning.

[gottacatchemmall]

Its just too much

There’s never a moment when I don’t feel like breaking down. I feel like I’m holding so much back and if I were to let it out, the tears would never stop. Its the little things that trigger these emotions. Like the magazines in the bathroom dated june 2015, weeks before we found out. Everything of yours is still exactly the same. But the dates make me realize that time stopped for me 8 months ago. Sometimes I have dreams where everything is still the way it was. But then I wake up and the reality hits me. The extremely cluttered house, the kitchen full of dirty dishes, and you depending on me for everything like I once depended on you. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want my mom to be here for the next 20 years of my life, to see my wedding day, to show me how to care for your grandchildren, to teach me how to make all of your amazing meals that I miss so much. I need you to be there and I dont think I’ll make it without you. It's just so hard.