so I have no clue what happened but almost all my electronics just fucked up. the tv stayed on but had no signal, there was no wifi on my phone even though the modem seemed to be on and my monitor lost all connection to my computer, which was also just entirely unresponsive even though the power button was lit and my keyboard and mouse -- which are custom light up shit -- stayed as usual. I nearly had a panic attack and like I mean I was really close I had the horrible shriek-y crying gasps that come before hte hardcore hyperventilation but the tv eventually dealt with itself and reset, and I said to myself ‘you can just do a hard shutdown on the computer, you’re not losing anything vital, c’mon’ and I did and when it came back I was a little freaked bc the event viewer wouldn’t load but when it did it just showed a critical power failure which makes me wonder if the power strip my computer and the internet modem are plugged into is what went wrong. at any rate I’m home alone so there was no one here to comfort me and it’s not something I can examine any closer without help so I’m trying to focus on the fact that my computer seems safe and I survived and I didn’t actually become so wrought with panic that I couldn’t fucking deal with it but it’s so annoying that this happens... the one night my parents are out without me... when I’m on my period... like this whole event just conspired to fuck me up. christ I was doing Very Bad for a while but I’m back and it’s okay and I’m hoping very desperately that this was some weird one-time fluke that I at least won’t have to deal with until I’m not literally the only person in this house
I just saw a post on my dash that was probably aimed at teachers and talking about different ways to talk to kids struggling with math and there was a list of ‘growth’ mindsets [encouraged] and ‘fixed’ mindsets [had a frowny face under that side of hte list] and I don’t know if it’s just. meant for much younger students but tbh to me like? the ‘growth’ ones felt really pretty patronizing? and the ‘fixed’ ones were admittedly a little harsh and not encouraging at all but like. okay. don’t get me wrong. I fucking love math, I actually enjoy doing it and choose to do it for stress relief sometimes, I’m not even kidding. but? not everyone is good at math? and while we shouldn’t be saying stuff like that like it’s just ‘you suck at this, whatever, do what you can I don’t actually care’ I feel like we also need to keep the understanding that some people actually aren’t good at it, and don’t like it, and it’s not because they’re being discouraged or because they haven’t had opportunity to learn it well, it’s because literally every person’s mind works differently and some people? work better with numbers? and lots of people also don’t?
fuck though it might just be my family how I’m reacting, because literally everyone in my immediate family has been good at math, my mom has an engineering degree and my dad’s a retired physicist who now teaches math classes for fun, and so there’s generally been a lot of sneering at people complaining about math, and I’ve never had trouble so when I was younger I just? didn’t get how people couldn’t get it? but now I’ve reached a point where my parent’s ridiculous intellectualism is fucking grating on me, I’ve heard things in this house about a ‘war on’ fuck I can’t remember the word but it’s kind of the circle-jerk ‘we’re smarter and these people hate us for it’ sort of thing and I’m good at logicking but my parents are not so kind about my inability to fucking memorize multiplication tables and learn long division and retain that shit and I want to scream because yes, I think there’s a lot wrong with how math is taught in schools and I think many people could learn better given the right tools and environments for it but people also need to be aware that not being good at everything is Okay? and math especially? and that might actually be some of my feelings about my own bipolar coming through actually because I’m still struggling to accept that I might never actually be able to go to a great college and get a fucking masters or something and go on to become an engineer and invent the worlds next best solar panel but every time I try to talk about that everyone seems to think I’m giving up or something? but I’m literally not I’m just trying to cope with the possibility that I might not have the life I thought I was going to, that I might have been able to achieve were I neurotypical but have a much smaller chance of reaching as I actually am in this universe, and seriously every time everyone tries to ‘encourage’ me I literally just feel more like I’m going to be a horrible failure when that happens and nobody fucking gets that, they don’t get that their attempts at encouragement are actually harming me when I’m in that state, because that state is me trying desperately to believe that I will still have value if I can’t get there, that people will still care about me, and their ‘encouragement’ is basically them saying the exact opposite by the time it processes, and I’ve tried explaining it and they still never seem to fuckign get it, and just
I don’t want other people to have to deal with that.
this got long and intense and tbh I’m not actually feeling emotionally upset rn? like irl or even just. in my tech-space brain. it’s just an idea that’s been present for a fucking long time that I still struggle with because no one ever seems to get it. and then they tell me that I’m putting hte pressure on myself and twisting their words and like. that’s literally. that’s mental illness. that’s what mental illness does. I don’t really know what else I can do to explain that.
31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)
lukas: lukas would have a food/anime/forest aesthetic blog that also contains abt 10% personal/shitposts. he would post selfies at LEAST once a week and he would have one of those cutesy themes with pixel bows and hearts and it’s rly accessable and he would have in depth links and a long abt with a tl;dr and it would b quality
felix: hmm felix would have a pool/water/tech aesthetic blog and he would be p open on his blog and interact with his followers a lot and he would block anyone that sent asks abt free to him bc he would hate that shit
ai: ai would have a fashion blog no doubt. they would reblog lots of cute clothes and accessories and stuff and they would have ootd posts and their about would have cute emojis in it and everything would be very pink
ignacious: ignacious would have an art blog. he would post his art, digital and traditional, and put snarky captions on everything bc he knows no self-appreciation. lukas would reblog his art bc lukas luvs his big bro
rowan: rowan would have a very clean, shiny interior aesthetic/health tips blog. he would post abt safe binding and stuff like that and how to prevent disease and give ppl advice on that stuff and he would have a white/light grey theme and a minimal about. he would post selfies occasionally, and half of those selfies would also feature lukas
rinri: rinri would mainly make posts abt how gay she is for bianca, post selfies, and post aesthetic pictures of pretty flowers and nice foods. her theme would be blue and white and have a lace bg
lovino: lovino would rarely post and his posts would mostly be high qual photos of soft blankets and furniture. his theme would be boring, but not a default theme
alex: alex would have an aesthetic blog for like. dancers and instruments and the like. he would post little to nothing about himself. boring but accessible theme with a plain black bg
ren: ren would have a blog that’s mostly good vibes and him being gay for his bfs. he would give advice on healthy polyamory and shit. selfies mostly contain one or both of his bfs, one or more of his siblings, or lukas (lukas likes selfies if u hadnt noticed)
bianca: bianca would have a blog dedicated to fashion and girls. she would post selfies with rinri or her siblings regularly. she would have an antique-esque theme with lots of roses
angelo: angelo would have a ballet blog no doubt. he may post the occasional selfie or personal thing, but his blog would redirect to /tagged/x so aesthetic posts would be seen unless one looked for something else. black/pink theme, ribbons everywhere.
iona: fashion/makeup/hair blog. she would post an occasional ootd, sometimes featuring ai or lukas or one of her brothers (who she liked to dress nicely on occasion). pink flowery pixely blog theme
avii: mostly personal blog. orange/cream stripey theme. average about. they would post selfies, but only if angelo or a sibling were also in them
leland: pool/health blog. leland tries to give tips on being healthy and staying in shape, but finds he’s better as a swim team captain in the flesh rather than online. he mostly sticks to posting pretty pool/water pictures. blue theme (shocker huh) and in depth about
annkarin: she would have a photography blog. the photos on her blog would be similar to the kinda things max from lis takes photos of (including selfies). annkarin would try to keep her job away from the blog. theme isn’t super fancy or boring. btw js rn nobody has the default theme. i can’t let this happen
kiki: kiki has a tattoo/art blog. she posts her watercolor works a lot. she also reblogs a lot of her gf’s photography. blue/purple/magenta theme, lots of stars
boris: body mod blog. boris reblogs lots of cool tattoos and piercings (including posting his own) and also gives advice on how to maintain them and being safe abt getting them
savino: already did savino’s blog
jupiter: fuckin tiny plant aesthetic alllll the way. he also posts kitties. his blog is very adorable and he giggles when he makes posts. in depth about. pastel green and white theme
crux: crux also has a plant/animal blog, but his blog is more like. dark spring and fat birds. pastel green and black theme and average about
florence: florence posts mostly anime and vocaloid but sprinkles selfies and personal posts in there. his theme is a puffy cloud on light blue sky bg with a rin sidebar bc she’s his fave
dmitri: he has a glow aesthetic blog. no personal posts or selfies, minimal about that exists solely in the sidebar. black grid bg on theme
axel: has a dark aesthetic blog. also likes some tech/glitch aesthetic on it. similar about and theme as his twin, changing only what is necessary
deimos: calligraphy blog. he took up calligraphy as a hobby early in life and the appreciation for it drove him to continue. navy blue/black theme
elios: book aesthetic/education blog. he posts links to websites that could help with school or just general knowledge. while the blog is mostly an archive for his own pleasure and organization others seem to enjoy it. dark red/black/white theme
xia: xia posts a loooot of selfies. he gets deimos and elios in them with him when he can bc he thinks they’re super cute and should show it off, however they dont agree. he also posts a lot of snakes and animals. minimal about and dark monochrome theme
alioth: aj would have a video game blog tbh. ae play most kinds of games; horror, fps, anime, rpg, all that jazz. ae may post selfies sometimes, but usually only when persuaded by ai, who finds aer very cute and selfie-worthy. dark theme, probably has a video game character icon
aeri: fashion blog. aer blog not only has general fashion, but also tips on making clothes and pictures of the stuff ae make/sell. blog is an integral part of aer clothing/cosplay commission business. cutesy lilac lace theme
ace: she would run a model appreciation blog. being one herself, she would want to support others. she would post selfies, but never ‘good’ selfies so they won’t be used for catfishing. black and light blue diamond bg for theme, lots of little crowns and white roses all over
io: music blog!! her blog would have a ton of audio posts and 8tracks posts on it. he would also post selfies of her in stage outfits and whatnot. io may also post samples of him singing on occasion. white and purple polka dot bg and stereotypical theme
aysel: relaxation/good vibes blog. he would post about aromatherapy and shit like that and be like. happy and shit. probably post a picture of an aloe plant. yeah. white grid bg and 300px posts ‘bc it looks nicer….’
seraphim: food/cute animal blog!! he would def keep his job away from his blog bc he thinks the cute animals and yummy food shouldn’t be tainted by strip club mannerisms. theme has lots of hearts, but other than that it changes a lot. in depth about and a bunch of links
cheren: cheren would post about shows he watches, books and comics he reads, how much he loves his friends and bf, normal ppl shit. he would have a nice aesthetic though. pretty museums, shiny castles, mysterious places. anything that stokes his curiosity. he’s weirdly good at coding, so he has the best theme. he doesnt rly post selfies bc he’s too self conscious and his about isnt too revealing for the same reason
zacharie: zacharie would post pictures of the sky everyday. morning, evening, and night photos. simple captions. simple theme. simple about. real simple, pleasant blog.
there that’s every human/half-human aka everyone capable of running a blog. im dead inside
i just got back from feeding/playing with my dad’s girlfriend’s cat twinkie and!! he’s rly fluffy and fat and has 7 toes on each foot so his footers are big but!! he was raised around 2 very young children who were mean to him so now he’s mean and i have booboos on my hands and they’re like small welts but. i love him he’s my Son
i have a bunch of funny stories but i can like. never remember them lmao uhhh okay once when i was like 6 i was at a fancy outdoor restaurant with my family and i had to go to the bathroom so my mom took me and on the way back i noticed a sea gull so i pointed at it and looked at my mom and said “hey a seagull! don’t you hate those fucking bastards?” and i think the icing on the cake was the fact that i was a cutesy sunshine-and-rainbows dress-wearing child who knew no evil and i just. fucking bastards
i did want to be friends though but then stuff happened so obviously we couldnt be?? i never ignored you ive been really busy and i hardly get on skype anyway? i never vagued you when did i do that. the other thing is bullshit because i explained that and you forgave me dont bring up things i did over half a year ago i HAVE changed i stopped telling people to die i stopped only caring about ciel im nowhere near as problematic as i was if i hadnt changed id still be hated by everyone lol. js.
you were the reason we couldnt be friends bc u kept vagueing my only other friend on instagram like constantly lol??? and neither do i but countless times youve been mad at me for not responding on skype when im never on lol and unless you can come back with a good reason that im a piece of shit that did something horribly wrong purposely then im just gonna stop replying bc ur ruining my blog tbh i have some standards u know
"you lie all the time" idk can you like give me some examples because idont thimk thats true
like about a week ago, maybe less, you said you loved me and still wanted to be friends but continued to ignore me and vague me and that one time you followed me under a new name on a new blog and when i asked if it was you you literally said no and blocked me when i confronted you about it and lets not forget when you said that you changed when you’re the exact same asshole you always were
i woke up bc i heard loud noises and voices and i thought one or both of my parents were up or that someone was over for some reason or that we had really loud neighbors but when i got downstairs it was none of those so i was like w/e and now i heard a weird distant-ish scream, loud struggling, and music started playing after that (like a distant radio) and ?? i guess its auditory hallucinations bc none of that is actually happening
