#textpo

[i-m-ghost-kissed-by-fire]

I love all characters in Thor: Ragnarok

Like Thor, Loki, Hala, Valkirie, Hulk... 

 and Jeff Goldblum 

[bulbeat]

Namjoon at the dentist

Dentist: ok, open up. Namjoon: sometimes I cry for no reason 

[hollistickly]

I fucking hate my ed because there are so many days where i just want to eat nuggets, sausage and many yummy but calorically huge food items.

[hollistickly]

When i was at the peak of my eating disorder, i hated myself SO SO MUCH. My perspective on love was skewed and I was always anxious and so fucking depressed. I had programmed my brain that I didn't need to eat or that it was too much of a hassle for someone like me to even think about eating.

I hated change. I hated my family. I hated what I couldn't control.

I still have that voice in my head that seeks control and some days, it wins and I restrict for days on end. Some days, I let myself be gentle with my body and ate what I needed to. But even so, at the peripheral of it- I still hated myself the most.

So I began to change things I hated about myself. My butt, my chubby face, my tummy, my arms, my legs- literally anything I could change. I was on meds and that just made me feel so dead inside while my body fought to keep me alive. Some days I vomited bile after continuous fasting. I just really hated myself and that meant I was also highly suicidal. I wanted to make myself pay by suffering. Dying from an ED was the only ways I thought of.

The end goal wasn't even to stay thin. I was just destroying my body. The real symptom was how I've always felt about myself. I wanted to die so much to the point I completely let myself be destroyed from within. I feel so sick of myself and I'm not sure if this feeling would one day go away but it's the only way I know how to cope with my feelings. I just feel so big in a world that makes me feel so small. I just thought I should disappear.

God. Im so tired. I really hate this.

[hollistickly]

Back on my relapse. It's so exhausting. Im actually kind of tired and done acting as if I've got my shit together. I am honestly drained of hearing problems and being anxious a lot for reasons that ugh, doesn't even kill me enough. Not anymore. And it makes me more volatile and disgusted at myself.

I ran around the house and up and down the stairs. I felt so sick of myself. I wanted to out run a part of myself that feels sick. I breath so hard my lungs feel like it's burst. It can't keep up. And my heart beats so fast and i feel like, this is it. Maybe I'll die this way.

I'm tired and scared of change. My brother is going away. Where's my money. Im losing sight of time. I'm relapsing and all i can control is what i eat and the weight I have. I'm so sick of it. Im so sick of everything. All I wanted to do is cry and heave and have a breakdown but even I'm denied of some sort of cathartic relief. I feel so sick.

[50skins-blog]

https://www.instagram.com/andrew.olf/?hl=en instagram

[camellia-girl]

I legit screamed when I saw that Spike and Annie post YESSSSS