I mean, it would be cool if I could be happy with people, but like, being alone actually seems like a nice concept to me right now. I use to be so scared to spend any time alone. Even if I didn't feel good I would jump if a friend asked if I wanted to hang out. I never gave myself time for me. I like time for me. It might sound selfish, but what the hell, I think I deserve time to figure out who I am and craft myself around who I want to be without the input of everyone around me. Of course I want to make people happy and make people like me, but shit I need to like me, too.
Also, I've noticed that I'm a lot less angry with my neighbors. Their loud shouts are almost a comfort to me now. To know that the girls in the room next to me are having fun and have enough energy to project their voices that way is fascinating to me and I hope I can find that energy again.
I'm tired of wasting all my energy in over-thinking and hiding. Jumping from place to place physically and mentally. Can I just for one second sit down and chill out? The answer to that is "yes." It is possible, I'm sure of it. It's beginning to start. I am still a far way from being completely there, but I think I can do it.
Luckily I have the holidays in a little over a week. I seriously cannot wait to be with my family and just be happy. To smile and laugh and play and dance and sing and cry about good stuff. I miss that. I can't wait until my life gets better, and I am proud to say I'm trying to take the steps to get there.