There’s still days where Kevin thinks he’s pointless without exy and that his value as a person is determined solely by how well he plays, and there’s still mornings after his team loses games where he can’t get out of bed, cant even move or breathe because he feels so horrible because his sense of self worth has always been so closely tied to his abilities on the court, and he can’t remember any reason that he should be alive except to win, and he feels like he’s let everyone down.
On these days,
Aaron wakes up second. He finds Kevin laying next to him, awake and unblinking as he stares blankly at the empty room
Aaron knows better than to leave Kevin alone. Knows better than to let him drink.
He gets out of bed, gets dressed, makes coffee because he knows the bitter liquid will treat kevin better today than the sweet/tart smoothies they usually make and share in the mornings.
while the coffee is brewing, he quietly calls and cancels his classes/work for the day, and clears Kevin’s schedule too.
Aaron puts on a fantasy movie because he knows that, despite fighting it at first, Kevin can’t help watching movies if they’re on, and hobbits and dragons are the farthest things from exy Aaron can find.
He runs his fingers through Kevin’s hair as they watch, rubs his shoulders gently, links their fingers together and absently brushes his lips along Kevin’s knuckles.
neither of them are particularly prone to verbal sentiments, preferring instead to bicker, knowing that the other always understands how they truly feel.
But on these days, Aaron tells Kevin that he loves him often, sometimes over and over until he’s sure the phrase has engraved itself in his boyfriend’s mind and he can see Kevin’s lips forming the words again and again, though without sound, like the taller boy is relearning them.
I love you I love you I love you
on these days, Aaron drags Kevin into the shower with him because he knows that letting yourself slip out of routine and trying to pull yourself back is a lot worse than just soldiering through the dark headspace.
He stands on his tiptoes to wash his boyfriend’s hair, wipes the soap out his eyes, peppers him with butterfly kisses.
touching is so important on these days:
the soft brush of Aaron’s fingers on his arm,
the constant and familiar weight of Aaron’s body next to him,
Aaron’s head resting on his lap on the couch and a warm breath on his knee.
Touches that remind Kevin that he is safe. That he is loved. That he is worthy, with or without exy.
On these days, being with Aaron feels a lot like winning.
