the fire lesbian chronicles, part 14 (part 13, part 12, part 11, part 10, part 9, part 8, part 7, part 6, part 5, part 4, parts 1, 2 and 3, part one rewritten + extra scenes)
falling face first into a pile of fresh-fallen snow hurts.
it’s also really really cold.
leah knew this, in theory.
but when one runs dramatically from an...ex...friend’s castle, not in a healthy emotional state, accidents are bound to happen.
so leah learns the hard way.
and since she is in a considerable state of distress, she does the first thing that comes to mind.
because setting yourself on fire, and resuming your run through the woods is an incredible idea. 10/10 thought process, leah, dove’s voice chides her.
“yeah, well,” she spits to herself, tripping over a branch, throwing herself to the ground again. “not everyone can be as....as analytical, and emotionally stable as you, dove.”
she picks up the branch, sets it on fire, and throws it as hard as she can into a wooded thicket; and keeps running.
she doesn’t really know why she’s running, only that she need to get away from the damned castle; and everything it holds and represents. i should’ve burned it. i should’ve set fire to the whole place.
maybe she could find hailee and convince her to kill hero after all.
but when she finally finds the clearing they fought in, she finds cal, unconscious in the snow.
actually, never mind. she doesn’t need to worry about her ex friend’s clone’s motives. unless she was trying to kill hero. in which, leah would happily let her.
yeah i get that but...why?
leah has a lot of voices in her head, telling her things. agents e and c, telling her not to lose control. cal, telling her hero needs her. dove, telling her she’s being stupid.
tessa, level-minded, smart, loving, tessa.
tessa, who cared about all of them, so, so much.
tessa, who leah got killed.
if we had just gone, she would be here.
hero, who points out her flaws. and tells her all the things she knows.
leah. hero doesn’t hate you. she lo-
“shut up, tessa. shut up. i don’t care, okay-, i don’t care, if i did i would have saved her but i can’t because i’m a coward and-” she slams her fists against the trunk of the nearest tree, setting it aflame, and uprooting it. she sends it into the heart of the forest.
“...leah?” leah doesn’t turn, still facing the forest; flames now growing, spreading from the tree she set on fire to the next, and the next, and the next. “leah, i need to talk to you.”
leah still doesn’t turn. “dove, do you know i hear you in my head sometimes?”
dove blinks. “no, i don’t. you never tell- you never told me anything.”
“because i can’t trust you.”
“because you never trust anyone.”
leah clenches her jaw, keeping her voice from rising. “i never can trust anyone.”
there are tears on her face, but fire in her eyes.
but not the smile of the girl, the girl in the field.
the girl in the field, who didn’t think of the past.
this is the smile of the girl who’s collar was taken off, the smile of the girl who released her fire on her enemy’s enemy.
this is the smile of code blue.
this is the smile of destruction.
“and look where it got me.”
dove takes a step back. “...leah, cal needs-”
leah waves her hand absently. “whatever.” dove tilts her head, and crosses her arms, taking back her step, and another. “you never could keep a level head when danger arises, and when others are in need, could you?”
leah punches her in the face.
ah, looks like she’s out cold. fantastic. maybe she’ll freeze to death. she thinks.
this is what i sacrificed everything for? for you to leave cal and dove to freeze and die, and for hero to be forever stuck in her nightmares?
leah smiles again, but it’s a sad smile, this time.
not the smile of code blue, not the smile of the girl in the field.
hero, who carried her secrets. hero, whos parents cloned her, and tried to kill her.
cal, who believed in her.
kate, chase, and jem, who looked up to her. who admired her.
leah thinks of all of them, so many, so many who didn’t see her as the monster she was.
she didn’t care enough about hero to save her.
she didn’t even think about cal, who was guarding hailee, alone.
she hadn’t given a second though to dove, who had been her best friend.
“yes, tessa.” she murmurs.
the fire has spread completely, now. leah stands at the edge of it, but it cannot touch her, cannot burn her, cannot take hold of her, like everything else.
the fire is her, her soul, her mind, her body.
“i would say i’m sorry, but i’m not.”
leah steps into her soul, embracing the flame.
she wishes she was a pureblooded xonarian, like hero.
she wishes she was human, like her parents.
she is nothing but a failed experiment.
she burns everything she touches, but she can’t burn herself.
“you picked the wrong girl to defend, tessa.”
and in a way, she was telling hero:
you picked the wrong girl to love.
