Bless your soul for sending me something for this. Even more so for making it Jotakak. Ahh;;;;I haven’t written in a long while and it’s the first time properly trying for this ship but I hope you like it. I took a very lame approach to the prompt //rolls//
5. things you didn’t say at all
We had an unspoken understanding, you and I - one which the others couldn’t quite comprehend. Without words we could answer each other and hold entire conversations through looks alone. The slightest flicker in your expression never went unnoticed to me and told me more than your words ever could. It was something only we had - something special.
On quiet nights alone in those cramped, less than satisfactory hotel rooms we never needed to say much. Our silences were never awkward, never forced. They were a welcome respite from the chaos of the day - all the fighting and travelling and loud complaints from Polnareff about how he was running out of sunscreen.
Calm and content, we never really needed to say a word but if ever I did you always listened and even if you never voiced a response your face answered for me regardless… and you knew that didn’t you? Of course you did.
In truth, I take a lot of comfort in these silent conversations, these secret exchanges that take place when our eyes meet fleetingly for a moment and disclose all that needs said without wasting breath or thought on composing words. It’s an understanding so mutual that I could almost fool myself into thinking I’ve known you all my life - as if you knew me just about as well as I knew myself. I wonder if you realise how long I wanted something like that… Maybe you do. Maybe you’ve been waiting for it too…
I smile to myself and turn to look at where you lie with your back turned, the curls of your dark hair exposed now that your hat lies forgotten on the ground beside you, your right hand surely tucked beneath your head like a pillow whilst your other drapes itself loosely over your waist.
I frown slightly, noticing the tension in your hand - the way your knuckles have paled as your fingers tightly grip the back of your own shirt. You’re awake right now aren’t you, Jotaro…?
Almost as if you sense my stare you shift, lifting your head and peering briefly back over your shoulder before fumbling for your cap and propping it back on your head, pulling the brim low over your eyes as you roll onto your back and release a sigh.
You avoid meeting my stare. Perhaps you fear your eyes will betray your feelings, expose the weakness of your soul that only shows itself at hours like these when the mind has time to think and ponder, but I don’t need to see that to understand. Maybe it’s intuition - maybe I know you too well by now - but I can sense your worries and frustrations. I can sense your agitation at how slowly this journey is progressing and how anxious you are to get to Egypt and get this whole mess dealt with. You might like to pretend otherwise but you can’t fool me, Jotaro. Your mother was right after all. Deep down, you’re a much more caring person than you let on.
I don’t say anything - I know you don’t want to talk about it anyway - but I reach out my hand slowly and let my fingers find yours. They’re still balled into a fist, still battling against whatever’s going on in your mind but you’ll be damned if you’re going to let it show. You really are a lot more like your mother than you think you are.
I smile faintly and carefully unfurl your fist, lacing our digits together and pressing my palm against yours. It’s warm, as it always is.
You still keep your gaze averted, still keep yourself to yourself, but I can feel your tension fade a touch as I give your hand a gentle squeeze. It’s not much. It doesn’t need to be. It’s just there to let you know I’m here and I understand and you don’t need to say anything. I understand. It’s there as a reassurance - a wordless promise that it will be okay and we will get everything done in time. We will.
You breathe out slowly, your fingers adjusting their position in my hand to suit your preference and I watch you quietly for a while, seeing that strong resolve return to your eyes even though you think I can’t see them beneath the brim of your hat.
I smile fondly and give your hand another firm squeeze, thumb brushing across your knuckles slowly and soothingly and your fingers move to do the same and the touch is so feather-soft and tender that it would seem hard to believe it was coming from you if I hadn’t already experienced it several times before. I shiver faintly and smile, a comforting warmth rising to my cheeks and I glance up from our intertwined hands to find your stare fixed upon me now and fleetingly I wonder whether you can see my skin reddening in this light - whether my complexion has begun to match my hair.
There’s a rare softness to your face that I wonder just how many other people have ever been fortunate enough to see. I could possibly guess the figure wouldn’t even use up all the digits of one hand if I were to count them and the knowledge of that makes something flutter happily deep inside, like I’m being blessed with something special right now. Your eyes are smiling, the moonlight dancing in them, sparkling as if on the surface of a sea that’s not quite green but not quite blue either and I hold your gaze evenly, seeing the unspoken gratitude within it along with everything else you might not be intending to show.
I want to kiss you, to shuffle across those last few inches that separate us and press my lips to yours but I hold myself and keep that thought locked away - for now at least. I don’t doubt the things I’ve seen in your eyes or felt through your touches but I’m certain they were things you didn’t count on me noticing - at least not yet. Maybe you’re still pondering as I was over what to call this, this closeness that we have without words. Do you just consider this part of our friendship or is there more to it than that in your eyes too? Until you figure that out, I’ll wait as long as I have to. I’ll hold your hand as long as it takes for you to work out why you’re holding mine just as tight.
Glancing down again at our two hands, watching your thumb continue to glide slowly across my knuckles I wonder whether you actually already do know…
I meet your gaze again and I see that your lips are now ever-so-slightly upturned in the faintest of smiles. Your eyes are positively shining, full of strength and determination and a strange look of fondness I’ve never seen you use before. You squeeze my hand tightly, a firm and certain grip, and you turn your face to the heavens, tilting your cap low over your brow once more but it does nothing to obscure that smile that’s still gracing your features and as I watch you I swear your ears have pinkened slightly - though in this light I can’t tell for sure.
Regardless, I smile knowingly and return the squeeze, holding it a fraction longer than necessary and quietly uttering in my mind the answer to what your eyes and hands just told me.
