CeCe had way too much going on to be home alone right now. Ever since Alejandría had had the audacity to show up at her apartment the other night, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Usually, she would’ve at least had work to help take her mind off of everything, but given the nature of her job, and how it required her to literally break through people’s skin, her boss said there was no way she could come in until she felt 100% better. No matter how much she tried to convince him that she did, her croaky voice betrayed her, so now CeCe had to resort to walking around in the dark like a loner, and eventually found herself at the local park.
It was Saturday night, so there were teens hanging out probably way past their curfew, drinking from a bottle of cheap cider that probably had a lower alcohol content than Coca Cola, but CeCe forced herself not to laugh as she passed by them, listening to them talking about how drunk they were. She wanted a little peace and quiet, somewhere to smoke the prior rolled joint that sat hidden away in her pocket, so was headed for the seating area where she assumed nobody would be. Though, upon approach, through the darkness, her eyes squinted at a familiar figure.
“Artie?” she questioned, walking a little closer. She could see a bottle in his hand, and her brows knitted together. It wasn’t uncommon for people to drink underage—just take the group of no more than fourteen year olds that she’d just passed by as an example—but something in her told her it was unusual to see Artie drinking. Especially alone. With a frown, she made her way to the bench beside him, sitting herself down. “Everything okay?”
NOTES ➝ Alexa doesn’t feel well and Dani can tell something’s up.
Lexi didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up. It wasn’t so much the hiding what had happened part, but more so the part where she didn’t feel like herself anymore. She missed herself, she wanted herself back, but she’d been lost ever since that night, and it really was killing her. The fact that she’d even been making it to classes had been a miracle, though her head definitely wasn’t in the game at all, and she’d been working as little as possible. Fortunately, her boss was always happy to work around her schedule, so Lexi had layered the topic of finals on very thick, and Frank had cut back her hours at her request. She’d only worked three times since it’d all happened, and they’d been short shifts, where Alexa’s mind had been totally elsewhere, and she’d stuck to walking around in her underwear and bringing drinks to tables, rather than actually dancing, and giving lap dances was completely out of the question for her. Frank hadn’t pushed, which she was grateful for. She was also grateful for a weekend off, and could really think of nothing better than lounging around with her girlfriend and their dogs like they were right now. Alexa was curled into Dani, while the dogs played on the floor, her eyes on the TV, though she wasn’t paying much attention. One big issue ever since it had happened was that, no matter what she did, she always felt dirty. She’d showered once today while Dani had been out, and couldn’t resist the urge she had to go scrub herself clean again now. “Babe,” she tilted her head back to look up at her girlfriend, giving her a soft smile, “I’m gonna go shower, okay? I’m not really paying attention to this, but you can tell me if I miss anything exciting.” She pushed herself upright, turning back to the other girl and pressing a small kiss to the corner of her mouth. “I’ll be quick.
Dani was never really good at telling when something was wrong. Unless someone was to tell her exactly what was going on, she would assume that everything was fine. It was different with Lexi. There was something that didn't feel quite tight, although Dani couldn't put her finger on it. Things around the house seemed as normal as usual. Other than the fact that they hadn't sex since before their last fight. At first Dani had been worried that Lexi was still pissed, but she didn't seem like she was. Then she started to wonder if she was making it up on her head. It was close to the end of the school year, everyone was worried about finals. It wouldn't be so weird if they focused on that for now. It still didn't seem right, though. Not that she had told that to her girlfriend. Truth be told, she didn't know how to bring it up. What was she supposed to say? That she felt a disturbance in the force? She might as well accept that she's probably just paranoid. With the two of them being cuddled up together now, she didn't feel like anything was wrong. The whole sex thing very well could be because they're busy with other things. Which is fine. Shit happens and that's totally cool with Dani. Still, when her girlfriend stood up to say she was taking a shower, she wasn't going to pass up on in the opportunity. "Well, actually." She said, pushing herself up quickly. "I'm not really paying attention to this, either, so I wouldn't be much help." She shrugged. "I would totally be a lot more help if I joined you."
Lexi missed plenty of other things about how she was before everything had happened, not just herself. She missed being able to be close to Dani without flinching whenever the other girl so much as brushed her hand a little too close to her chest, and she really missed sex with her. What had happened definitely hadn’t made her less attracted to her girlfriend. She wished so badly that she could just climb on top of her and start fucking her, but she was scared that Dani would reciprocate. The thought of being touched terrified her, and Lexi wasn’t willing to risk it. She was sure Dani would start to question her soon, but so far, she’d been in the clear. Finals were keeping everybody busy, so if her girlfriend was to ask, that would be her excuse. For now, she was just going to continue as she was, and hope that the subject didn’t come up. It was probably stupid of her to even mention showering; she should’ve gotten up, said she’d be right back, then gone in her own bathroom and locked the door. Of course Dani was going to want to join her if she knew where she was going, and Lexi really couldn’t blame her. Truth be told, she wanted her to join her, too. She just didn’t want what it would lead to. The moment of panic she felt when her girlfriend began to sit up too was something she was able to quickly hide, and instead just smiled as she looked at her. “You’re cute. I don’t know if I really feel like it, though,” she said, now frowning. “Not you coming with me, I just mean I don’t know if I feel like showering anymore. Sitting up kind of made my head spin,” she lied, “I think I need to just lay back down. And since neither of us are watching this, maybe we could just turn it off, go lay in one of our beds and get our cuddle on?”
Dani: me raised her eyebrow in confusion. Lexi had never turned her down before, so that was the last thing she had expected her to say. Or maybe she wasn't exactly turning her down, but it was really weird that she suddenly didn't want to get into the shower. Dani had gotten up just as quickly and she didn't feel dizzy. Although, that might not mean anything. Lexi could be sick for all she knew. The thought made her frown, because she really didn't know. Something didn't feel right and that frustrated her. "Oh." She mumbled, throwing herself back. She didn't know what else to say, but she wasn't about to throw a fit because her girlfriend didn't want to shower with her. Ouch. Thinking about it like that kind of stung. "Yeah, sure. We can do that." She said, forcing herself up to turn off the tv. She was okay with cuddling, so that was no big deal, but she still thought it was really weird. Lexi changed her mind really quick. So quick that Dani didn't really believe her when she said it wasn't because she wanted to join her. She seemed all for it until then. "Whose room are we going to? We can always go to mine, but be warned; it's a mess. Ya know, like always."
Lexi was better at reading Dani than Dani was at reading her, and she could tell that she definitely didn't believe her. The way she reacted made it obvious, and Alexa felt terrible. It wasn't Dani's fault that this had happened to her. It wasn't anyone's fault but her own; if she wasn't working the escort job on the side, this would've never happened. It was karma finally getting her back, she was sure of it. Still, that wasn't her girlfriend's fault, and it made Lexi feel like shit that the other girl was suffering for it. She wasn't sure whether it was because she was lying and feeling bad about it, or if she was just imagining it, but she started to feel a little nauseous out of nowhere. She tried to ignore it, though, and instead held out her hand to the other girl once she'd turned off the TV. "I'm not feeling brave enough to deal with the aftermath of hurricane Dani right now," she teased, taking her girlfriend's hand, "Let's go with my room." Lexi didn't want to overcompensate, but she also didn't want Dani to know something was wrong, so squeezed onto her hand gently, tugging her closer. "Have I told you today how much I love you?" She asked in a softer voice, pouting her lips and pointing to them for Dani to kiss her.
Dani had to force a laugh at the 'hurricane Dani' thing. She usually liked the teasing, so she wouldn't have to fake anything if she didn't have something on her mind. Mostly trying to figure out what was going on with her girlfriend. She hated feeling like something was wrong and not knowing what it was, but she was paranoid now. Or maybe it wasn't nothing. Maybe there was something going it. It was the not knowing that would drive her crazy. If she continued to feel this way, she would demand some answers. The only reason she wasn't now was because, it could still be nothing at that point. At least Lexi didn't seem upset about anything, so Dani could let it go for now and go to bed with her. "No." She smiled softly, shaking her head before she leaned on to kiss her. "I love you, too. Now let's go lay down. I'm suddenly feeling tired." She lied, leading Lexi to her room. She didn't feel the least bit tired, but she wanted to lay down with her girlfriend. She would at least feel a little better if they were cuddled up again. That was always comforting, even when Lexi was the one confusing her.
Lexi could tell the small laugh was fake, and as much as it sucked to know all of this was obviously bothering her girlfriend, she at least appreciated her trying to act like things were okay. Alexa knew how unhealthy this all was; all of the faking around one another, but right now, it was necessary for her, so she was in no position to tell Dani to stop it. At least the smile looked genuine when she’d paused to tell her she loved her, and Lexi’s words were definitely true. Her feelings for the other girl were something she didn’t have to fake, nor was her own smile when she felt her girlfriend’s lips against her own. “I love you,” she said softly, kissing back. The kiss didn’t last as long as she would’ve liked it to, but at least they were still touching as Dani led the way up to her room, with Lexi lacing their fingers. Usually, she would’ve been doing flirty little things now, like reaching out to grab her girlfriend’s butt, or pulling her back to start kissing her neck from behind, her hands wandering inside of her shirt or just slightly slipping inside of her pants, but Alexa couldn’t even face the thought of that now. She wanted to be like that with Dani so badly; she just didn’t dare to let her be the same way back. Holding her hand, though, she could do, so it sucked to have to let go once they’d reached her room, but it was necessary. “I’m just gonna change real quick, but if you’re tired, you should lay down,” she said, offering the other girl a small smile as she headed for her pajama drawer. She grabbed a gray tank and pajama shorts, hoping that Dani wouldn’t question the fact that she wasn’t just going to strip down to her underwear—or even less—like she usually would, and disappeared into her bathroom, locking the door behind her, before her girlfriend could even stop her. It was pathetic that she was too scared to change in front of the person she loved, and Lexi really hated herself for it.
Dani had never been the best at reading people. Unless they were someone she was close with, she didn't care enough to try. Since she cared about Lexi more than anyone, she could definitely tell when something felt off. And things felt way off. The problem was, Dani wasn't sure if she even wanted to know. She could be good at living in denial. She could brush off her problems as her just being paranoid, but how long would all of that really last? She honestly didn't know. She wished that she did, because at least then she would have some sort of plan. If she was smart, she would think of a way to bring this up. That way they can talk things out rationally, even if it was just to reassure Dani that things were okay. Unfortunately, doing things rationally had never really been her style. She was the kind of person who would bottle things up until she exploded. Why? Who really knew. She was just set in her ways now. At the very least, that meant that she could lay with her girlfriend and pretend that everything was okay. It wasn't exactly ideal, but if Lexi had something to say, she could just say it. Dani wasn't going to push her. She pouted when Lexi let go of her hand, already missing the contact. "Fine. Just change quickly." When it came to her girlfriend, Dani of course wanted to be around her, but lately she felt this need to cling to her. Probably because she was getting this vibe that she was pulling away. It certainly didn't help when her girlfriend grabbed her clothes and went straight for the bathroom. That was really fucking weird. Since when did she need to go to another room to change? This would hardly be the first time she's changed in front of Dani. "Okay, then...." She mumbled, sighing in confusion as she threw herself into the bed. Whatever was going on was starting to feel really bad. It was killing Dani that she didn't know what it was. She knew one thing for sure, though. She better not hear her girlfriend turn on that damn shower.
Lexi knew that none of this was fair to Dani. She hadn’t asked for this. Neither had Alexa, or at least not in so many words. This was more her fault than it was her girlfriend’s, though, so it really did kill her to know how much she was either hurting or confusing her. Maybe both, in fact. She tried her hardest not to think about the look on her girlfriend’s face as she disappeared into the bathroom, her heart racing until the door was locked. This was so pathetic. Dani would never hurt her, she’d never do anything to make her uncomfortable. Yet, here she was, hiding her body away from her. The shower was right there, and Lexi considered jumping in, but she decided against it. If Dani wasn’t already questioning everything, she was sure as soon as she heard the water running, that’d screw everything up. So, instead, she quickly changed out of her clothes and into her pajamas, tossing the clothes into the hamper, then headed back out to the bedroom. She hoped how fast she was would help a little bit, and forced a bright smile as soon as she was in the room again. “Hi,” she greeted, climbing onto the bed and laying down on her back with her head on the pillows, though she turned her face towards her girlfriend, just looking at her for a moment. Dani really was beautiful, and Lexi would honestly dare to say she was probably the best thing to have ever happened to her. That thought had started an inward battle with herself lately about whether she should end things with her, because this wasn’t fair to her. She couldn’t, though. Maybe she was selfish, but she just couldn’t let her go. “Come cuddle with me,” she eventually whispered, holding out her hand, “You’re too far away.”
Dani would be lying if she said she wasn't tempted to just go to her own room. There were only so many things she could let go before she snapped. If she thought she was paranoid before; that was slowly fading away right now. It was easy to blame some things on stress and finals, so that's what she had done at first. They two of them were busy, things would be better come summertime. That made sense. Or it used to make sense. That didn't exactly explain why Lexi seemed so jumpy, or why she couldn't do something as simple as change in front of Dani. That's what was really weird. If she didn't want to shower with her, that was one thing. It was still confusing for Dani, but she wasn't going to be pushy about it. Changing in front of her, though? That shouldn't even be a big deal. It never had been before. They were having sex way before they were even together, so it's not like she was hiding something that Dani had never seen before. Unless she wasn't just changing in there, but Dani dismissed that thought as quickly as she had it. What the hell else could she be doing? Even if she was hiding something, which Dani was sure she was, she was out of that bathroom too quickly to be up to something. At least, that's what Dani had told herself. Truth be told, she was just trying to make sense of everything. That was probably the worst thing she could do, because her own thoughts and conclusions could be much worse than what it actually was. Or she could be right and it was something bad. If Lexi had taken even a second longer, Dani probably would have left to her room. The laying there and wondering was really freaking her out. Still, despite the fact that she was confused by all of this, she did her best to act okay as she waited for her girlfriend to join her. As her girlfriend held her hand out to her, she moved without even thinking twice. "Am I too far away?" She asked, raising her eyebrow. The question didn't stop her from moving closer, since she wanted to be next to her, but she couldn't even be sure if the feeling was mutual. Not when she could practically feel her girlfriend pulling away from her.
Lexi was half waiting for the other girl to ask her why she’d changed in there, so she thanked whoever was looking down on her for the fact that she wasn’t questioned. She really wouldn’t have had an excuse. She would’ve thought of something, sure, but the thought of flat out lying to her girlfriend even more so than she already was made her stomach turn. She already felt nauseous, so she didn’t need to unintentionally make it worse for herself. Lexi expected laying down to help the way she was feeling, though it didn’t. If anything, it just made her feel even more sick, though she tried to ignore it, telling herself it was just in her head, and that she needed to focus on Dani. That was easy to do when her girlfriend moved closer to her, and Alexa’s smile was a genuine one once she had her in her arms. “That’s better,” she mumbled, closing her eyes for a second as she pulled Dani closer, her other arm wrapping around her. The motion of her eyes closing had her head spinning a little bit, which was weird, but at least she had Dani to distract her once she’d opened them again. “Hey,” she said softly, bringing one arm from around the other girl and using it to brush her fingers through a strand of blonde hair, which she tucked behind her ear, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately. School is just stressing me out a little bit.” That wasn’t a lie; finals always sucked. It wasn’t the whole reason, though. She brushed her fingers gently through Dani’s hair again, keeping her eyes on her face. “I promise that everything’s okay, though. When I tell you I love you, I mean it. I really do love you, and I’ll happily keep telling you until you’re completely sick of me.”
Dani wanted to believe everything that Lexi was saying. Being cuddled up like this was comforting at least, but that didn't mean that she believe everything was okay. She knew what she was feeling and it most definitely wasn't okay. Even if she didn't know exactly what that was, she knew that okay wasn't it. She wanted to know why that was. Why things felt so differently all of a sudden. Things between them were good, as far as she had been aware. They were happy and in love. Things had never been perfect, of course, because no relationship was. It just never felt like this, though. It was feelings like this that made Dani want to escape. To go away and forget about her problems for a bit. She knew that thinking that way had been dangerous. There was a time where escaping her problems could have cost her life. It had been a long time since she felt this way. Like she could go out for a bit and it wouldn't be a big deal, but that was a lie. It would be a big deal. Going out didn't just mean going out for her. It could, if she was in the right state of mind, but not when she was escaping her problems. There was only one reason to go out then. "Um, yeah..." She trailed off, trying to force herself to focus on the girl next to her. She had been in her head and that wasn't good. Not with what she had been thinking lately. "It's fine. I know the end of the year is stressful. It's really no big deal." She shrugged. Now it felt like they were both lying to each other, and they had to know it, but only one of them knew why. And one wasn't Dani. "I love you, too. So much it kinda scares me." She chuckled, although it wasn't exactly a joke. It wasn't a lie. It was because she loved her so much that she was worried about what was going on. Whatever it was, it didn't feel like normal stress. It felt like something bigger. Dani wasn't sure if she could handle that.
Lexi had no room to feel upset that Dani was lying to her, which she very obviously was when she said that it was no big deal, since she could tell that was anything but the truth. But, regardless, it made her feel like crap, but there was nothing she could do about it. She could only hope that laying here with her like this and trying to reassure her that everything was okay would help some, though she figured it probably didn’t. She wasn’t really getting much of a reaction from her, other than what seemed like forced words, but again, Lexi was in no position to say anything, so she stayed quiet, just continuing to play with her girlfriend’s hair. “I’m sorry that it scares you,” she said in a soft voice, her lips curving into a small, genuine smile again, “I’m not sorry that you love me so much, though.” Lexi could be very handsy, especially when it came to Dani, so she needed to try to remind herself not to let her fingers trail away from where they were, but she was okay with letting them slip to her chin so she could gently take ahold of it to move her face closer. She leaned in to close the small gap between them, pressing her lips to the other girl’s. It was a bad idea, because now that her lips were against her girlfriend’s, she didn’t want to pull away. She decided not to fight the urge she had to keep going, and instead cupped Dani’s cheek, parting her lips a little to deepen their kiss. She just had to hope her girlfriend didn’t think of it as anything more than kissing, that was all. Lexi couldn’t give her any more than that right now, and she was afraid that she’d struggle to stop herself if Dani tried.
Dani smiled softly at her girlfriend. Even if things felt off right now, she never once doubted that her girlfriend loved her. It didn't fix whatever it was that was going on, but at least she felt some comfort in it. She had been questioning a lot lately, but that really wasn't one of them. No matter what happened, she just hoped that it stayed that way. They were obviously going through some sort of rough patch right now, but whatever it was, she figured that they could eventually move past it. It would probably take some time, considering that she still didn't even know what it was. Despite not being a religious person, she found herself asking whoever was up there to help them fix this fast. Dani didn't like that she had already been thinking about getting high. On her best days, she managed to brush it off. On her worst days, she found herself wondering what's the worst that could happen? That was dangerous thinking. And she absolutely did not blame her girlfriend for that, but this weird situation they were in wasn't helping her at all. Not that she would ever tell Lexi that. She hadn't gotten high since before she even met her girlfriend, so even if Lexi had been aware of Dani's addiction, it wasn't exactly something that she had to deal with. Dani never wanted for Lexi to see her high. She hadn't, yet, and if she could help it; she never would. Fortunately, when her girlfriend kissed her, it was easy for her to focus on other things. Like actually just laying here and kissing her. She kissed back instantly, reaching her hand out to wrap it around her girlfriend. It was odd, how this girl could confuse her and comfort her at the same time, but she would take it. As long as she got to be close to her. As strange as it seemed, that's what she felt like she needed right now.
Lexi really wished, more than anything, that she didn't feel this way. Well, no, she wished that whole thing had never happened that had made her feel this way, but that wasn't something she could control. She couldn't turn back time. She could, however, force herself to feel better, right? So why wasn't it working? It was just so unfair, because she could feel this pulling her relationship apart, and it had nothing to do with them. It was also conflicting, because Lexi felt so comforted being this close to Dani, and loved kissing her so much, but a part of it terrified her, too. The thought of it leading elsewhere scared her, and that made her feel worse than anything. Regardless, she couldn't pull away. She felt like she hadn't kissed Dani, at least not really kissed her, in way too long, and she was feeling too relieved to stop. Her girlfriend's arm wrapping around her made her feel both scared and safe, and Lexi wondered if she could help herself. Maybe if she didn't feel trapped, if she wasn't laid underneath her, she wouldn't get those flashbacks of that stupid night in her head, where she was stuck underneath him, pinned down and not strong enough to move him away from her. Her lips continued to press to her girlfriend's as Alexa slowly moved her body, pushing herself up until she was able to put one leg over her Dani's thighs, straddling her lap, and leaning down to keep their lips connected. This was okay. She could stop things happening from up here. She just needed more of her girlfriend, that was all. This was good. This was more.
Dani didn't know how things could go from bad to good in the matter of seconds, but as her girlfriend moved on top of her, all she could think about was how good that they were. She had no idea if that was healthy or not, but then again, she wasn't sure if she actually cared. All she wanted was to feel like things were okay between the two of them. This might not fix anything and she knew that. Dani wasn't an expert on relationships, so most of the time she was either confused or the one fucking up. It had taken awhile for her to even feel like she knew what she was doing. Still, even when she messes something up, she could tell right away. Or Lexi would at least tell her what that was, so she knew that it wasn't her who did something. Not this time. A part of her wanted to push her girlfriend off and demand answers. There was something she wasn't telling her and she needed to know now. She couldn't bring herself to do that, though. In fact, the only thing she wanted to be doing was touching her girlfriend. It felt like she hadn't done that in a long time. Just a couple of days without it felt wrong. They were in love, they lived together; how were they supposed to keep their hands off each other? That's exactly what she was thinking as she moved her hands to her girlfriend's hips, moving them slowly up her body as they continued to kiss. She was touching her as if this had been the first time, because for some reason, she felt like she had to take advantage of the moment. Like even more time would go by without them touching each other. And it wasn't just a sexual thing, although Dani had missed that. It was more than that. All she wanted was to touch her. In whatever way she could. She wanted to feel close to her again, because she sure hadn't been feeling like she was lately.
Lexi knew she needed to stop this inward battle she was having with herself. Dani had done nothing wrong, so the fact that she found the feeling of something as innocent as her hands resting on her hips to be both so scary and so inviting was really screwing with her head. She wanted to keep kissing her, and she didn’t plan to stop, but then her girlfriend’s hands started moving up her body, and that internal panic took over again. He’d done that. He’d had his hands all over her, and it didn’t matter what Alexa had done to try to make him stop, it hadn’t mattered. He’d continued to touch her, like he had any right to. It didn’t matter to him how much she’d cried or begged him to stop, he hadn’t. Then here was Dani; her girlfriend, who had every right to explore her body the way she was, and Lexi was on the verge of a panic attack. She’d kept on kissing her, but now she couldn’t. The movement of her lips against the other girl’s had slowed, and Lexi could feel her heart hammering in her chest, her palms growing sticky, her whole body reacting in the exact opposite way that it should to Dani’s touch. She felt sick all over again, but she tried to tell herself silently that it was all in her mind. She almost had herself convinced, until she had to quickly pull away, sitting up on top of the other girl for just a second or two, before her hand came up to cover her mouth, and Alexa had to hurriedly climb off of her girlfriend, and the bed, then make a run for the bathroom, where she proceeded to throw up the moment she’d reached the toilet.
Dani had practically stopped all her movements when she felt her girlfriend slowing down. The second she felt like she was the only one into this, she stopped her hands and pulled them away. How or even why things had changed within those few second, she didn't know. It was starting to feel normal between them again. Like everything was okay, at least for a few seconds. Then Lexi was pulling away from her, and before Dani could even think about questioning her, she was out of the bed and running towards the bathroom. Now that was unexpected. It didn't take much time for her to jump out of the bed herself, rushing behind her girlfriend to see if she was okay. She frowned as she watched her throw up. When Lexi had mentioned feeling dizzy earlier, Dani thought she was using that as an excuse not to shower with her. Now she felt kind of bad, because apparently she was sick. She reached her hand out and placed it on her girlfriend's back, rubbing it gently as she used the other hand to brush her hair behind her ear. Throwing up was nasty enough without getting vomit in your hair. "You're okay, baby." She whispered, trying to be somewhat helpful to her sick girlfriend. Whether she actually was or not, she had no idea. It wouldn't be the first time she took care of a sick Lexi, though, so she was confident that she was doing okay at least.
Lexi really had felt dizzy, and she really had felt sick, but she honestly thought it was all in her head, because she was lying to her girlfriend and that in itself made her uncomfortable. It made her feel queazy. She really hadn’t expected to literally have to run and throw up, though, so it surprised her a little that she now found herself hanging over the toilet puking. She heard Dani’s footsteps quickly following behind her, and despite wanting to send her away to save grossing her out, she really was grateful for the comfort. She couldn’t really talk to thank her, given what she was doing, but at least with Dani moving her hair out of the way for her, she had less to focus on, and had soon managed to stop. She stayed where she was, though, just in case, and kneeled down on the floor. Her whole body felt hot, and Lexi felt anything but attractive as she brought her hand up to her forehead to brush her hair back from it. “I’m so sorry,” she sighed, shaking her head. Her voice sounded croaky and strained, though that was only to be expected. Alexa slowly moved from kneeling to sitting, feeling kind of weak and dizzy all over again. She looked over at her girlfriend, giving her an embarrassed kind of smile. “Thank you. I’m pretty sure watching me throw up was not how you intended that make out session to end. I know I definitely didn’t.”
Dani felt guilty for being annoyed with her girlfriend before, because she hadn't believed her when she said that she was feeling dizzy. Even if she felt like something was off, it was obvious now that Lexi hadn't been lying about that. You can fake dizziness all you want, but you can't fake throwing up, especially when Dani was right there and saw the whole thing. She continued to rub her back, knowing that there wasn't much else she could do for her now. Dani didn't know if she ate something that didn't agree with her, or if maybe she had some sort of flu, but she did know that if she was throwing up like this; she had to get it all out of her system. It was an awful feeling and she knew it. There had been plenty of times where someone held Dani's hair back while she threw up. Those were usually results or drinking, though. That didn't change the fact that it felt awful. And gross, but she wasn't about to say that. By the look on her girlfriend's face, she was embarrassed enough as it was. "Hey, don't be sorry." She said softly, moving as her girlfriend did, sitting next to her to wrap an arm around her. "No, it's not, but that's okay. It's not your fault that you're sick. We can end our next make out session the right way." She teased, giving her girlfriend a smirk that she hoped would make her laugh. Dani had never been good at comforting someone, but she meant it when she said that it was okay. Lexi didn't have a reason to be embarrassed. Dani cared more about her health than anything else. "Are you feeling better now? I can get you something if you need me to. Just name it."
Lexi was hating this more and more every minute. She hated keeping things from her girlfriend. She hated being scared to be touched by her girlfriend. She hated throwing up in front of her girlfriend. Not one part of it had been fun, but at least Dani hadn't run away in horror. It wasn't like it was a rarity for one of them to be holding the other's hair back as they threw up, but that was usually after they'd been drinking a little too much. Unfortunately, Lexi couldn't blame this on drinking. It was weird, though. It didn't feel like a bug. It was almost like when she'd get a migraine after not wearing her glasses for a while, only a little more sudden. Either way, if anyone was going to be able to make her feel better in this situation, it was Dani. As usual, the other girl didn't disappoint, and despite how weak throwing up had made her feel, Lexi couldn't help but smile at the smirk on her face. "You're kind of perfect, did you know that?" She laughed softly, leaning into her arm. She closed her eyes, taking comfort in just being there with Dani. "I do feel a little better, yeah. I think it might just be a migraine coming on or something," she frowned, pulling back to brave standing up.. very slowly. She wasn't trying to make herself dizzy again. "Just you," she said in response to her girlfriend's offer, "and maybe a bottle of water? I'm gonna get cleaned up, then I'll meet you back in bed so I can lay there pathetically while you cuddle me. Then maybe I'll feel better in the morning." She reached for her girlfriend's hand, wanting to pull her in and kiss her, but she figured she should wait until she'd brushed her teeth for that. "Thank you," she said softly, settling for just gently squeezing her hand for now, "I meant what I said, you really are perfect, Dani." And one day, she'd be able to show her again, too.
Cassie could barely believe the last 24 hours had actually happened. She hadn’t even been expecting to have the baby yet, she wasn’t due for another week. So, she definitely hadn’t expected to be coming home with a baby in tow today. In fact, she hadn’t expected to be bringing a baby home at all. Laura and Darren were upset about the news that Cassie wouldn’t be giving them her baby, but they understood, and were actually pretty supportive. They gave her the couple cute little outfits they’d brought, along with the baby seat for the car to take her home in. As for furniture, though, Cassie and Patrick’s house had nothing for a baby in it. So, Cassie had spent the entire day on her phone in the hospital bed ordering all of the big items they would need; a crib, a dresser, a changing station, drawers, etc. She’d paid for same day delivery, and everything had been waiting for them once she and Patrick had gotten home with Evie. Now they just had to build it all up… Or, Patrick did. Cassie was busy refusing to put her baby down, and cradled her closely as she made her way to the room that would be the nursery to see how Patrick was doing. “How’s it going in here?” she asked, hovering in the doorway and watching her friend with a soft, content smile. He’d been so amazing this whole time. Cassie wasn’t sure she’d still have her head above water without him.
Patrick was sitting on the floor, his legs spread out, trying to put one piece of something, together with another piece of something; whatever this turned out to be, was going to amaze the guy. At least, he hoped it would turn out, the way it looked like on the guide. Cursing softly to himself as he got his fingers stuck between the pieces, Patrick couldn't help but actually feel content, even though he looked tired. With no sleep for the past 36 hours and a surprising turn of events at the hospital, things had been stressful. He had tried to help Cassie the best that he could through the birth of the baby, and when she decided to keep the girl and bring her home with them, the two suddenly got very busy. While they had guests in the house, they also now had a baby, who needed various things that Cassie had bought. Now, Patrick was trying to assemble all of it, in pure frustration over the fact that the guide didn't show what to do(!) Grabbing a screw from the floor, Patrick's tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth as he concentrated on putting it in with a screwdriver, before he heard Cassie's voice. Keeping his eyes on the screw as he assembled the pieces, he nodded, humming lightly. "I'd love to tell you that it's going brilliantly and that I'm almost done, but that'd be lying, and that little beauty doesn't need to hear about those just yet." Patrick said as he finally got the screw in, and looked up at Cassie with a proud smile on his lips and a sigh of relief escaping them.
Cassie felt bad for putting all of this on him. It wasn’t like Evie was Patrick’s responsibility. She wasn’t his daughter, but he’d stepped up and been there for both of them every step of the way so far. She was sure he wasn’t going to leave them now. Strangely, it gave Cassie a little more respect for her father; not the biological one that hadn’t wanted her, but the one who had taken her on as his own, with absolutely no thanks from Cassidy. Of course, that situation was entirely different, so she wasn’t going to feel bad for him, nor was she going to compare Patrick to him. She hadn’t expected to walk into the room to see everything perfectly set up and ready to use, but she also hadn’t expected to see bits and pieces all over the place, and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing at the sight. “That’s okay. It’s a lot of work for you,” she said, her voice soft as she carried the baby into the room. Carefully, she lowered herself down beside Patrick, sitting with crossed legs—which was more painful than she’d anticipated, but it was to be expected, given what her body had been through just yesterday. With Evie still held securely in one arm, she reached out with the other to pick up what she assumed was one of the handles for the drawer set, just to take a look at it. “You know, we can get someone in to help with all of this. Maybe you should take a break and just come hang out with me and Evie? I think she misses you,” she smiled softly, looking down at the baby.
Patrick actually felt like a real man for doing this. He wasn't like those guys who could build houses and fight crime; but putting together this furniture gave him a feeling of being macho and it was quite nice, especially since the house was dominated by girls these days, and would be for the rest of the time. Shrugging his shoulders as Cassie sat down next to him, Patrick assembled another piece and smiled to himself. It was like he was high, except it was a much better feeling; like he could take on anything. "I don't mind, it's a bit like playing with Lego. I mean, a bit more adult-like, but you know what I mean." He said, smiling over at Cassie as he finished putting together the furniture. Wiping his hands on his jeans, Patrick's smile only grew at what the girl next to him said. "Oh yeah?" Leaning over so he could see the little infant's face, he saw how she was looking everywhere and around the room, searching for the light. "I miss her too," He whispered, letting the back of his thumb gracefully move over her cheek. He couldn't help but just adore the girl in Cassie's arms, she was just too good to be true.
Cassie still felt bad, sure, but there was a part of her that really liked this. She’d never been the type to dream of a perfect family, or of her ever having children, but she liked that she had this. It was almost like a little family, even if it was probably only ever going to be a platonic one. Outwardly, at least. Cassie couldn’t deny her feelings for Patrick to herself. They’d been intensifying for a while now, but yesterday had only solidified them even more, and as Cassie watched Patrick struggling his way through building up the furniture for her daughter, she couldn’t help but enjoy it. She couldn’t help but enjoy him and his general presence, and she loved that Evie was going to grow up with someone like Patrick to look up to. He was so much better than her actual father, someone Cassie was sure would never even care to hear that she’d been born. “Yeah, it looks like a way more confusing version of Lego…” she frowned, setting the handle back down with the rest of the things and just quietly watching Patrick. She smiled up at him when he spoke, though. “Mhm. I miss you, too,” she said before she’d even realized what she was saying. She paused, then cleared her throat, shifting a little on the spot and trying to breeze over her slip-up. “I could call my brother or Dani, see if they could come help out?”
Patrick played around with Evie's tiny little fingers, the softness of them feeling like silk against his own. Of course the guy wanted kids of his own someday, but right now, he wasn't in a hurry. He had Evie there whenever he got all broody though. Besides, he didn't have anyone that wanted his kids anyway; or so he thought. There was always one girl on his mind, and it was always Cassie. Patrick couldn't help but feel electric around her. It was like she had some weird effect on him, and just walking into the same room as him made everything so much better. It was like she had a way of just making him so happy all of the time, and he didn't know what it was, but it was exciting. After having seen Cassie with her daughter, he knew that he was falling absolutely head over heels in love with the girl. She was perfect in every single way, but there was no reason for Patrick to mess up their close friendship if she didn't feel the same way about him. Although, the kiss on his cheek that she gave him, after having given birth, still played around in his head. Hearing what she said, Patrick looked up from the baby, his expression a little less goofy and more serious. She missed him? He felt his lips go dry as he just stared into her eyes for a second, looking to see if she actually meant what she had just said. Clearing his throat, he snapped out of it and sat back up again. "Maybe we could just take a little break and I could come back to this in an hour or two? I don't mind putting it all together."
Cassie was so confused. She could put it down to the baby hormones, if she hadn’t been feeling things for Patrick even before she’d gotten pregnant, but she had. Truthfully, for a while now, Patrick had meant more to her than she’d ever admitted out loud, and apparently Dani had seen it last night in the hospital room, too. Now that Evie was here, though, and Cassie got to see the way Patrick was with her, she couldn’t help but feel like her feelings went even deeper than what she’d originally thought. She knew there was something there, something more than friendship. Something more than best friendship, in fact. Maybe it was some weird crush, she hadn’t known. What she did know now, though, was that it was absolutely not just a crush. Cassie wouldn’t admit it, not even to herself, but she loved him, more than people were supposed to love their best friends, and she could feel her heart racing a little faster with the way his gaze locked with her own. She scanned his expression, biting softly on her lower lip, before they both seemed to snap out of whatever daze they were in. Cassie just nodded her head. “Yeah. Yeah, absolutely,” she cleared her throat again, standing up, “Maybe we can watch the rest of the movie that someone interrupted yesterday?” She glanced down at Evie with a small smirk. Truthfully, Cassie didn’t mind at all.
Patrick had no idea what was going on between him and Cassie. There was definitely a spark, there was no denying that, but what if she just didn't feel the same way about him, the way that he felt about her? It was all so frustrating, and it was like Evie just intensified it. Her birth had meant a completely different side of Cassie that Patrick rarely got to see; a maternal and caring side that was protective and considerate of the people around her. It made Patrick see her from a different perspective as well. She wasn't the girl who had stayed over at his house when they were 4 and sat under his Star Wars blankets, playing thumb war in the middle of the night. She was a woman who was now responsible for another human being, a woman who had control over herself and her actions and Patrick found her so attractive because of it. Standing up as well, Patrick made sure that the pieces that he needed to assemble were piled together so he wouldn't get confused, before leaving the room with Cassie. "I'd like that," Patrick said, chuckling at her comment. To be fair, it had been a perfectly good excuse to stop the film. Walking down the stairs and into the living room, Patrick kept looking back to see how Cassie and Evie were holding up and if he needed to step back and be by her side, in case she was still hurting from yesterday. "Do you need anything from the kitchen?" He asked her, stopping by the door. "What about Evie? Does she need anything?"
Cassie didn’t have very many constants in her life. Her own father hadn’t cared to stick around and be apart of her life, and her parents only did things for show. Cassie had very few things; she had dance, she had her siblings, and she had Patrick. She’d always had Patrick, from as far back as she could remember, and there had to be someone looking down on her to bless her with the fact that he was still there, after all these years. Cassie had just become more and more grateful for him with passing time, and now more so than ever. It hadn’t been coincidental that Dani had noticed the way Patrick had been acting around her, not when Cassie had just seen the way he looked into her eyes like that. Right? Not that it mattered, it wasn’t something she was willing to explore. She wanted to, more than anything. But she couldn’t, because if she was reading into things wrong, she’d screw up their friendship. She couldn’t do that, so instead she just smiled, hiding everything she was feeling and making her way through to their living room, watching the man she loved walking ahead of her. “Mm, maybe a water? I think Evie’s okay, though,” she said, glancing down at the baby as she carefully sat down on the couch, Evie laid content in her arms, “I think she just wants cuddles from her favorite uncle.” Cassie looked up at Patrick with that same soft smile. “Get over here.”
Patrick knew that it was weird that he kinda wanted to be more than just an uncle to the baby. He kinda wanted to take that step further and have something with Cassie; have more than a friendship with the girl. However, he knew very well that it would be impossible because there were so many things at stake if he tried it. First off, she could not want to be with him at all. And second, if they did try something, and it didn't succeed, someone would have to move out of the house; it'd end up awkward living together and maybe unbearable. It wouldn't be easy, and that just wouldn't be fair on each other. But god , he just wished he could have something more with the woman. His heart beat louder and faster in his chest each time he thought about her, and looking at her was a completely different story. Sometimes, he felt like his heart would beat out of his chest and body. Nodding, Patrick said that he'd be right back and went into the kitchen to grab two bottles of water for the couple, and hurried back into the living room so he could watch the film with Cassie. Sitting down on the couch, he reached his arms out and gave the girl next to him a huge smile. "Alright, come over here, you little gorgeous girl." He cooed, absolutely in love with her and everything she was. She was Cassie's daughter after all.
Cassie really couldn’t think of any better a way to spend the afternoon. She didn’t even care about the movie, she just really loved the company she was in. When she’d been dating Brandon, she thought she’d loved him. Despite being the side chick for five years, she was stupid enough to think they were in love, but the thought of him sitting here with she and their baby did absolutely nothing for her. With Patrick, though? That meant everything. Patrick was like the missing piece to a three piece puzzle, where Cassie and Evie made up the other two. Already, the three of them had just clicked like a perfect little family, and Cassie wished so much that she could voice that, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t ruin what she and Patrick had. So, instead, she just silently enjoyed his presence, ignoring the way her heart began to race a little faster once he’d sat down on the couch beside her. With a soft smile gracing her lips, she turned towards his open arms, holding Evie out and carefully setting her down in them. Already, Cassie was incredibly protective of her daughter, and very selective about who got to hold her. With Patrick, though, there was no question. It was clear how much Evie loved Patrick, and even clearer how much he loved her.
Patrick cradled Evie into his arms and once he finally got a good and safe hold of the baby, he leaned back into the couch as he looked down at her with a soft smile. Her eyes were moving about and her little legs were trying to kick the air, but were restraint because of the lack of muscles in them. Something that Patrick couldn't wait to experience was the girl growing up and becoming such a sweetheart. She had a stubborn mother now, but also a mother was a softie inside and who would clearly do anything for her daughter. "Do you want to know something?" Patrick started, asking Cassie but keeping his eyes on Evie. "I don't look forward to the day where I have to kick someone's ass for breaking her heart." He said, as Evie grabbed his finger and held onto it. "She deserves the best," biting down on his lip, Patrick's smile faded, as he whispered the end of the sentence to himself. "Just like her mom."
Cassie wanted to pretend like she didn’t care as much as she did about seeing Patrick with her daughter, but it wasn’t that easy. Especially not when she couldn’t take her eyes off the two of them, nor could she wipe the smile from her face. Cassie’s brow raised as Patrick spoke, waiting to hear what he had to say. Her expression then changed to a frown at the thought of anyone ever hurting her brand new, innocent, adorable little baby, then softened to one of slight surprise as he continued. “I already have the best, Patrick,” Cassie said, her voice soft. She kept looking between him and Evie, just enjoying the view. “I have Evie, and I have you.” She wasn’t sure in which way she’d meant the latter, but rather than have Patrick figure it out before she did, she decided to cover herself with, “I mean, you’re my best friend. Who could be better for the job than you, right?”
Patrick supported Evie's head with his hand, the feeling of her silk-like soft, black little strands of hair almost tickling his fingertips. She was so perfect in every single way. The worst thing about all of this was the fact that Patrick wasn't even the baby's father, and so to think about having those fatherly, nurturing feelings towards the baby felt weird. He loved feeling the way that he did towards her, because it made him feel so alive; but at the same time, it wasn't his place to do so. Looking up at Cassie as she started speaking, Patrick's heart almost melted. She was so sincere about it, wasn't she? She really meant it? He wanted to say that a father for Evie would be perfect for the job, but he decided against it, keeping quiet about it. It would only make things worse, he figured. Leaning back into his seat, Patrick managed to shuffle himself closer to Cassie, so not only Evie was close to her, but so he was as well. Pulling Evie closer to him so she was resting more against his chest, Patrick sighed, feeling his heartbeat pick up its pace as he had now gotten closer to Cassie. "We'll always be best friends, right?" He asked her, looking over at her, his eyes getting lost in her brown eyes. Whenever the light was shining right at them, they'd turn to an amber and green color, which Patrick could just drown in, if Cassie only let him.
Cassie could’ve probably voiced how she was feeling, and it probably would’ve been okay. She could blame it on the baby hormones if it went wrong. But, talking about her feelings had always been hard for her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d told even her siblings that she loved them, and she was sure that when she had, she’d said it begrudgingly. She didn’t know how to talk about how she was feeling about Patrick, either, so she decided not to. Everything was already confusing enough between them, especially the way he looked into her eyes, and the way Cassie couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. Fortunately, she didn’t want to. “Yeah,” she nodded her head, sure that her cheeks were flushing a soft pink color, but hoping that Patrick wouldn’t notice, “Yeah, we will. Always.” Maybe that was all they were ever supposed to be. Cassie could’ve gotten sad about it, but instead she chose to be grateful. It was better to have him as that than nothing at all. Giving him a small smile, Cassie forced herself to pull her gaze from his, and instead curled up against him, resting her head on his arm and looking at her daughter, so content in his arms, just like Cassie was.
Patrick really wanted more with Cassie, but was thankful that he could keep her as his best friend; especially if it couldn't evolve into more. "Good." He whispered, nodding at the content answer. He never wanted to lose the girl. She was too important in his life, and losing her would be too devastating and heartbreaking. Cassie had meant everything to the guy; she had been there for him when he needed her, and vice versa. Or at least he tried to. They had too many memories together to give up on everything, just because he couldn't be with the girl. It wasn't an excuse to lose her. He didn't even want to think that thought. Feeling her cuddling up to him, Patrick let his lips curl into a satisfied soft smile. This was perfect in every sense. He had the two most important girls in his life and that was how he wanted it to be. He let his head fall down to rest on top of Cassie's, as the movie played out in front of him. However, all the guy could focus on, was the smell of her fruity shampoo. He really shouldn't be focusing on those things.
Cassie couldn’t admit aloud how nice it felt to be sitting so close to two of her favorite people like this. Even Evie seemed to love their setup. She didn’t even have her passie in her mouth, but she wasn’t crying. She was so content laid against Patrick, like she just knew she could trust him. She could, Cassie had no doubt about that. She wasn’t so sure whether it was because she was so comfortable laid here with the both of them, or whether it was because she’d barely gotten any sleep since Evie had been born, but Cassie’s eyes grew heavy as soon as she’d laid against Patrick. She’d been terrified to leave Evie’s side, which meant even when the baby was sleeping, Cassie was desperately trying to stay awake so she could watch her. It was obvious how much she trusted Patrick with her, though, since she hadn’t been laying there even five minutes before she’d managed to drift off into a deep, comfortable sleep, her head and heart so full of love for the two people beside her.
