May 13, 2025
Anyone else trapped in the void between life experiences where you've missed various, often very shitty but very key, steps and now you feel like you kinda need to get those experiences but everyone around you has moved on to the better more reasonable mature options you know are more reasonable and mature and what you Should Pursue but the big vacuous pit in your core where the precursor experiences should go makes shouldering the downsides to those more stable mature options just horrific and untenable?
Anyone else?
Just me?
#monster noises#i'm specifically talking about dating here but it does apply to other things#took the advice i was given and asked guy1 if our movie outing was a date#and he had the same sorta take as me where it was like.. we were both handelling it like a Half Date Sort Of#but he's come to the conclusion that traditional dating/courting structure isn't for him and he just wants to hang#make friends#and whatever happens happens#which like cool yeah great cool#that's - argueably - how it Should be done#i've heard the way everyone talks about dating#it's torture and suffering apparently#but i wouldn't know!!!! i've never been asked on a damn date!!!!!!#and this yowling needy part of me Needs That#needs what will probably be an exhausting ultimately dissapointing experience that won't live up to my romantic dreams#in order to feel comfortable with the amount of Time i'm going to have to Wait to develop a relationship in this mature way#and not be suffocated by the yawning abyss of my lonliness#i just need 1! one!!!!!! taste of feeling in someway desired#considered#Potentially Wanted#hell there's something awful appealing about clinicality of it if i'm being honest!!!#but i know in my mind that it's a sham#that dating sucks and everyone hates it#that it doesn't like.. Work Good#and i'm better off slowly forming friendships and companionships and idk#hoping someone finds me attractive eventually i guess?#gone great for me so far#.. but it appears this is not a lesson that i can make peace with#over the shrill loud keening of my shivering creature of lonliness.#who i guess needs... to prove what Dating Is to itself before it can move on or something? idk.