#thatfckingay

[durinsheir]

Durinsheir ive been following all ahead full said for yeeaaaars and it makes me so damn happy every time you update!! I loved this chapter, the tension thats building between thorin and bilbo is so damn juicy. Can't wait to reach the riven isle and elrond! Seeing how you've adapted middle earth to a nautical setting is fascinating. Thank you for this story!!

Thank you so much!! I love hearing from long time readers, makes it all the more worthwhile to pick the fic back up after so long.

[deadinsidedressage]

1, 6, 14, 27, 42, 50

1. dish face or roman nose? why?

I am more partial to roman noses than dished faces these days purely out of rebellion because my aunts are fucking weird about Arabian horses. (My grandfather bred Arabs...this is my annoying piece of personal trivia.)

6. Stock horses or sport horses?

Sport horses because we love a purpose-bred animal and I need to make sure people recall that I’m a Warmblood Elitist.

14. Most expensive piece of tack you own? Still technically my dressage saddle even though it’s garbage and I am actively trying to sell it. (Well actively is questionable). 

27. Least favorite discipline?

That I’ve personally participated in? Oh god, I guess back to when I was a wee child and technically doing Western Pleasure classes?? In general... I think saddleseat is more inherently rife with abuse than Western Pleasure so saddleseat for sure.

42. A bad habit your horse has? Eats fucking dirt. 

50. Have you ever gotten into a fight with your trainer? I had an abusive GM type eventing trainer that I finally “had it out with” at age 14 or 15 but when I snapped I didn’t actually say anything to him. I just by the grace of god managed to ride the hardly green-broke horse I was on through the course (which he hadn’t “cleared me to ride yet” because “I didn’t know my canter leads”) with her landing on all the correct leads and taking appropriate distances before riding up to the gate and having one of the adults watching the lesson let me out.  This was the point in my riding career where I was struggling with my personal horse to consistently get the right canter lead (even though I fucking knew it and knew what it felt like when it was “wrong” because I wasn’t a fucking moron) because she desperately needed corrective shoeing and worn her hinds so unevenly that she wouldn’t want to load in the hind and tried to push off in the front for canter because she was so uncomfortable.  What was an issue stemming out of comparative poverty and ignorance on farrier work (we had for years used a farrier who charged very little because it was all my family could afford and gotten away with it because of Arabians with good feet) was consistently treated as a personal failing and ineptitude on my part. My horse was uncomfortable and I wasn’t capable of understanding that, all I knew was that I KNEW my canter leads and my horse refusing to take the right lead was extremely frustrating. This escalated to instead of this trainer ever at any point assessing my horse or asking to see me switch ride to him refusing to teach me if I showed up to lessons with my horse. At the time my family had recently purchased an unfinished horse that couldn’t canter under saddle... so that’s what I took to my lessons on. That horse was extremely inconsistent on canter leads at the time and I would ask, get the wrong lead, do a simple, get the correct lead. The horse would favor the left lead because the horse was unevenly muscled.  Of course seeing my on another horse that didn’t immediately take the right canter lead further cemented the idea that “I didn’t know my leads” despite my age and level. He never stopped to ask me about the horse or why I often had to correct my canter transitions. So of course in a lesson when he wanted to emphasize “landing on the correct lead” through a 6 fence grid he was furious with me for riding a horse that wasn’t doing that.  First of all, the horse hadn’t been jumping more than 3 months at that point. Second of all, I was too busy keeping her from running out in a grid that massively over-faced her that whenever she went through straight I would give her huge praise at the end. She’d do almost the entire grid on the left lead after coming in on the right because that wasn’t something I was focused on and it was more comfortable to her.  After however many times of my horse not doing things perfectly because she wasn’t my friends’ five-figure schooled horses (and him allowed them to do the grid to the course but holding me back) after my horse landed after the first fence in the grid on the left lead, he yelled “I hope you fall off and break your back because that’s what you deserve”. At which point an ability to ride better than I ever can consciously was activated and I managed to pilot that horse through the rest of the grid and through the course perfectly.  My two other trainers (I rode and was a WS for a h/j trainer and had a dressage trainer) both did eventually recognize what my horse was doing in the canter and explain how it was a shoeing issue. Got corrective shoeing, had a fantastic horse I eventually took my B on. 

[blackwoolncrown]

thatfckingay replied to your post “thatfckingay mentioned you on a post “Oh my god im talking to guys...”

STRAIGHT UP like either they want you to carry the convo for them and do all the leg work OR theyre so chockablock full of their own opinions and bull that they dominate the convo... either way theyre not asking you about yourself ��‍♂️

Those are exactly the two options omg - which is WILD bc like at the end of the day they do want to fuck most likely but don’t ??? want to know you as a person? Like...sounds sociopathic but ok

[ahdromeda]

favorite lyrics - bts (love yourself 結 ‘answer’ - part 2) (part 1)

[afoxnamedmulder]

thatfckingay said: Every les mis adaptation is a mess SOMEHOW because the book is an insanity that somehow got published... like no adaptation is gonna do the brick accurately NOR SHOULD THEY because god... can u Imagine

every les mis adaptation NEEDS something to mess it up and make it iconic in itself that’s just a requirement at this stage

can’t wait to see what the bbc adds to the excellent and ever-growing “why did you include THIS in your les mis adaptation” list, including such highlights as:

valjean’s bf robert

the incredible somersaulting javert

secretary eponine

sexy santa

immortal gavroche

valjean dying alone and unloved 

chouchou the wonder dog

[blackwoolncrown]

thatfckingay mentioned you on a post “Oh my god im talking to guys on tinder and carrying a convo w some of...”

@goldhornsandblackwool its so bizarre like do yall literally not know how conversation works.... ok.....

lit er a lly and the moment you THINK! (haha u THOT) that one knows how to talk he’ll say something stupid/offensive .2 seconds later

[blackwoolncrown]

thatfckingay replied to your post “Reading about the complications of gender expression and queerness and...”

yooo your point about essentially needing a near academic understanding of the current constructs of identity and politics in order to navigate queer spaces without being challenged or whatever?? suuuch a good point. and pretty much puts a finger on why i stepped away from intensely queer spaces, esp online spaces. i have other shit to do in my life , i dont have time to dedicate that much effort into keeping up with the rapidly changing discourses in order to be seen...

(cont) as adequately non-problematic. i value and treasure being gay and trans, but more and more im coming to understand myself as a whole person with goals and ideals outside of those parts of my identity, and i no longer feel the need to so savagely identify myself like that. like i needed to do that once upon a time, but im like. a person now. i got other shit to do and my life doesnt revolve around being queer in the way that (online) queer spaces seem to want it to (end, I assume?)

EXACTLY.

Like yeah by y’alls metric I’m queer, I’m bi, I’m ace, I’m nb, etc etc etc, but FUCK who gives a shit???? What’s the prize!? I’m supposed to be prioritizing participation in an endless dialectical battle so I can get a ‘Good LGBTQ+ Person’ badge or some shit? Y’all paying my bills?

My body may be my vehicle in life but my life does not revolve around performing the identities it’s saddled with-- I don’t see how it’s any more taxing to have to ‘fit in’ with broader society than it is to ‘fit in’ with a hyperdefensive hyperspecific ever-changing queer space by keeping constantly up to date with the rhetoric, the constant who’s who of problematic terms and etc etc liek?/? HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT!? I’m still performing for your acceptance! 

The only time I was at all really ‘involved’ was for the sake of social justice- it wasn’t even a personal thing. I didn’t need the group for self exploration or acceptance- and I could see that the latter wasn’t necessarily going to be forthcoming. People are people wherever you go, and I staunchy believe that just because they may share a label or interest doesn’t actually mean that they’ll be your friend. If I don’t vibe on a human, spiritual or base level with someone/something, I don’t bother. I’m not gonna use a proxy for acceptance or inclusion, ever.

I love who I am, and yes you could call it many things, but I’ve never felt compelled to participate in LGBTQ+ spaces beyond adolescence because it seems like such an endless battle. The people in it are just as happy for fleeting acceptance as they are depressed and miserable because they’re being denied and made to perform in a space that was supposed to accept them as a human being. In queer spaces you don’t get to be a human being, you  have to be the correct version of whatever ID you are at the time. Being on the sidelines and seeing the endless blowups over how people talk about being bi/pan how people defend/refuse gender how people divide within the queer community via transmisogyny etc it’s a mess. Like I’m not stupid, y’all are not all my friends just bc you’re not straight. And I’m a grown ass person with shit to do, my life doesn’t revolve around this, just like you said.

We all have so much other shit to do we have POTENTIAL and I’m not wasting mine on chasing anyone’s approval, queer or not.

[blackwoolncrown]

thatfckingay replied to your post “Being repressed/oppressed doesn’t feel the same way as being...”

This is the clearest distinction ive ever read dude

Glad to hear it bc I had to process this issue in my head all night to get this distilled. Had a convo with an inclusionist that left a bad taste in my mouth and it was honestly so triggering to try to explain what homophobia and transphobia feel like as experiences and as background violence, including me talking about being from Orlando and being LGBT post-pulse and the response was

“So are you saying being oppressed is what makes someone queer?”

This coming from someone who said they knew what homophobia was like bc they’ve seen their lesbian friend (TOKEN TOKEN TOKEN) go through it. When I said knowing what something looks like and experiencing it firsthand are two different things, they agreed, but still said that bc they experienced ANY discrimination it was basically the same.

Like the white redditor 4chan argument dialogue just JUMPED out. It feels like cultural appropriation bullshit all over again. “Oh so you’re saying I can’t be part of this dialogue because I’m white? Sounds awfully racist of you, I thought you believed in equality”. Like yes, actually, not experiencing something or being less vulnerable to it does in fact make your voice less relevant to it as an issue.

I was middle of the road on this inclusion shit but not anymore. It’s not the same, and the fact that inclusionists seem dedicated to denying that truth is the same shit as when white people deny racism bc ‘they’ve struggled too’. Like is it institutionalized tho????????? Is there a history though??? But could you DIE?