Dear Mom,
I know we haven’t spoken in a while. That’s my fault. I can own up to that. I want to say I miss you. I wish you were here to talk to and you could give me one of those hugs that makes everything horrible seem bearable. You see me now. Better than before but not where I should be either. (You’d probably say you were proud of me no matter what I did...as long as my heart was in it.) Sometimes I feel like thats gone. My “heart”. I feel lost and so numb sometimes. I don’t know who to tell. Everyone will say their generic I know how you feel or she was so special to everyone. But sometimes it’s not okay. I just want you to be there to hold me and tell me things will be okay because that’s when I felt okay. Yes you were amazing to a lot of people but you were my mom, mom. I feel like no one can understand that, not even P. Sometimes I get fed up to the point where I just wanna crawl into this hole and never talk to anyone again. Then I think about you, about who I used to be and hoped I’d be. Then I have enough energy to keep pushing again. But right now. I can’t do that. Right now I’m drained and have no more energy left to give. I know someone will get this feeling. I just need to charge my battery. Albeezy is closed for the rest of forever. -Albeezy
