it is dark and i cannot breathe. i can feel the dirt surrounding me on all sides. i don’t know how i got here. i remember the hands. hands on my waist, hands on my chest, hands on my throat. i remember the choking sensation i felt every second of it, that awful fear. i couldn’t breathe, i cannot breathe. i cannot see. i remember a hand on my chin, bringing my lips up to meet his. it wasn’t always like this. there was a time before, before he was so breathtaking. we were friends before we became lovers. we were lovers before the choke. i remember when he first started to smell like dirt. the earthy smell was so strong i could barely breathe. i almost thought he was seeing someone else behind my back, but no. it was just him. i got used to the smell, i got used to the dirt under his fingernails and his far too chapped lips. i loved him far too much to leave. but i should’ve. if i had left, i wouldn’t be here now, with dirt in my lungs and my throat and my mouth. it coats my skin and ears and eyes. i have no mouth, but i must scream. i cannot scream, for the dirt keeps me close. i miss my lover, but he is here with me. holding me close in the heart of the choke.
