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The university and my advisor are conspiring to make the end of all this as absolutely difficult as it can be BUT I SHALL PREVAIL

#you know what? you know what???#if it's a choice between a slightly less generous amount of time for my committee to ignore my dissertation before speed-reading it #and me being rushed to defend my dissertation make and submit final edits and pack up my house to move across the country in a week #I AM GOING TO BE RUDE TO THEM. get out. multiple months of time i could have had back if my advisor had been on the ball earlier #let this be a lesson to him. it won't he's set in his ways BUT IT SHOULD BE #once again: foolhardy plans i consider professional risks #spirit of eugenides help me to be difficult and right in this time #(i may be slightly catastrophizing here but i just need to know i will be firm if it does come to it. phone call later today)#the dissertation

LMAO i got a high 2:1 on my exam omg omg this is WILD i thought i’d failed holy shit

#back on my bullshit!!#only one more grade left to get back now and its The Big One #the dissertation #giving me heart palpitations just thinkin about it

IT'S GONE IT'S DONE

#complete dissertation draft DONE #do i have any feelings about this? no i am consumed with focus on driving away from my house in 20 minutes #still done!!!#the dissertation #this is just like two years ago when i spent 8 days writing prelims and then flew for 48 hours to a conference for a retiring prof #and then flew back and did my oral exam #that time the product sucked. this time i think the product is fine to pretty good. so we're improving overall

I wonder how different my doctoral degree would have gone if my advisor believed me when I told him things

#like. he literally never believed i would finish on this timeline that i have been talking about since we met #i think if he had believed me there would have been a lot more communication and checking in with other faculty #and he would have gotten back to me much faster #i literally do what i say i'm going to do. sir #only slightly bitter now though because he is gonna make it happen now he can tell #although we set a meeting for next week to discuss the whole draft that i was supposed to get to him by then #and just now he called and we talked timeline and he said we could move the defense up #because he quote didn't think i'd have it finished by now end quote #the dissertation #hashtag believe women

AM I going through the important things in my dissertation way too fast? Or am I saying them so simply and clearly that your snob brain is ignoring them? Advisor?????

#this is the problem moki had with her papers where she just says the thing SO clearly #the person grading is like well that's obvious why are you writing a paper about it #but actually it was not obvious until she made it so #i'm not as good at this as Moki by any means #but i am pretty sure the only reason it feels ''too fast''#is that he's expecting it to be the kind of academic book where you say your point 17 times #so that people skimming it will catch one of the times #that's not my style nor will it ever be. those books suck!!!#the dissertation

Some things that have happened today, in no particular order:

Added to my dissertation the original French or Latin for 86 quotes in translation out of 17 different books (process involves finding the quote in the English physical text, figuring out which of 57 unlabelled online scanned Latin books this text is in, finding markers in the English to help locate the unrelated page number of the scan with the same quote, finding the actual quote, typing it up in my footnote while peering at the messy scanned page on my laptop screen) (however that's all the Latin in the chapter and hence the whole dissertation, huzzah!)

Removed one quote from my dissertation because I despaired of finding the Latin

Put a blanket over my head and acted the part of a grumpy old witch so inspiringly that me and the Bones Brothers ended up taking turns doing that for half an hour

Read or listened to a kid read No, David! approximately 12 times

Babysat for 8 hours 4 of which the kids were asleep for, made good money

Baked the tallest loaves of sourdough I've made yet, on tinfoil because we were out of parchment paper and actually I love how it turned out with a much less thick and impenetrable bottom crust than normal

Picked up a large number of pinecones to load into a wagon

Bled copiously but not as bad as yesterday

Ate beef stew for breakfast

FAILED to complete everything on my to-do list because I forget time is passing while I'm looking up Latin quotes so I'm unable to calculate how long it will take to plan, and also I ignored the fact that 8 hours of babysitting actually does not leave much time in a day

Caught myself in the act of planning for if I get this job (God forbade me to) about 7 times

Spent probably 45 seconds physically fighting a 3 year old over a book (he needed to put it down and go to bed) (not my best moment but I stand by it)

Cried fiercely in my car over a song line, 15 seconds after I said to God in a list of other rambling prayers "please let me cry soon"

Immediately afterward, spent 20 minutes looking up Latin quotes and writing a conclusion in the semi-dark of my porch because I forgot my house keys and my roommates were at small group (I'm safely inside now)

#the dissertation #joys of babysitting

FYI when I defend my dissertation you all legally have to start calling me Dr. Kaylie

#the dissertation #i had two icebreakers of what you're looking forward to this week and it made me pause and realize #no matter WHAT HAPPENS i will defend my dissertation this year #like i truly think barring me dying i would get it done in any other circumstance #Lord willing and the creek don't rise #but yeah. i will be dr. kaylie and no one will be able to take that away from me

Everybody praise and shout and know that prayers have been answered, my advisor meeting was NOT contentious and his desired changes are minor and I think doable!

#the dissertation #like it's FINE which is such a huge relief