Hi fren
I have so many needs, and not a single one is being met.
Well, except for that blonde bombshell one 🙂↕️
But still....
I want to be serviced by my fanservice-per-contractual-obligations ship.
I want to know what Switzerland has to offer by way of a romantic-as-instructed-by-hybe couple travel vlog.
Do ducks like bread, or do they flock to the sound of Mimi's giggles?
Do I not matter?
I need them to scratch my traveling through Vietnam cuddeling-in-the-love-boat-because-we-were-intructed-to bro-lationship mukbang itch.
Are late night markets romantic, or is that the fluorescent lighting?
When will the AYS 2 trailer arrive, and will you scream about it with me?
The audience needs answers 🎀🤨
my dearest @heartofbusan,
your needs are valid. your grievances are valid. and your tumblr digital footprint is basically an ever-expanding archive of cunty diva phat ass blond-min propaganda aka september 4th, the day park jimin stepped out in his natural blonde glory for the first time post-enlistment and personally rebalanced the global serotonin supply.
now…
“i want to know what switzerland has to offer by way of a romantic-as-instructed-by-hybe couple travel vlog.”
probably swans, cobblestone streets, lakefront shots, and jm laughing at something jk said that probably wasn’t even that funny, but to jm it’s that funny (and vice versa). jk’s in the background snapping his neck to look at him like, “mine.” it’s disney prince energy but with tattoos, piercings, and the body language of a man who’s been doing this for 12 years and still hasn’t built up immunity. swans turn, ducks turn, the lady selling postcards turns, the reflection in the water turns, the cameraman turns, you turn, i turn, we all turn. it’s a collective turning. you get the idea.
“do ducks like bread, or do they flock to the sound of mimi’s giggles?”
the latter. me, you, and jk. a united front.
atp i feel like an ornithologist because between the swans, the ducks, and the inevitable jk turning his whole body to watch jm laugh (full peacocking lore in action) there are simply too many birds for me to keep up with.
“do i not matter?”
you matter so much that i would personally subpoena the raw switzerland and vietnam footage in your name.
“i need them to scratch my traveling-through-vietnam-cuddling-in-the-love-boat-because-we-were-instructed-to bro-lationship mukbang itch.”
hoi an out here being vietnam’s most romantic riverside town, glowing lanterns lighting up the night, the river shimmering with floating wishes. and jikook said “yeah we’ll take the boat package actually.” they were seen on one of those rides. dance through lantern-lit nights, stroll streets glowing with handmade lanterns and riverside charm… the tourism board predicted it, jikook delivered. and apparently at some point they were just casually watching the sunrise, possibly while holding hands according to one grainy picture. lantern boats. street food. sunrise hand-holding. if ays s2 doesn’t show this, i’m filing a formal complaint with the bh romance department. sorry but this is not fanservice-per-contract, this is two men on their very romantic post-military brolationship mukbang tour and i’m supposed to work during this?
i need knees touching, elbows bumping, stupid little inside jokes while jk keeps leaning in like “yes i will hear every breath you take actually,” jm saying “this is romance, this is youth, and this is nice,” food wrappers crinkling in the background because they’re eating and making me insane at the same time. and of course, thoughts and prayers for jm’s gastrointestinal tract because the ghost of ays s1 connecticut still lingers 🙏
“are late night markets romantic, or is that the fluorescent lighting?”
yes.
and let’s get this straight: they spent 18 months in the barracks together. sleeping side by side almost every night (minus the ones jm had to sleep in a literal battle tank??), jk sending him meals, singing songs together, sharing showers, jk using jm’s arm as his personal pillow because “leaning” apparently wasn’t intimate enough… and somewhere in there, they’re talking about their future after discharge.
then discharge happens. do they go home? no. do they take a break? no. they board a plane for ays 2 filming aka honeymoon world tour. the “fanservice-per-contractual-obligations” clause has clearly been upgraded to “life partnership.” ducks? swans? birds? the airborne population of switzerland is now conditioned to respond to jm giggles. actually all local wildlife probably imprinted on jm the second they heard it. the disney prince-ification of switzerland is complete. lantern light in hoi an is permanently infused with jikook aura. new york… we don’t even know what they did there, but it’s already filed under jikook lore until further notice.
and then, as if that wasn’t enough, they roll straight into la for bts songcamp and live together AGAIN for two whole months in a giant ass villa. atp, when will they ever get enough of each other? (prediction: never.)
if anyone thinks i’m over the enlistment → ays s2 filming → la songcamp never-separated arc, then you don’t know me very well!!!!
and while i am deeply moved by this commitment to togetherness, haven’t they renewed their contract?? because i am still not feeling serviced. right now, the fanservice-per-contractual-obligations-ship clause feels like it’s been suspended without notice. although we’ve been through a rough drought that feels like it’s been years (it’s been a month, maybe two. but it feels like three presidential terms and a full geologic era. and a minimum of 14 potential ass slaps lost to time), i’m choosing to believe this is simply the calm before the next feeding. the feeding that, per standard bh contract terms, should include at least two public ass slaps before q4 and one slow pan over jm’s freshly waxed legs. i need that shit on my desk by monday. stamped. signed. notarized. the honeymoon arc is ongoing, we’re just… between episodes. but my spirit is jittery, my hands are shaking, and the only cure is the immediate drop of ays s2. until then, i am unserviced and unwell.
ays 2 trailer WHEN.
nyc b-roll WHEN.
contract renewal press conference WHEN.
the audience doesn’t just need answers. we need the raw footage and maybe a wellness check for ourselves.
but let me tell you, when the ays 2 trailer drops, i’m ready to lose my mind frame-by-frame with you 💕
