#the entries

[elltheenergetic]

[Entry 53: Finality

Are you scared yet?

Its alright. That’s normal.

And everything is committed to a good cause.

Even if some have to hurt, and even the non-believers.

I see you.. and I love you like a jail cell’s key.

I don’t feel like it’s reciprocated enough that I care—and obviously—very clearly, the gears turning in your head right now are making you overthink everything.

You think I’m a sadist.

You think I’m trying to hurt you.

You think I’m some mastermind with evil plans.

Or maybe, you’re just going crazy. Considered that?

Look, the point is, all I’m asking for you is to stay when the others won’t. Be my guest.

And of course I might have the ability to hurt. Who doesn’t? I only use it on those who deserve it. As so, the aforementioned non believers. Who won’t bear to look me in the eye.

Just stay.

That’s all.

And this is the final time I’m going to say it:

I’m not your enemy; I’m the one keeping you safe.

[alariiic]

“ENTRY 18/19”

[07/22/1903]

I haven’t written in some time now.

It’s partly because.. I’ve lost track of my entries, but..

it’s been two years since I saw either of them.

Zara.. I’d given up looking for her last year.. I feel selfish for that.

She’s not coming back to me, I have to accept…

but I’m falling apart without her.

[tms-mat]

Entry 2:

I have asked a few friends to help mi with the lab, getting help seem to make this easier, I asked a good friend of mine and she agreed to help, we also got some builders to help build this lab up, so they started building the lab up as I started researching on a computer about different souls and traits, I then looks around after a while out of boredom… I saw some weird glitches nearby and I went over to it.. confused… it sound like it was saying something in a very glitched voice or something… but I couldn't exactly understand it… I don't really know what to do…

[elltheenergetic]

[Entry 52: Unrequited.

I’m pissed.

I don’t know what they think is going to happen if they push me to the brim.

Nothing good.

Rage and unpremeditated violence. Even more.

And it’s not a good look! I know I can keep this under control. I know I can crush this underneath the surface with the rest of any concerns. But I feel that it’s becoming more noticeable.

There’s a way to fix this that is irreversible once converted. I might be willing to take it. Happily.

I don’t normally feel this… strongly about their opinions. Something’s irking me.

It’s irritating.

But… whatever it is, it’s not what normally irks at me. This is different.

It’s unrequited. Frightening.

Affectionate?

I don’t know.

I think I might be… sorry.

[elltheenergetic]

[Entry 51: Laced.

Here we go. Back to my roots. You know: the ones I don’t really like to talk about.

But I suppose.. since it’s here… it’s secure.

I can hear the pouts echo through my mind: “but Pheonix, but Ell, you’re doing the wrong thing!”

Haha. How beautiful of a perception. Maybe even adorable.

Theres no “right” or “wrong” path to anything. Simply your own warped view of things.

And you know? I intend to follow my own.

“But ELL! But this—that—blah, blah, blah.”

It’s the same reasoning everytime.

The same reasoning that made her leave. The one I won’t let happen again. Not on my watch.

I am going to stride in my one path, and you’ll follow yours, even if they’re bound to cross.

Doesn’t that sound like a record-breaking deal?

I almost feel bad. Almost.

I will conquer and seize; fight to bring the justice—even if it’s twisted—and overpower.

Laced.

Oh, hey, it’s my birthday soon.

[elltheenergetic]

[Entry 50: Disdain.

Okay, that previous entry was questionable. But I don’t actually need a new notebook. It was just water spilling onto the page and an overreaction. Easily recovered.

Moving on.

I don’t feel like anyone understands the point I’m trying to get across. A few critical comments don’t hurt, do they? A few actions. Tiny ones. In that matter, I think it’s even helpful.

And you know what! I’ll even have a different approach on it. A less harsh one. Less honest. It’s going to work.

If that doesn’t work? Then I’ll revert back to my methods, they’ll prove to be correct.

…

I’ll admit the methods may be irrational. But it’s only for the process—and it’s as realistic as it gets.

Just trust me, please.

[elltheenergetic]

[Entry 48: Allure.

I’m beginning to disagree with your methods.

I can’t call them pathetic, but, questionable is definitely an adjective.

What ever happened to convincing? Scaring?

You won’t get what you want by being an unidentifiable doormat.

You will be stepped on and stepped on until dirt covers your entire surface. It’s difficult to get that many stains off a light-colored mat.

They’re never going to listen to me. They prefer their doom be dependent.

I only need me, myself, and I, however…

I don’t care if they think I’m a cancer.

So I made a mistake. No turning back. But if that’s what they want to label me as—a cancer—then maybe I should live up to it.