#the hell clinic

[holisticallystudying]

just had the NP at my clinical practice say she hated how everything is related to race and how its not real and she want to tell me blacks can be racist to blacks and she rather have a white man be racist to her and i was like wtf is wrong with you

[holisticallystudying]

idk if made an official post about this but:

i finally quit my toxic job.

let me tell you when i did this, i could not stop the tears from rolling down, not out of sorrow but from relief.

eventhough i am grateful for the opportunity to intern and gain pce with this clinic, my experience there has been taxing on my mental health. i would leave the job exhausted and emotionally drained from all the bullshit i had to deal with the staff.

i, a black female, had to listen to my coworkers be mocking towards certain patients, spew lies about covid/covid vaccines (yes this clinic did not believe in covid and thought the vaccine would kill you and your future babies), hear blm be called a terrorist movement while the insurrection was praised, watch a patients fear of sexual harassment be overlooked, listen to racist remarks about african-americans be spewed left and right despite it being the clinics main patient population, etc. by the end of the month of may, my mental health had hit rock bottom dealing with the people at the clinic and i just crashed. i suffered from a severe panic attack on May 25th.

thats when i knew it was time to call it a quits. For 11 months i have sat through possibly the worst workplace environment ever created by man and earned less than minimum wage for the things i did. It just wasn’t worth it. my last official day i have to walk through that door is monday and even though i am currently unemployed, i am certain i will try my hardest to not step in that clinic ever again in my life.

i am so thankful this is the last time i have to make a rant post about this wretched clinic but for anyone that is feeling stuck in a toxic place: always prioritize your mental health.

[holisticallystudying]

rant one

ok so this is pretty much a rant post that focuses on my experience with the medical world especially as an intern at a doctors office and if anyone in the medical profession wants to put their two cents in then please (because honestly i am feeling highly discouraged with the direction medicine is going towards)

So for the past couple of years, I have been interning at a doctor’s office to gain patient care hours which are like vital for any pre-physician assistant student to obtain. It has been hard to find a place to work back at home because of the whole pandemic so I have been just grateful for them allowing me to stay there as well as give me the oppertunity to be paid. however, this past week has been eye opening and honestly i am kind of disturbed with what has occuered in the office.

so to start off, i understand that peoples political beliefs are their beliefs and that in the professional world i can’t really control that or undermine their ability in provide the most optimal care to their patients. however, when i begin to hear outrageous lies and witness interactions that could put the patient in danger or solidify their mistrust in healthcare professionals, makes my blood boil. (tw: abortion) to hear a recently certified nurse practitioner be violently against abortion because she believes that an abortion is performed at 9 months and that the action of abortion is tearing the baby apart to bring them out of the body is honestly horrifying (nonetheless she believes any medical professional  who performs an abortion is apart of the black market and uses their limbs for skincare serums for celebrities  as hse said this to me word for word).  

to have a medical doctor dissmiss a young patients concern of being sexually harrassed by her taxi driver and writing it off as having a mental disorder without even meeting her just because he does not want to get involved with the situation just blows my mind. furthermore, to have the same doctor verbally say “this is why i do not like dealing with them (social security cases) because all they do is waste my time” in response to the same patient being confused between whether she can get an xray vs an mri because she has metal in her body as well as that she wants options on getting this examination because the hospitals in the city are not allowing babies inside just disgusted me to my core. to have a staff that honestly does not understand how to approach a situation where one of their patients states that they are being stalked or sexually harraseed by a complete stranger was so alramring because me a 21 year old knows at least some actions and resources you can do for your patient when they come in worried or feel like they are in danger because i have got the necessary training in a 3 hr lecture and role play while volunteering for my free student clinic like???? its definetly not enough but its something and it also helps that my major looks in to situations just like this!!

in the end, I just couldnt take anymore and I had to call off for the rest of the week pretending I was sick because honestly sitting in the clinic hearing them spew lies and outrages claims about politics and medicine just really made me discouraged but not discouraged in being a medical professional in the future. tbh this whole past week has reawokened my passion in why i want to pursue medicine specifically why i want to be physician assistant. its one thing to hear about the mistreatment of patients in class but to watch it first hand has left me speechless and i dont want to ever come across like that to my own patients in the future.

now where i am discouraged is continuing my time at that doctors office. as of right now, i  just feel like its not a very enriching enviorment and that i just do not feel too comfortable with the staffs beliefs. however,  i also need the hours for pa school so i do not know what to do anymore. i am at 764 pce hours and i really wanted to keep this position until my first acceptance into a pa school but with the rate that pa school is highly competitive,  i do not think i can spend one more year in this clinic (nonetheless one more month). 

honestly any advice (or even words for encouragemennt) would be greatly appreciated becasue this week has been just really bad.

[holisticallystudying]

getting pce should not be this detrimental to my mental health

I really need some type of support because with the events happening yesterday in the US and the staff in my clinic agreeing with the riots (calls them protests but let’s be honest that was a staged coupe) and mocking the BLM movement, this job is really making my string for tolerance wear thin. I’m so close to fucking snapping on all of them and just quitting because in no way should politics be so ingrained into your medical judgement and influence your actions this closely.

I am literally the only employee here that is not a trump ass licker and it’s really disheartening to see these type of people be in charge of an individuals health. The NP (yes NURSE PRACTITIONER) is proud of what happened yesterday and states that if she could she would have been there! She also believes that it was ANTIFA that did this and will not take into account that the man/movement that she so adamantly believes in is fundamentally racist. It also doesn’t help that the head MA eggs her on and mocks the BLM protests by saying that the only people willing to do such riots are BLM people—> mind you I am black!

Do not get me started with the COVID vaccine/vaccinations. This clinic is heavily anti-vaccine. YES THE MEDICAL STAFF HERE DOES NOT GET/BELIEVE IN GETTING THE FLU/COVID VACCINE. I have heard all differ from kind of conspiracies from these people and every time I feel like I am losing brain cells. The only people that get the vaccines are the MD and I and the only reason why the MD gets it is because he has to.

I really just want to quit. I really do, but I need the pce for PA school.

This is a reminder that no matter how much media coverage/social media exposure the medical field gets, an alarming amount of medical professionals are right wing extremists who do not care about anything but their own life’s (I said what I said).

[holisticallystudying]

(2) deal with the situation, but I urge you to find a way to stay in health care, be it at this clinic or another one. You clearly care about people and their well being, and once you get over the bumps and find a good place to work, health care is such a rewarding and amazing line of work. Idk I just hope you figure it out and end up somewhere you'll thrive and enjoy what you do. Best of luck 💚💚

thank you so much anon. posting this to my blog to give other pre health students the needed motivation to stick it through and become the change we want to be in the medical world 😭

[holisticallystudying]

Hey so I don't know you or your situation but I read about your experiences about lies and misinformation, and first of all I get that that must suck an unfathomable amount, and you need to look after yourself and your needs. But id also like to say that your reaction to it, the fact that you question whether or not you should continue working in such an environment is proof to me that you're the kind of person we desperately need working in health care. I cant give you any advice on how to (1)

pt.2 coming