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I’m currently debating a difficult choice as writer. I love my story and characters, but the obligation to write this story has become a painful compulsion to me, not something I do for pleasure anymore. It was always an obligation, but I enjoyed it once. Now, with my readership small and mostly silent and the scenes increasingly hard to wring out, it’s not fun anymore. This morning, I found myself unable to write for a self-indulgent Oblivion fanfic, out of guilt that I was not writing a chapter for Arc Two. I have a many-chapter buffer, but the compulsion is still there. On top of this, I’ve been fighting a seriously stressful two months and counting now, to the point that it’s taken a toll on my physical health. I don’t really know what to do.

I’m scared to lose the story thread if I step back, but at this point, I may have to. I might need to take a hiatus. I’ll still be present reblogging, and maybe even drawing. I just don’t know if I can or should keep writing like this. I haven’t decided yet, but I don’t like being stuck in this limbo. It’s as bad as not being able to write at all.

#kae whining #the mod rambles #news #i still have two chapters queued so you'll get your story next week don't worry

To all the folks asking, it is in fact more or less regular tea (as in no Secret Ingredients of the Lumen variety). Nyota just brews it Apex Strong™

#the mod rambles #must be this many apex to drink

Kae does not do Let’s Draws or let people watch me art because of a tendency to make the pose I’m doing. This includes but is not limited to weird facial expressions, leaning back just so (and almost falling off chair) because that’s how it feels for ziplining, right, and attempting to ever so slightly levitate

#the mod rambles

I had a major chapter idea boom over the past three nights and it’s so tempting to drop it all at once but I know I’d get really behind if I did that ^.^;;

#the mod rambles #darn schedule

The “awkward” part about writing six or seven weeks in advance (in case of Life Happening) is that I have to go back and reread my own stuff the night before or I won’t have any idea what folks are reacting to tomorrow ^.^;;

#the mod rambles #i never had this problem in the original but then again i wasn't writing two novels at once and updated way faster

Well we all know I am required by law to pick Grookey when Sword/Shield come out

#pokemon #the mod rambles #not starbound

Good chapter~ I like seeing Nyota flustered, it’s a rare sight. Also Arrowmail is very fun to read. And I like Zoya more and more every chapter~

It is so fun to fluster Nyota because it’s actually very hard to do~ I’ve got to really work hard to earn that blush. Arrowmail is much easier to write by comparison, he’s basically my book-nerding and my anxiety personified ^.^;; And I’m glad you like Zoya. She’s turned out surprisingly important for a spur of the moment addition to the cast. I think we’ll be seeing much more of her as I keep going.

#the mod rambles

I am so glad that the queue option exists because timezones are highly optional right now

#the mod rambles

#the mod rambles

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