#the queue of joy

[salvationthroughdeath]

I have a kid now

acid reflux, withdrawals

I'll never look back

[salvationthroughdeath]

my heart is so full

I might love you at this point

can't wait to say it

[salvationthroughdeath]

1131

really missed you, kid

I hope to see you again

before you move on

[salvationthroughdeath]

Day 728

earlier today i saw Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind for the first time, and it's like God opened the floodgates or burst a dam or took a sledgehammer to the wall of glass in my heart.

i felt like i was sitting there watching myself the whole time. both in Joel and in Clementine. for the past 728 days the Joel in me has been prevalent, going through life without taking risks or rolling the dice on anything.

I'll stop myself from launching into the full in-depth analysis of how those characters mirror parts of me, bc it doesn't really matter. the important thing is that i felt emotions I've been suppressing since January 1st, 2017. i felt i sat here trying to find words to describe what i felt, but i can't find them. it was the feelings that are a byproduct of love or attachment. it just all hit me like a wall of water.

those feelings went away an hour ago but they were there. that part of me isn't dead. i have the ability and courage to love. God showed me that today. i have hope.

thank you, Lord.

[salvationthroughdeath]

65/365

I drown every day but there is One who loves me “I’m not finished yet”

[salvationthroughdeath]

still can’t believe it you’re exactly what I need I have found my home

[salvationthroughdeath]

judge me all you want you can just go fuck yourself I will stay joyful