Just morning thoughts...
I'm just here to ramble on about my morning drive and the thoughts bouncing around in my noggin. Because well, I need to feel more connected.
More connected to me, to feeling, to writing and creating... connected to something.
Because damn, I feel so far from myself. From my compass and direction.
I miss you so much, my angels.
The roads are covered in a soft snow.
The Moody Mix is hitting the spot 🎶 and I'm just pummeled with this overwhelming sense of gratitude, love and hope... yeah, HOPE... for a beautiful future.
That I am capable, even while carrying all of my sadness and hurt, of living a beautiful future.... even without you, to keep living it here with me.
Neon Gravestones by Twenty Øne Piløts was coming to an end as I turned down my grandmother's road... where she's lived my entire 30 years of life and these lyrics just snag through my skull, bringing me to tears.
"Find your grandparents or someone of age Pay some respects for the path that they paved To life they were dedicated Now, that should be celebrated!"
-Neon Gravestones - TØP
My grief journey has been rough, raw and down right hard to manage. But at some point during the fall season, I don't really know what exactly it was that got me to this moment- I like to think it was my Meekie's spirit guiding me. - But I realized the binary truth once again had found me. That utter sadness and heartbreak can coexist with joy, love and a full home bursting to life right in front of you... that I can be so lost without you, yet see the path leading me to more love right there.
These lyrics were another reminder that you had not been ready to leave this world. You weren't done living and your dedication to living, that should be celebrated.
I owe you every beautiful moment and smile I can possibly create 💛
Today and every day, I choose to live for you.
For me.
For my children.
For love, for connections and growth.
I choose to live.