#theboynamedme

[theboynamedme]

Careful thought

After giving it careful thought, I would not be falling in love with you any longer. For I’ve seen you will just waste my time and I’m not getting any younger. I’ve thought it through one more time and I have no strength to wait. We have done this lap once before and I already know my fate. Did I really think you were the one or did I just get that lonely? Well, I’ll be ghosting now. So long. I won’t pick up when you call me.

After giving it careful thought We’re not just right for each other And if it’s now you want to tell me how you feel Please don’t even bother.

[theboynamedme]

How the fuck do you live with anxiety?

How can you tell yourself you’re getting better when you’re not even sure what you’re suffering from. What do you do when you want to get better, But your mind can do everything but that one

How can you tell me I’m projecting, please behave. Do you know what I pass through every day? Do you know what I think when I'm in my cave? When I eat, when I laugh, when I play? Life can’t be this bad, I try to believe. What’s the worst thing that happens these days? Just a few murders and a few thefts where I live, And you want to tell me “This is a phase” The only thing that’ll make sense is when the sky does fall. I’ll finally have won that war. Fuck you anxiety, I’ve been through it all and I’ll ask you to go check the door. What do you do when your head is a mess, and all you want to do is live? What do I do, because my head is a mess and all I want to do is live.

[theboynamedme]

Standing by your door

I know I said I’ll take a place by standing at your door, but I’m having much more pain than I thought would occur. Now I have to make a case on why I should get more and I’m forced to play a game, and I don’t do that anymore. It’s hard to see someone as the sun but they don’t see you the same way. For all I know I’m just a lab rat or a pet or even clay. It’s hard to see someone as the one and see they cannot stay. Oh, words cannot explain the shit going through my head today. They’d say if I really loved you, I won’t so easily go. But I tend to suffer in silence, you just can’t easily know and I get that you just can’t trust, lies don’t just easily show but I can’t make you safe at my expense, I just can’t. Easily, No. I know I said I’ll take a place, but maybe I’d stay far I’m too familiar with this chase, and the energy isn’t par Now strangers on the street, sigh, this life isn’t fair. But at least, I have this sheet and my delirium is clear.

[theboynamedme]

You are the Sun

When I said you gave me strength, All of that was true. And when I said you’re heaven sent I’m sure that’s nothing to you. For you’re an Angel far from home, and it’s clear from how you shine. Brighter than Solomon's great ivory throne. How do I make you mine? Everything I learned of you was more with what I saw. So dear, make my dreams come true I can’t wait anymore. If the feelings are not the same I’ll still stand by your door. For love’s a bet and a risky game and I could not be more sure. So tell me all your hopes and dreams And let me make them true. Yes, tell me all your wildest dreams I would do them on cue. From everything I have seen I can tell you're the one You're one amazing human being You feel like the sun.

[theboynamedme]

Long for you no more

I’ll be telling you what you’re telling me. I’ll be giving you what you’re giving me. I’ll be seeing you how you’ve been seeing me. I’ll be leaving you, so be leaving me. The shit that I’ve been going through for you. Is the same shit I’ll be putting you through. You threw this out the door. I long for you no more. I'll be showing you what you're showing me. No, I'm not drunk you just don't know this me. there's really nothing else you need me to see. I'm leaving you, believe me. You thought I won't get up from this fall. You thought you could change it up with one call. You threw this out the door. I long for you no more. "The acting was poor, and heartbreak was sure. The loving was war and everything was sore. I made a big mistake, but not everything was fake (or at least I'd like to believe) You threw this out the door. I long for you no more"

[theboynamedme]

Forgiving myself

I gave you my heart and my soul and my mind and my body, my whole I gave up my thoughts, my control In my head happiness was the goal Now I see where I stand where I erred Where I looked when I shouldn’t have cared How I told you all the things I feared and you took them and trapped me in bed I gave you myself, it was clear And you lied and you filled me with fear Confused me with words so unclear And stripped me and left me so bare Leavings the best choice I made I don’t care the price that’s been paid Now I sit in this same place I was played and I forgive myself for "whyever" stayed

[theboynamedme]

Treat you better?

We’re now at the point that I’m Considering that I could treat you better Without knowing who you’re even with I don’t know where this confidence comes from, If I’m really capable or if it’s self-deceit Where on the “good guy” spectrum am I Why do I think that I should have it all My heart tells me lies, my heart always lies I have seen it many times, every time I fall Thinking ‘bout that point that I thought I could treat you better Don’t know why I felt like I could be the one You never told me you had a problem with your darkness I should have never thought of being your sun Oh it’s the season, it’s getting to that time again Right about that time where I get my heart broken On the bright side, it’s not all bad My creative self has awoken

[theboynamedme]

Nobody would love you (me) for free.

I’m thinking as I walk past the Gucci store what costs more, that watch or some love? If you are going to tell me what I’ve heard before, Just keep it cos I’ve seen enough. Am I unlucky or maybe just cursed? Is there something that’s wrong with me? I’ll tell you a story but just know this first. Nobody would love you for free!

She doesn’t care how my boring day went. All she wants is money from me. She tells me she loves me and I’m heaven sent. But she doesn’t love me for free.

My smile is unimpressive, notwithstanding she’ll take it. It’s not my face on that currency. She won’t see me when I’m broke, she won’t even make it. She didn’t plan to love me for free.

And I don’t trust those cuddles, she knows it makes me weak. She knows every weakness, you see? And with every kiss, a new bag she’ll pick. At least I know all of this is not for free.

To whoever’s in charge, listen to me, I have something to say, here’s my plea. Please keep love far away from me. because I know I can’t find love for free.