#theendtimesdoescrime

[the-end-times-are-here]

Felix: Arson? Oh, you mean crime brûlée

[the-end-times-are-here]

Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Ember: Do I have the ability tho?

Adrean: They don't. Good luck.

[the-end-times-are-here]

[chat]

Noah: Hey Maia, can I borrow 5000 bucks?

Maia: Why the h*ck do you need $5000?

Noah: For an escape room.

Felix: What kind of escape room costs $5000?

Noah: ...

Noah: Jail

[the-end-times-are-here]

Noah:I-want-to-do-crime-I-want-to-do-crime-I-want-to-do-crime

Felix: ...you okay?

Noah: Oh, I’ve been trying something new. Whenever I want to die, I’m going to say I want to do crime instead

Noah: That way I won’t!

Maia: Die or do crime?

Noah: Take your pick.

Felix: Do crime, don't die.

[the-end-times-are-here]

[Chat]

Noah: Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.

[the-end-times-are-here]

Adrean: Why is it when something bad happens it's always you three?

Maia: To be fair it wasn't entirely our fault this time.

Noah: Yea you have to put the blame on someone else.

Felix: No it was entirely us and we will probably do it again.

[the-end-times-are-here]

Ember: so how was y'alls day

Felix: I committed tax fraud

Adrean: so, a typical Monday

Adrean: What about you, Iris?

Iris: I said fuck

Adrean: you did what now

[the-end-times-are-here]

Iris: so how did he end up in the hospital?

Felix: natural causes.

Adrean: you pushed him off the fucking roof.

Felix: gravity is natural.