my conflicting feelings are demonstrated by my sadness and loneliness that no one replies to my posts, but my anxiety and discomfort if someone does.

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my conflicting feelings are demonstrated by my sadness and loneliness that no one replies to my posts, but my anxiety and discomfort if someone does.
laugh
it is as if i am walking within a vast blackness. a nothingness. around me, in all directions. and it stretches onwards unchanging. unyielding. with movement, i have numbed myself, so i keep moving, undoubtedly towards more nothing. the only source of light is the rat. and when he goes out, i will succumb. nobody can help me, not even myself. i am entirely alone within my despair. i have sentenced myself: i refuse to hope any longer.
If I was a different person, would we have worked out? Would we have lasted longer? Would you have loved me more? Or would you have never loved me at all?
face the dark side of you
is there an answer? for it, to this. If it’s there I can’t see, because I’m petrified of fear. Can’t even look inside of me, I’m in shock to see and even to face the brighest dark side of we. I’m not who I used to be. There’s no answer.
Why do y'all romanticize loneliness, lack of emotions, and mental illnesses? I mean I'm just sayin…I thought I was fucked up for having to endure it all, but I question if y'all are more fucked up than me for glorifying the shit.