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thesearemydetectivesocks replied to your photo: I bake pies and raise the dead; I live a very...

!!! very cute

aw shucks

#thesearemydetectivesocks #replies #keeping it fun and funky fresh #^u^

jackie/wade hp au. or alternatively an elder scrolls au. because reasons.

you say “elder scrolls” and i get stars in my eyes. three-sentence rule what three-sentence rule?

The Black Horse Courier route is as cushy as a daedroth is cuddly: it’s a cross-province trek at top speed in all weather, and Jackie spends a lot of nights bedded down in Bury’s stall because she doesn’t trust that he’ll still be there in the morning otherwise. Most of the innkeepers understand, at least, and only charge her half price, but the Council picks up the tab for the board anyway.

She’s small and thin enough that they keep her on the Green Road track through Sun’s Height, and she tolerates it because that keeps her out of Bruma and Chorrol during the winter. The Nords don’t like Bosmer any more than they do the other elves, and they hate the Dunmer, so her status as a cross-breed doesn’t do her any favors. And amongst the Argonians and Khajiit she can call herself Jackie, not Jack, without such a cold current of fear in her blood. She gets less time in Cheydinhal during the winter too, on account of the cold, which she doesn’t mind. Full-blooded Dunmer tend realize how far they have to look down at her when she’s not on horseback and get even more aloof.

The Gold Road is fine. Just… it’s fine. Skingrad’s as prissy as they come, and Kvatch isn’t much better, but the Anvil docks are full of raucous, interesting sorts, and the weather is good and the road is safer and easier than tracking through the mountains, so she doesn’t complain.

The Imperial City, though – that’s her home. She doesn’t trust Snak gra-Bura any further than she could throw her, but there are other stablehands who seems less likely to snack on Bury: there’s Winston, the ugliest high elf she’s ever seen, and Regan, a full-blooded Bosmer who clearly likes horses better than people and doesn’t care who knows it.

There’s also Wade. He’s nothing – a wannabe theater performer who bartends at The Feed Bag and sometimes hauls boxes around the waterfront while he waits for the economy to pull itself out of the gutter so theaters will start looking for talent. He’s fine. He’s nice. He’s pretty – Altmer-pretty, Altmer and Dunmer, another cross-breed. Owns a tiny shack down on the waterfront, tidy for all its smallness, has a habit of fostering Thieves Guild members who fall too far onto the wrong side of the law. He’s never going to go anywhere. And he’s always warm, day and night, even when there’s snow on the ground and she’s frozen to the bone. He wants to get a blessing from the Lucky Old Lady statue someday, and to meet M’aiq the Liar, and to watch the sunset from the Anvil lighthouse: silly, romantic wishes, and sometimes she almost says yes, sure, let’s go, but-

But there’s never enough money, never enough time to go away, because there are always taxes due, and Bury needs new shoes, and the Council is mandating that this issue get out now, so help them, Count Kvatch needs to know this (not that she’s ever met Count or Countess of anything – she gets the stewards, sometimes, more often a message runner with snot dripping from their nose and welts on their spine). The Black Horse Courier never has enough riders; there’s always a chance that, next week, a playhouse might have an open spot.

Wade’s not going anywhere, but she always is. If she’s lucky, she gets three nights out of a week in the City – more likely two, sometimes just one during the spring and fall, when she’s riding most or all of the circuit. There are things she’d like to promise about a someday, but she doesn’t want to lie, not to him – she already lies to everyone: Jack, just a stunted Dunmer, not a half-breed; the horse is a nag, he’s not worth anything, don’t take him, don’t touch me.

#thesearemydetectivesocks #asks #three sentence fic #NOT #oblivion #rhinos write shit #jackie #wade #jackie x wade

thesearemydetectivesocks replied to your post: piesaltandscars replied to your post: ...

HE WAS SHAVING HIS LEGS AND I WASNT EVEN THAT SHOCKED BUT HE APPARENTLY DIDNT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW SO HE GAVE ME A DEATH GLARE AND I CRIED AND HEGRABBED ME BY THE COLLAR AND ORDERED ME TO CLEAN THE ATTIC AND IT WAS SO INTENSE

PIP WHAT EVEN GOES ON IN YOUR BRAIN WTF

#thesearemydetectivesocks #i have no words #words with pip

thesearemydetectivesocks replied to your post: i had the nicest dream last night and im still...

i had a dream levi made me clean an attic where a titan was who tried to tell me a knock knock joke and i cried

whAT

pip

why

#thesearemydetectivesocks #what even made your mind conjure that scenario hwat #im just #words with pip

i'm so fucking mad rn oh my god

so there is literally a restaurant called cafe on the ave and they have really good fries and coffee and decent sandwiches so i went there for my saturday 'good job you actually did homework' treat and i brought a shitload of work i needed to finish with me because that's a nice place to just curl up with food and work for a while

and i was there for like an hour or something and plowing through the last of my reading and i'd finished my sandwich and was munching on fries and drinking coffee and i finish the last page of reading and stick the book in my bag and look up

and there is the fucking lighter-skinned-but-other-wise-spot-on version of wade standing behind the counter

i almost screamed

and then instead of screaming, screamed at pip in a succession of text messages

and then spent half an hour (A LITERAL THIRTY MINUTES OF MY LIFE) trying to get a decent picture of the guy to show her which never really happened because the asshole kept whistling and doing little dances and moving around AND HE WAS SMILING AT EVERYONE I AM SO UPSET WITH LIFE RN I JUST HAVE A BUNCH OF SLIGHTLY BLURRY ONES HE WAS SO INFURIATING

I SWEAR TO FUCKING SHIT I ALMOST WENT UP TO HIM TO TELL HIM HE LOOKED LIKE AN ACTOR I KNEW OR SMTH AND COULD I GET A PICTURE TO SHOW MY FRIEND I

I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF THE PANSEXUAL AUSTRALIAN I'VE BEEN WRITING ABOUT FOR THE LAST TEN MONTHS TO GET DROPPED INTO MY LAP IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MEAL

MY PLANS FOR TONIGHT INCLUDED LAUNDRY AND SONS OF ANARCHY NOT PHOTO-STALKING A BARISTA AND YELLING ABOUT HIM ON THE INTERNET

*frustrated screaming*

*frustrated crying*

*stomps off*

#thesearemydetectivesocks #the literary rhinoceros #rhinos go to college