#thesis angst

[saintjustitude]

New year, new me! Tried working on my thesis again!!! ...It's a complete failure. I had a panic attack the moment I saw how disorganized my draft is. It's like Frankenstein's monster but not stitched together yet. It's just a bunch of parts.

/hyperventilates

[saintjustitude]

I've been working for almost 2 hours (1 hour and 45 minutes) and I'm not even nowhere near finishing 3.3.3 yet. /despair

[saintjustitude]

So I’ve been working on that preamble criticizing Hilary Mantel and it’s very good so far - and very upsetting. I think I’m dissociating.

[saintjustitude]

105 hours.

That's how much I worked on my thesis from Jan 22 to today. 40 days.

Yeah a lot of progress has definitely been made.

Have the last few days just been harder emotionally, or is my flame already starting to burn out?

[saintjustitude]

I'm finally going to get my financial aid for this year. I can finally get back to work. That's one stress I'm done with...

...but that leaves me 9 months to finish, just like my M.A. thesis. Another fucking baby. Ugh. Good thing I'm never getting real babies -_-

[theaeolianharpist]

Help me, I don’t know how to science :( I can’t read these papers... but I have to read these papers... so that I have background to talk about... rather than just math/computation... not that I have much of that either... agh.

(tw under the cut)

I’m literally visualizing cutting my own throat (not that there’s the slightest chance I ever would) because I apparently can’t deal with this very well.

[lennlish]

So for my thesis

I'm gonna draw butts. Butt thesis.