zoe/audrey + dealing w/ feelings after the ayahuasca kiss
for @thetwistedfaun, who’s way too patient with me <3
Audrey doesn't think about the kiss that much.
Yeah, she remembers it. Shit, she remembers it so well that she can almost feel it. But she doesn't think about it. Hardly at all. Except sometimes when she's in the shower, or before she falls asleep, or in the middle of a class.
But, like, it's very minimal.
And it's all fine. She's handling it pretty well, honestly. She talked to Noah first thing the morning after and smoothed over any weirdness, so they're good. It's good.
Until she runs into Zoe in the hallway.
"Oh," Zoe says, eyes going a little wide. "Hey."
Audrey doesn't know why her mouth goes dry. "Uh, hey," she says, stroking her hand over the back of her neck. "Sup?"
Zoe gives her a soft smile. "Just, you know, trying to go to English."
"Right," Audrey says, and steps to the side. "My bad. Didn't mean to hold you up."
"It's cool," Zoe says, walking hurriedly away from her in a way that seems decidedly uncool. "Good to see you!" She calls over her shoulder.
"Yeah," Audrey calls out after her. "See you around."
And it's probably just her overreacting, but it feels so awkward that it sits wrong in the back of her mind for the rest of the day.
A few days later, she walks up on Zoe and Noah kissing. They break apart when they realize she's there, and Zoe looks up at her with an inscrutable expression that makes Audrey itch.
It's not until later that night, when she's three hours deep into analyzing the look on Zoe's face, that she realizes exactly how fucking bad she's got it for this girl. And, man, does she wish she hadn't realized it.
Because it's inconvenient. And it's morally reprehensible. And it's... just, such a bad road.
Zoe is her best friend's girlfriend.
She can't do this. She can't feel this.
But then she thinks about soft, full lips on hers. Of Zoe's hand cradling her chin. The fleeting tease of tongue against hers. God, she'd do an embarrassing amount of shit to feel that again.
It doesn't matter. Zoe is off limits, and that's how it is. It doesn't matter if Audrey is up late thinking about her. Doesn't matter if she makes a playlist or two about it. Doesn't matter if she can't stop. She has to stop.
So the next time she sees Zoe, she gives her a polite nod and keeps on walking. She does it again the next time she sees her, and the time after that.
And she's proud of herself. It doesn't have to be awkward. She doesn't have to feel feelings. It can all just be cool.
Casual.
Until.
"Hey!" Zoe calls out from behind her.
Audrey turns around, and Zoe is following her through the double doors.
"You need something?" Audrey asks, trying her best for nonchalance.
Zoe steps in closer. Well, shit. There goes that.
"Yeah," Zoe says. "I need to understand why you've been avoiding me."
Audrey fumbles. "What? I haven't been. I don't know what you're even talking about."
Zoe rolls her eyes. "Oh, because yeah, that's really convincing."
Audrey sighs, exasperated. "What exactly do you want me to say?"
"How about the truth?" Zoe says, arching a brow, daring.
Oh. No, that wouldn't be good. It wouldn't be.
But.
"You really want the truth?" Audrey asks.
Zoe nods. "Please."
Okay. They're in the middle of the school parking lot, and she's still her best friend's girl, but fuck it. She wants the truth? She can damn well have it.
"Fine," Audrey says. "The truth is, I can't stop thinking about that kiss at the party. I don't know if you even remember it, but I remember it vividly enough for both of us, probably. And it's fucking me up, okay?"
Zoe is closer now than she was before, Audrey thinks. Shit, she has to be. She's close enough that she can smell the sweet, floral perfume Zoe's wearing. Close enough to see the sheen of lip balm on her lips.
Fuck, she's so beautiful.
"You wanna know what I think?" Zoe asks.
Audrey isn't sure. She nods anyway.
Zoe steps in even closer, and Audrey's breath hitches.
"I think," she says, fingers coming up to trace Audrey's jawline, "that I wanna kiss you again."
Audrey doesn't know how to speak. She doesn't. She just nods again, lips parted, and waits, dumbstruck.
Zoe leans in slow, teasing. Her breath ghosts across Audrey's lips, and it's too much and not enough and Audrey closes the distance between their mouths.
And somehow, it's better than she remembered.
Zoe's hand is cradling her jaw, and Audrey slips her tongue past Zoe's parted lips, teases as much as she can stand until it pulls a noise from Zoe that makes Audrey's insides ache. And, fuck, why does this feel so good?
Audrey's hands are on Zoe's waist. Zoe's other hand is in Audrey's hair, and it's so good, so right. Audrey doesn't understand anything beyond this anymore. This is all she needs to know.
When they come up for air, Zoe laughs.
"What?" Audrey asks.
"Nothing," Zoe says, shaking her head, smiling hazily. "Just. You like me."
Audrey can't even be defensive. There's no longer an option for denial. So she leans into it.
"Yeah," she says. "I like you so fucking much."
Zoe brushes her nose softly against Audrey's.
"At this point," Zoe says, pausing to quickly peck Audrey's lips, "it would be unbelievable if I said I didn't feel the same."
Audrey smiles against Zoe's lips.
"What should we do about this?" Audrey asks.
Zoe smiles back, gorgeously devious. "I do have an idea," she says. "It involves a lot more kissing."
"I'm all in," Audrey says, and kisses her again.







