I’ve always wondered about when I was a little girl. I remember when the abuse started with my stepdad. I remember the exact day. In my spiritual life, the question I have always had is why does that happen to little girls. How could you let that happen to me?
So, I’ve been asking you about it, and thinking it through and I think I’ve figured some of it out. I read in When Godly People Do UnGodly Things, by Beth Moore, that You sift us like wheat. You are getting rid of the parts of us that we don’t need - the parts of us that are weak. I also know from James 1 that we should “consider if pure joy” to be tested and tempted, because going through that strengthens us. It strengthens our faith and helps us to persevere. It GROWS us.
The thing I’ve been wrong about this whole time is that I thought that was my test. Isn’t that silly? I was a child. That was someone else’s test. Someone else was being tempted..being talked to by Satan..being overcome by evil. He failed that test. He was sifted like wheat but all that was left was the worst him. I was the innocent victim of that failed test.
And guess what? I’m not the only innocent victim of other’s failed trials! The people shot in the church in Texas - they were innocent victims of that man’s sin. I was not the only innocent victim on one man’s demon. What a revelation! Every single sin has a victim. Even my sin! There have been innocent victims of my own sins!
I’m being sifted now. I feel it. I am being convicted on my own sin, too. My sin is abominable to God! I am a victim of my own sin, also! No sin goes unpunished.
I thank you God for helping me to discern this. It has plagued me for my whole adult life. I thank you for every verse, every song, every book, every word from a friend that brought me to this realization. I thank you for being in my heart and being the voice of truth. Right now, Satan’s voice strong inside me - reminding me of my worthlessness, my failures...telling me over and over that I am a lost cause. I thank you for the times I hear You more clearly than him.
