save face.
i'm a firm believer in starting your new year's resolution before new year's. i feel like it makes the resolution easier to achieve, because you aren't building up all kinds of anticipation. truthfully, the second i come up with a goal, i try to implement it the second i thought of it. why put it off until monday, next week, next month, january 1st, whatever. just get to it.
now i'm by no means saying that i'm perfect at keeping my resolutions. hell, how many times have i lagged on this here blog project? but, for myself, when i just do as opposed to planning to do, my results are better.
having said all of this, last night i decided my resolution on my drive home: stop caring what people think.
over the past few months, situations continue to present themselves with family, friends, whoever, that slap me into realizing i care far too much what others think. from never wanting to go out in public without my face on, to having to have mama jules approval on where i move/if i move. i have had my feelings hurt because of rumors, i have people pleased against my better judgement.
truthfully, my guy called me on this. more than once. and the funny thing is, as defensive as i wanted to get about this behavior trait, i realized that defense was really just my stubborn personality trying to deny the truth in it. he has a point. a really good point.
my decisions are mine. i need to be right with them. i need to just do.
so it was decided. stop caring so much. build thicker skin. or something.
i got home and immediately took off my makeup. i scrubbed my skin free. sure i had yoga last night. but who cares, no one i know will be there. no one will see my skin, it's dark in the studio. i'll never see these strangers again, except for in yoga. i shouldn't be clogging my pores by wearing the makeup. i shouldn't be that girl with a full face on who just sweats it all off. so off it went. and i felt good. i almost forgot i had done so...
until i walked into the studio. first the girl behind the counter happens to be a friend of a friend who i had recently partied with in vegas. then my instructor happened to be the girl who dated my ex boyfriend after i dated him. then an old friend from high school and his wife come walking into the studio and place their mats literally right next to mine. and finally an old classmate from college comes running in late to class.
seattle is a small town.