#this got existential

[thenorthendofhell]

39 / 33 👀👀👀🍈

39. describe your aesthetic

My dream aesthetic: Victorian goth celebrating Halloween everyday of the year

My actual aesthetic: comfortably wrapped in big shirts and sweatpants, there are fans on at all times of the year, finding your favorite eraser in your bedsheets, papers everywhere, fairy lights, long floral skirts that I collect bc my mom hates them

33. what do you think about a lot

Nothing. My stories and characters. Damian. Where is the edge of the universe? What should I draw today? I wonder if we have bread. How pretty can I make this oc. Why was I born in this time? Ben 10. Is there an edge to the universe there has to be and if there is is there another universe next to it and what type of matter separates them? Is the universe similar to ours? Does it have to be? Or is existence like living on a bookshelf? Never peering into your neighbor but knowing they’re there, knowing they have stories you’ll never know? Is it what we expect it to be? How could we assume that other universes are just mirrors of us? What if, like the book shelf, it’s just another story? You turn the corner while walking down the street and you’re in another neighborhood , who’s to say that not what the universe is? What exactly is black matter? Will my favorite characters ever be happy? What’s at the bottom of the ocean? Do I want to know? How old is the universe? How old am I? How old is my soul? How old are the atoms and star dust that make up my body? How old is life? How do we work? What are we exactly? Are we the first of our kind or were there others before us who looked just like us? Where does fear come from? Why do we hurt each other? Did my neighbor enjoy that Ben 10 fanfic I airdropped to them and why did they accept it in the first place?

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

matte

Hi nonnie!! Thank you for the ask!!! 🥰

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Um. Yes. And now I’m re-evaluating all of my life choices, I- excuse me, I have to- I just need to- ahem

[moonlightmancer]

🍞 🧶🍀

cooking or baking?

Here Is The Thing, I love them both equally but I have a Massive sweet tooth I am the smilodon of chocolate and sugar so BAKING

how does your favourite song make you feel?

Well, my favorite song for the past three years has been Oleander by Mother Mother cus it’s very Special to me, but there’s lots of MM songs high up on the list. Oleander specifically reflects something of me and my past that makes me feel good considering how much I’ve grown and what I’ve overcome, so it’s like, determination, melancholic nostalgia, and hope.

what's one thing you wish people knew about you?

Prepare, for we are about to get Deep™️

So, woodpecker skulls have a weird cavity in them, and they’re a bit bigger than their brains actually require, and that’s bevause to protect their little squishy minds they wrap their ungodly long tongues around the interiors of their skulls like the hell birds they are. This allows them to hammer their faces against solid surfaces everting 1200-1400 Gs of force per hit.

This, my friends, is what I am emotionally. I am a woodpecker. I have a hard outer shell (skull) protected by some weird emotions and defenses (tongue) that make it very hard for things to actually get to me (my proverbial brain, as it were).

I guess I hope the people who are in my inner circle know that when I tell them I care about them, I mean it, and I don’t say it to just anyone. I’ve got your back. I really, really care about you. You got through my walls. I mean what I say. And I usually don’t hesitate to tell people who I don’t like or don’t trust or whatever my opinion of them.

I love you, and I care about you, and you’re in my Little Woodpecker Heart. I’ll go to bat for you and I’ll lift you up on my shoulders whenever you need it.

And, ironically, the only people who have been able to successfully emotionally wound me are people who I let into that sphere of my being. It’s hard for me to open that up, but when I do, it means everything to me.

I guess it boils down to me wanting people to know that I’ve been through it—I was a genuinely bad person, I fucked up bad, and it still shows through sometimes. But I want to be better, and I’ve come a long, long way. That I love hard and sometimes it bites me. But I’m not gonna stop.

And if anybody wants to be my friend, I’m always happy to make some more.

[smoakingtardis]

PASS THE HAPPY ALONG!! :) When you get this, answer with five things that make you happy, and pass the happy along to ten nice people! 💕

Lovely Aman, thanks for sending me this!

Five things that make me happy:

1. Traveling. Sometimes stressful, but always rewarding and that’s what matters most.

2. Television, books, and films. Media. It’s my little escape from the pressures of adult life.

3. Being around my favorite people. Whether it’s via the internet or meeting for coffee, I love connecting with people I care about.

4. History. I love the why, when, where and how questions. I love that I chose to study it for university. I love learning things that others deem unimportant or boring. It’s so interesting. I could go on for hours so I’ll stop now.

5. Landscapes, skylines. Cities and countrysides. There’s just something about being in a place; breathing it in. Growing accustomed to your surroundings. Whether new or old, it doesn’t matter. It’s just lovely to…exist.