❥ uncover.
summary: the atmosphere is so warm ⸻ so why does it feel so icy?
her parents’ laughter bounces off the walls, echoing all the way to her room. even with her music playing in her headphones at nearly max volume, she could hear them as if they were only feet away.
it’s almost mocking; like multiple stab wounds to the heart as a reminder she couldn’t join not because she can’t, but a different way of letting her know that she shouldn’t. her parents were masters of making her feel unwelcome in a space that used to comfort her so much, but maybe she's been gone for too long for her room to maintain the same healing effect it once had all those years ago.
now, her childhood bedroom remains intact as a reminder that the little girl that once lived here still has scars that have yet to heal. she still exists deep within the strong woman yang hyerin forces herself to be, hidden under shell she continues to harden so no one would hurt her anymore. somehow, regardless of how hard she tries to steel herself in the presence of her parents, it always seems like there’s a crack she doesn’t account for that begins to chip away the longer she stays in the same space as them.
it’s unfortunate to admit that even without uttering a single word to her, they still manage to destroy all of her defenses and cause her image to crumble in seconds.
is this how it will always be? what will it take to change this never-ending cycle?
she only wanted to bask in her parents’ love and affection — was that so wrong for a little girl to want? she could never understand why it was so hard for them to give her a fraction of what they gave to her sister, constantly questioning what she did that had them turning their backs on their youngest when she reached for their hands to hold. she can no longer remember how many nights she spent crying hoping for the answer to make itself known, even if it would be the final nail in the coffin. at least she would have closure, and be able to move on with her life.
it was hard not to be bitter as she watched her parents immediately warm up to her sister’s husband earlier in the evening, who was previously an outsider up until the moment her sister introduced him as her boyfriend to the family all those years ago. with a tight-lipped smile, she could only watch with disappointment swimming in her eyes as they praised him for his lifestyle and interests. he's ‘the son they always wanted,’ as her father claimed.
she can’t be mad at him because he is a genuine person. she, too, wants to join in on praising him if only her pride would allow her.
this isn’t the first time they have shown love for someone else, but even she knows that their praise is a rare occurrence. it was like a trophy for being worthy of their respect — worthy of the love they only give to those who they can trust to not disappoint them.
and as someone who isn’t her sister, or even the same caliber in her parents’ eyes, she was never going to be worthy.
she accepted the fact that she will always be her sister’s antithesis a long time ago, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
"hyerin.”
why is her sister’s voice so loud right now? isn’t her volume at max?
“hyerin.”
she reluctantly pauses the song, sliding the headphones off her head. “yes?”
“won’t you come back to join us?”
no. that is the exact opposite of what she wants and needs right now. spending time in a room full of people who forgot she was in the same house seems like a horrible idea. still, deep down she desperately wants to be close to her sister. maybe she could be selfish for a little bit and keep her here until their parents begin calling for them again. “i think i’m still feeling jet-lagged from the plane ride back home... so i’ll be staying here for the rest of the night.”
“okay, but you should come downstairs when you feel like it.”
she watches in horror as her sister turns to leave, jumping off her childhood bed to stop her. “wait !” her sister doesn’t fully turn to her — her heart breaks a little upon seeing the disinterest in the older woman’s eyes — and stops just a foot away from where she was standing at the door. “can’t we talk up here for a bit? there’s so much i want to tell you.”
her sister doesn’t move from her spot, only turning around to face her. their relationship was never as good as hyerin made it seem to the public, but it was less shameful than to admit that she had no one to call family. still, she always hoped that maybe she was always reading her sister’s expressions wrong the entire time. when her sister eyes her, as if telling her to continue her thoughts, hyerin feels helpless; she’s almost like their parents, except she only feels loving when she wants to be. hyerin never knows when to expect her affection but craves for it all the time.
“the bracelet you gave me... it really helped me get through some tough days while i was away, you know?” her sister’s eyes soften a little, and she takes it as encouragement to continue. maybe she’s breaking her walls? “i never took it off ! i even added more charms like you suggested, too. to be honest, it was a lot harder to pick out which ones i liked best, they had so many cute ones ! oh, and i even brought you—”
“what’s taking so you long, yiyeon? we’ve been waiting for you to come back.” her mother’s voice is heard before she rounds the corner, and hyerin immediately shrinks under her gaze. “hyerin, stop bothering your sister.”
her eyes go wide for a moment, before her eyes travel to her sister. an unreadable expression is on her face again, and the helpless feeling from earlier returns full-force. ‘please say something !’ is what her eyes are silently screaming, however her sister is no longer looking her way. the girl shrinks even more, unable to say the words on the tip of her tongue. why couldn’t her sister be on her side?
“don’t worry. hyerin was just saying good night to me, and that she was sorry for feeling unwell right now.” her face completely falters, yet she can’t refute her sister’s words — it was an unnecessary, losing battle. her sister finally turns back to her, a gentle expression on her face in spite of the cold words she previously voiced out. why was she requesting for hyerin’s presence if she was going to brush her off like this now? how is it that she stays so hot and cold with her? “she just wanted me to relay the message.”
nodding, she reaches for the door to close it — she just needed to be alone again. “yes... i’m sorry. it seems like i’m still not used to flying on a plane.” she gives a sheepish grin, regardless if the statement is far from the truth.
they don’t care.
“if you’ll excuse me, i’d like to rest now. please enjoy the rest of the evening.”
she loathes speaking to her family as if they are strangers, so devoid of emotion or care. what can she do when they speak to her the same way? once the door is shut, she turns the lights off and crawls back into her former bed. the tears don’t fall like they used to when her sister did this in the past, but she knows her younger self is crying deep inside. their relationship wasn’t always like this, she’s almost certain, but she can’t remember a time where it wasn’t, either.
when she finally falls asleep, some hours later after contemplating her life up until this moment (as spending time around her family usually makes her question all of the choices she’s ever decided to make), she’s unable to sleep peacefully. she’d love nothing more but to dream, wanting to be as far from reality as she possibly could be, though unfortunately the night has other plans.
she wakes just before sunrise, and as if she were in a trance, she begins packing her things. she doesn’t even know why she decided to come here, where she only feels uncomfortable and unguarded.
then again, she never has the heart to deny her sister. after all these years, hyerin still longs for her affection too.
hopefully this will be the last time — she’s uncertain if she can trust her heart.
she leaves as soon as she can, finally feeling like she can breathe comfortably once she’s in an uber, heading farther and farther from her ‘family’ and closer to the sun, where she feels real warmth for the first time in forty-eight hours.