#this seriously happened

[totallyrealambersweet]

Blind Mag tried to push me down a flight of stairs once because she knew I could sing better..

[yoku-yukihime]

got locked on my twitter acc because i threatened yorihime /gen

[nnay-naee]

I have a German friend who lives here in Italy. Once I asked her how would she take care of her personal hygiene in Germany without a bidet, she awnsered "What's that? That thing you wash your feet in?"

My good God.

[leonardsparka]

Arthur: *breathes*

Panther, appearing out of nowhere: You’re dead.

[the-prince-and-the-thief]

“Hi, I’m Ren Amamiya, and four people found out my secret identity as a phantom thief in a week.” 

[corpseclownn]

8 y/o me: I wish I was a cat

8 y/o me: *plays Skyrim for first time*

8 y/o me:

8 y/o me: fr*ck yeah

[maddie-sama]

Me, to my coworkers on break: anyone here like fuckin vamipres?

Coworkers: ???

Me: Wait

[afictionaladventure16]

My dad: I lost my-

Me: Your sanity?

My dad: *stays silent for a second* yeah, I lost it shortly after you lost yours.

Me: I never had one to begin with...

My dad: Why are you like this?