You want to talk about my anxious attachment. Look to peg me for what I am. I know it and I try not to let it play in my mind.
But you do.
I picture you exasperated looking at another unanswered, unprompted message and it makes me feel like an idiot.
How do I move past this obsession. Looking at messages. Dwelling on a feeling that surely will go away.
Feel like numbing myself is the only answer. The only logical thing I have left.
Everything else seems like a fantasy now.
I don’t want this. I never really did. I wanted to let it go but now it feels like I can’t. Feels like I’m a second, third, fourth, option AGAIN and it make me want to go away.
WHY.
WHY.
WHY.
I want to find someone who loves me. I want to find someone who loves me. Not out of convenience.
Or desperation.
But really sees me.
I’m sad now.
Because I always hope for the best.
This isn’t it.