#thisisthefunvee

[theshieldjanitor]

Did I mention that I hate you?

                                       You might have said something about it.

[theshieldjanitor]

Ted and the Incorrect Quotes

[v-p-potts]

"Howard, your feathers are looking extra fluffy tonight," Pepper said, swirling her wine around in its glass coyly. "Why Mr. the Duck, I do believe you are trying to seduce me."

Tony, stop sending your wierdo fanfiction to my work email.  It's hard enough avoiding it at home.

[themagnetprotectingstarksheart]

New Program // @ this-is-the-fun-vee

this-is-the-fun-vee

PROGRAM STARTING UP

Her eyes flickered open as images began to bombard her. Oxygen filled her new lungs as the Arc Reactor slowly sat up. She was no longer nestled inside Tony Stark’s chest… Now she was in a human body. Her new eyes looked at her hands as she moved them, shock and fear coming over her, two brand new emotions she had never known before.

PHYSICAL MOVEMENT TESTING COMPLETE

Then she felt a surge of energy rush through her entire form. It was like getting electrocuted but about twelve thousand times worse. And then there was the glow. A soft blue glow began to emanate from her hair and eyes. The dress surrounding her body was of the silk variety with silver trimming and blue fabric. Her body shook once more as two more connections were made; one with her creator, Tony Stark. The other with his AI, JARVIS. Images and numbers and names flooded her mind and it was almost too much.

ENERGY CONNECTION COMPLETE

Until one name kept repeating itself over and over and over in her head. 

"Alumina, Alumina, Alumina, Alumina, Alumina, ALUMINA!"

The name shouted itself into her mind and the only thing she could do was repeat the name.

"A-a-a-al-l-lu-u-um-m-mina." 

VOCAL TESTING COMPLETE

And it was then that every language known to man filled her mind as well. She grabbed her head to try and sort it.

She looked upwards, glowing eyes meeting the form of a tall man… With a glowing circle in the center of his chest. Her eyes widened as she realized who it was.

And a pounding began in her chest.

BIOLOGICAL PROCESSES COMPLETE

[v-p-potts]

That side of my face has finally healed, thanks!

Tony: I brought you tacos. The delicious kind with the dorito shells. Did you know I finally got Pepper to try one?

Eira: What’d Pepper think of them?

[v-p-potts]

*boop*

Oh good, just in time to burp the baby.  Were you sleeping or working?

[v-p-potts]

Hydrogen Fusion drabble

It was long and terrible and Tony was mostly useless.  The pain would crawl over Pepper's tightening abdomen and she couldn't talk, couldn't do anything except writhe sometimes.

The early hours of birth, when she worried about what she would do in front of the men, faded along with her concept of time.  Tony was ordered out of the room, 20 minutes before Pepper screamed and begged for him and made animal noises with her face against his neck.  She could tell that Bruce was a little worried, a little fragile, but she finally broke and could do nothing but blindly trust.

For a few hours, the bath soothed, and she was even able to doze with her head propped on the edge and one of her boys watching her (and they did not speak of the secret-- as nerve-wracking as the process was, it continued for hours and hours and hours and boredom set in, even as their wife wept and moaned).

Any time either of them brought up drugs, she would glare or shove at the offending man.  Pepper wanted them oh god she wanted the pain to end someday, over and over it attacked like hammers on bones for hours but the memory of the Extremis treatment lingered in her hindbrain, and even as desperate as she was, she could not bring herself to have someone inject chemicals into her spine, and Bruce was not an anesthesiologist.

The water's touch changed to an annoyance, one more stimulus lapping across her skin, and she endured Bruce's touch as he helped her out and the horrible grating feel of the luxury towel that Tony dried her with.

She needed to move, she needed-- her whole body was forcing downwards and she went to her knees in the bedroom.

"Pepper, you're pushing, we should move you to the bed--" she batted away the hands and moaned.

So it was there on the rug that Pepper, her head buried in Tony's neck, her hands digging into his elbows like claws, pushed and fought and birthed their daughter.  Bruce made excited sounds that she couldn't decipher as her body burned to stretch around the baby's head.

Bruce had Pepper lean back against Tony before he placed the baby on Pepper's belly and she looked down.  It was hot and red and wet with dark whorls of hair pasted to her scalp and she was Pepper's daughter, had come out of Pepper's body, was Pepper's family.  The little baby made bleating, testing sounds, and then started to cry.  So did her new mother.

The cord was cut and Bruce instructed Tony on a few tasks, all of which Pepper ignored.  She held her baby up up against her heart-- her hands absolutely steady in supporting the infant, and leaned into Bruce's shoulder while he took care of the aftermath of the birth.  The moment he allowed her to, she curled up in the nest of blankets and towels that Tony had constructed.

With encouragement, Pepper helped her new daughter nurse for the first time, and still she wept.

Hands wrapped blankets around Pepper, around the sweet tiny body that she held, and she looked up.

"Thank you," she told her husbands, her voice rough and thin.  "Thank you for letting me have her."

[v-p-potts]

Hydrogen Fusion: part 2

Pepper rolled over.  God, she felt awful, but her cumbersome body was tugging her awake again.  She supported her belly with her arm as sat up, and since Bruce wasn't awake to see, she allowed herself a wide-stanced heave to get out of bed.

She felt better after visiting the bathroom and returned to bed, but it wasn't long before the ache returned.  Her due date had come and gone a week ago, and while the thought of labor did strike her mind, she mostly just felt tired and achy.

Half an hour later she abandoned the bed again and that was when she ran into Tony in the hallway.  Pacing.

"What?" she asked, immediately sensing his worries.  She closed the door behind her.  "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything.  Well technically I did do--"

"What kind of damag--"

"--but I'm not calculating the likelihood of my direct resp--"

"No, how much?  Did you have Reed over?  He's smarter than--"

"Not thinking about damage, thank you, and I resent the implication that Richards--"

Pepper groaned here.  She couldn't deal with cleanup, couldn't deal, she hurt and was huge and waddling and didn't want to evacuate at this hour and at this stage of her pregnancy.  She grabbed Tony's arm.

"Breathe," said Tony, hyperventilating in her face to show her how to do it.  "Did you wake up Bruce?  Bruce!"

There was a vague sound from the bedroom.  Dr. Banner did not exit slumber gracefully, ever.

"Breathe, breathe," he continued, his hands all over Pepper's arms and shoulders as he tried to support her.  She swatted at him, which he ignored.  "I've been tracking your body and your contractions--"

"-- god that's creepy--"

"--are getting closer together with a little bit of variat-- Bruce?"

Tony and Pepper argued about whether or not Tony was allowed to watch Bruce check her cervix throughout the whole cervix-checking operation.

"Yeah, um, guys, there's some definite dilation there and with the pattern-- I think we're going to have a baby today?"  Bruce seemed to be going for optimism as he removed his gloves but fell somewhat short of the goal.  He looked a little green around the edges and Pepper was going to have to eject Tony from the room if he didn't calm down soon.  She was starting to feel a little bit of panic.

"Okay.  That's good," she said firmly, trying to reassure them both.  "Get me my phone.  I need to call Rhodey."

That's when she realized that she was seated in warm and wet sheets, and even though she knew that it was probably her water breaking, she still tried to figure out how to get her husbands out of the room so she could clean this up herself.  Oh god they were going to see her big and bloody and covered with fluids and Tony would never think of her as pretty again and this home birth thing was a terrible idea, the worst she'd ever had, why didn't she insist on a traditional hospital no-husband event?

"Rhodey?" Tony argued through this.  "I don't think he's going to be on board with this.  I don't think we've settled who is going to cut the cord but he is not on the list this time, I don't care which senator you call."

Three sentences and she hadn't interrupted him.  She couldn't.  Her body had crafted between her hips a new sort of pain, overwhelming to the senses like a full orchestra striking a chord.  She was still with her mouth open and Tony's words were so distant and unimportant that her mind didn't even bother assigning meaning to the sound.

And then, next to her ear, Bruce's voice: "Breathe, sweetheart."  She inhaled.  She had forgotten to.