#thmfb

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tiny house ornament

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family portraits, 1922

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arrowhead fig 1

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coarse now, no tears came out sip wine, as if I can imagine the pain

hate the way these organs feel inside my body -raw burn in my abdomen -no reason apparently except scar tissue and who knows what endometriosis mess want no surgeries poking around in there again or in my ear violated (surgically) before I could understand the terms

sliced, a clench created don’t know what it’s like not to feel taut shoulders would astound you, knotted roots and rivers rocks stop complaining, remember your father’s hands warmed yours in the truck, dump and cemetery runs made him smile when I told him I remembered

his little dolly, earlier in the year

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bathroom, 2006

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bedroom, 2017

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2001

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what am I supposed to do with a crown? a feeling that compels me to check on him in his room I think no one’s there, until I hear breathing from the bed go to him and realize he is crying on his back in the dark

I cry too, take each other’s hands hold him and concentrate on the feeling in the center of my forehead

Saw me crying earlier that day, called me his “little sweetie” I was, once a sweet girl

I’ll feel better tomorrow, he says tomorrow is here, talked about hospice care with the doctor asked if I was okay, didn't know what to say and stutter “It’s just sad”

held my dad beside me on the bed exhausted