Things I Don’t Know
I have been having a great deal of trouble lately with self-evaluation. I go through periods of time where I am extremely confident in my intellectual abilities. I tell myself and truly believe during those times that I can accomplish anything. I can get the LSAT score I want, I can get into the law school I want, I can get the grades I want. It is an overwhelming feeling of capability and any failure or perceived failure is from lack of reasonable effort. In contrast, I go through periods where I lay awake at night and worry that this has all been a series of luck. That I pick classes I will do well in, that the standards at my University are somehow lower than at other places, that I have fooled everyone including myself. It is a debilitating self-doubt that I cannot overcome. I become obsessed with success but fear to take action. I am a firm believer that success is rooted in self-belief, but I am having difficulty lately. Sometimes it feels like there in a weight on my chest, pressing me into the ground and I don’t know if I can overcome the weight. It is the weight of my own dreams, my own pressures, my own self-doubt. I must overcome it.