How can I help? #3 - be the master of your mind
This is the third part of a series about what human potential coaching can do for you. Parts one and two are here and here. In this part I'm talking about thought mastery.
What are you thinking? Yes, right now. Are you aware of your thoughts as thoughts or do they seem more substantial than that, do they seem to be part of you? Do you question your thoughts? Or do you buy into them wholesale? Don’t ask too many questions, it’ll put people off. There, that was one of my thoughts as I was writing this. I don’t know if that thought is true. It might be, but I have no proof. It’s just a story I’m telling myself. Thoughts are simply bubbles that arise in the mind, often containing negative statements, limiting beliefs and self-judgments. Just like when we’re blowing bubbles, it would be better to watch them form and then allow them to drift away. But what if we find it hard to let them go? What if we buy into the bubble and its contents? What if we think we are the bubble? Even though, if we stop for a moment to examine this thought, we know we are doing the thinking, that our thoughts don’t think us, this doesn’t stop it from triggering a whole range of emotions and reactions that stop us from flourishing. So how do we stop ourselves from being trapped in an unhappy bubble of our own making? I invite clients to use a simple technique called thought defusion. This is how it works. When you become aware of an unpleasant thought or image, take a couple of long, slow deep breaths and do one of the following:
Say to yourself, “My mind is telling me a story…”
Imagine the thought is coming from a small gremlin and say to yourself, “I see you and accept you.”
Say the thought out loud, very, very slowly.
Put the thought in a chair opposite you and describe it.
Say, “OK, you are right. Now what?”
Imagine the thought is projected on a big screen in front of you, then change the colour and typeface to make it as small and silly as possible.
Treat your thought as a bully. Ask, “Who is in charge here?”
Now I will admit, this is easier said than done, especially at first. Most people are so attached to their thoughts, believing them to be who they are, that they just don’t have the ability to separate themselves from the thought. Thoughts need to be caught in a net like a butterfly - gently and with great skill. With practice, you’ll be netting butterflies everywhere. Thoughts appear to be powerful, but they are not. The illusion of power arises because we attach to our thoughts and infuse them with beliefs and emotions. In any given moment you have the choice to engage with the thought or not. If it is useful and positive, great. If not, let it go drifting off. One of the most effective things you can do to increase happiness is to be aware that thoughts are created by the mind, not by you, and that the mind is your servant. You are the master! There’s no need to banish a thought or replace it with a more positive one. Just let the thoughts be as they are and allow your inner knowing, intuition or gut feeling to shine through. By believing the story our thoughts tell us, we suffer. You can choose what to believe. You can choose happiness. And don’t forget: bubbles always burst…